Carnival of Bauer

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Dear Lord Jack Bauer, What Have You Done?

Nice job Jack. You may have finally done it this time.

I am talking of course about last night's double-crossing of the German undercover operative. Germans do not take kindly to insults Jack, and this one cannot be ignored as it occurred on international television.

You have one hour of live tv time a week. One. On Monday nights. Couldn't you have screwed him over on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, or on a commercial break for that matter, to allow the Germans to save face?

Oh I know you may have saved a few hundred thousand lives, but at what cost? You have to know that there will be a terrible price to pay for this. Or have you forgotten about the now infamous Hasselhoff Conflict of '98?

I have already uploaded this information to your hand-held, but for the sake of our readers let me briefly refresh your memory:

-October 23, 1998- David Hasselfhoff's new album, I Did It All For KITT, debuts in Germany to rave reviews.
-October 27, 1998- I Did It All For KITT is panned by a Chudsikstani music critic, severely damaging Germanic pride and causing an international incident.
-October 28, 1998- Germany declares war and by the end of the day, the country of Chudsikstan is no more.

Check your maps. It's gone.

Jack, please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that you could not defeat Germany in an all out war. Obviously you could. Even if they were allied with Italy. Okay, especially if they were allied with Italy. The question is, do you really have the extra half hour to spare right now?


Mongo said...

Ach du lieber!!!!

Meine Blackberry ist Kaput!!!

Bauer ist Todt!!!

Anonymous said...

"Lord Jack Bauer"?

NDwalters said...

Scheisse, eine PDA is eine piece of Scheisse. Verdamnt Herr Bauer! Damnt Bauer!

Hey, vy don't ve talk in aczents like Sergeant Schulz?

Ja, das est gut.

Anyone else think Stoller looked way too much like one of the dudes from Ramstein? The alternative metal group from Germany?

NDwalters said...

Awww, Bauer's incurred the wrath of Colonel Klink....


Anonymous said...

You missed the walk-away phone apology! ..."When this is over I give you my word that I will help you re-establish your network." Joel Surnow has be recorded saying that the "24" theatrical movie will take place in Europe and start shooting next year (according to the DVD/video game interviews - from six months ago).

fmragtops said...

Wasn't Nina Myers working for the Germans, or at least some Germans? They were probably already pissed, and this will be the straw that breaks the camels back.

NDwalters said...

Germans? Myers? I think she was working for terrorists, in league with Drazen. Mein Gott, no ze German Government. Zey're gut, ja?