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Saturday, August 19, 2006

Bauer2006 Platform #7 - One Sure Thing In My Administration Will Be Death And Taxes

Specifically, more death and fewer taxes. The Bauer Administration will fight not only to bring back the death penalty in New York and Connecticut, but it will also promise to initiate it as often as the law allows. The death penalty is not a deterrent because it is not used nearly enough. As Senator, Jack Bauer will twist as many necks as necessary to implement its use. Mr. Bauer has also hinted at changing the death penalty to the more humane guillotine.

The Bauer Administration will also firefight to cut your taxes. The money saved on the guillotine alone will offset the skyrocketing cost of electricity and lethal injections. This is money that Jack Bauer will pass on to the law-abiding citizen. In Mr. Bauer's proposed new tax code, anyone convicted of a crime will shoulder more than 75 percent of the states' total taxes. Those without a rap sheet will split the remaining 25 percent. And since felons cannot legally vote, they have no say in the matter. How can you go wrong?

Jack Bauer 2006: Don't Fear The Reaper . . . Or The Tax Man.

3 comments:

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