Guide to Names of Nick, Season 6

Al Bundy - Morris O'Brian/Carlo Rota because he's bald and he was a shoe salesman before coming to work at CTU.

Caged Weasel - Sleazy, conniving presidential aide Thomas Lennox/ Peter MacNicol, because he’s a weasel and he played John Cage on Single Female Lawyer, which was a Fox series very popular with the rulers of Omicron Persei VIII.

Chiggy Killer - Bill Buchanan. So-called because in his previous role on Space: Above and Beyond, actor James Morrison's character of Lt. Col. TC McQueen took out the infamous alien ace, Chiggy von-Richthofen. Or, I should say, shot down. "Took out" could be mistaken as some weird, alien, Brokeback Mountain dating experience.

Cougar Bait - Kim Bauer, because of the notorious Season 3 2 incident in which she was menaced by a cougar. (Hey, she could come back. Don't stop believin'!)

Cynthia McKinney Chapelle - Sandra Palmer / Regina King: President Chapelle’s loud-mouthed sister, who also seems to have a thing about not cooperating with law enforcement.

Frau Blucher/Gloria Allred - Karen Hayes/Jayne Atkinson is called Gloria Allred when she’s shrilly lecturing President Chapelle on Civil Rights, and Frau Blucher when the mere mention of her name will make horses whinny.

Gaydar - A perfectly obvious riff on the name Heydar, played by Haaz Sleiman

Gee Wally - Sooner or later, there had to be a ‘Leave it to Beaver’ reference, and Cynthia McKinney Chapelle’s numinous Arab-Muslim boyfriend Walid Al-Rezani seemed to fit the Bill, I mean Walid does sort of sound like Gee Wally, and he speaks jive.


Imhotep Sameer Nagonaworkhere – Adoni Maropis / Abu Fayed, because at B4B, the people get what they want. Although Quan Chi would also work.

Julian Bashir - The good terrorist, Hamri Al-Assad, because Alexander Siddig played Julian Bashir on Star Trek Deep Space Nine.




Jack Bauer Junior --- Evan Ellingson, because the only people who would be surprised that Josh Bauer is really Jack's kid are people who were surprised Liberace was gay. Also, occasionally, Wesson Oil kid.


Kemper - (Milo Pressman /Eric Balfour) Played a character named Kemper in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Patsy Ramsey Bauer - Marilyn Bauer/ Rena Sofer, because I find the resemblance uncanny.

Red Foreman - Secret Service agent Aaron Pierce, who sort of looks vaguely like That 70's Show's Red Foreman, but mostly because it enables me to use the word "dumbass" a lot.

Rocket Romano Bauer - Graem Bauer, after the character Paul McCrane played on ER. And now he’s dead.

Rodent Boy - Caged Weasel's bitch-boy, a.k.a. Reed Polack/Chad Lowe.

Russet Potato Face - Chloe O'Brien/Mary Lynn Rajskub picked up the nickname "Potato Face" from Television Without Pity. (Actually, I think she's cute, but I've always had a soft spot for pouty-faced women). This season, she dyed her hair brownish-red, hence "Russet Potato Face"

Token Chick - Nadia 'Natalie' Yassir / Marisol Nichols because she’s the token Arab chick at CTU and the token Republican. A.k.a Awana Fuqya

Tom Willis - Darren McCarthy/David Hunt just freakin' reminds me of Tom Willis (The late Franklin Cover) from The Jeffersons. In fact, I may start calling his bimbo 'Weezie.'

Vice President Jim Jones - Powers Boothe played Jim Jones in a TV movie that traumatized me in my delicate formative years. (It had primetime TV's first depiction of hot man-on-man monkey love.) To this day, I just can't drink Kool-Aid.

Wayne Palmer Chapelle - D.B. Woodside just reminds me of Dave Chapelle. And I never realized what a one-note comedian Dave Chapelle was until I tried to fuse his act with Wayne Palmer. Since this is creating confusion with the late Ryan Chapelle, B4B is open to new nicks.

Zefram Cochrane Bauer - James Cromwell played Zefram Cochrane, inventor of warp drive, in Star Trek: First Contact. So, now we know how Jack can sip around SoCal more quickly than is humanly possible. If the opportunity for a talking pig reference comes up, we'll be ready.