Jack's in the Cradle

as performed by Philip Bauer
with apologies to Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day,
Jack came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to bomb, and nukes astray.
He shot smack while I was away.
And he repressed his emotions, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
Damn it! I'm gonna be like you."

And the warp-drive engine and the talking pig,
Stretch Cunningham and a Russian MiG
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

Jack joined the Army, just to get away
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Jack, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a snarl,
"I don't have time for this, can I borrow the man-purse.
See you later. Can I have that ... Now!"

And the Sentox gas and the talking pig,
That bitch Nina Meyers, and an oil rig.
"When you coming home, son?" "Damn it, my name's Frank Flynn
And we won't get together again."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
He returned from China just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind.
He said, "I'd love to, dad, but I don't have time for this.
Terrorists nukes are a hassle, and the Russians are bad,
And it all leads back to you, dad.
The Russian nukes lead back to you."

And as I blew up the house, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the warp-drive engine and the talking pig,
The penis-nosed chick and the Chinese Brig.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But, when I'm finished with you,
You're gonna wish that you felt this good again.
You're gonna wish that you felt this good again."