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Saturday, February 17, 2007

24 Point/Counterpoint

I Sense the Good in Philip Bauer
by Luke Skywalker

Jack, I just want you to know, I feel your pain. It's not easy growing up in the shadow of a father who is pure evil. But I am also here to tell you, I feel the good in Philip Bauer. There is still hope for him, Jack. He couldn't bring himself to kill you before and I don't believe he'll destroy you now... especially since that exploding house thing didn't work.

OK, so Philip Bauer supplied the weapon that toasted Valencia. My dad built the fully operational battle station that grilled Alderaan, and still, I found it within myself to forgive him. Philip Bauer was in on the assassination of David Palmer. My dad whacked Obi-Wan Kenobi. My dad destroyed the rebel base at Hoth and most of the rebel fleet at Endor. And, the similarities don't end there. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't your dad also build a robot once? The point is, there is still some good inside him. You have to believe that.

Begin by understanding what turned him to the dark side. Sometimes, it can be something as simple as a series of bad dreams. And your dad didn't even get horribly maimed in a lava flow. And at least you and Graem knew your dad, and didn't get shuffled off to some dirt farmers on a back-asswards planet at the farthest point from the bright center of the universe.

Trust me, at a critical moment, Philip Bauer will turn from the dark side in order to save you, and then he'll die, and then as you burn his corpse in the presence of an army of horrible teddy bears, you'll see a vision of David Palmer and Tony Almeida and, for some reason, Hayden Christiansen.

By the way, you do know that Josh is yours, right?

3 comments:

Sally said...

AWESOME!!!!!!

pius xxiii said...

Could Audry be Jack's twin sister?

Muller said...

Hilarious. Just Hilarious