Tuesday, February 27, 2007
TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm
4:00:00 to 4:12:32
Whistler calls Sameer Nagonaworkhere and basically, they need another three hours to put together the warheads and the delivery systems, thus setting up the time frame for the next 3 - 4 episodes. Apparently, they intend to deliver the bombs using some kind of stealthy drone built with "American taxpayer dollars."
V the K: (raising his hand) Question?
24 Producer: (rolling eyes) What is it, Mr the K?
V the K: "Why do they need to steal drones when the terrorists have already shown they have suicide bombers? We've seen they can pretty much fly helicopters anywhere they want, so we know there are no airspace restrictions in effect. So, wouldn't it be easier for them just to get a few Piper Cubs and ...Ow! Stop hitting me!
Back at the batcave, President Jim Belushi has a new aide, who looks like Sondra from Space 1999. Belushi is receiving the Ambassador from Durkadurkastan. The Ambassador and Bashir get along like Rosie and Donald. "I recognize Mr. Bashir. He's the terrorist who killed my seven year old son." "No, you're the terrorist," Bashir says. "Nunh Unh." "Unh Huh!" "You're fat!" "You have icky hair!" Belushi presents his "smarter, tougher" scheme to end terrorism. "Bashir will tell all the terrorists to disarm, chill, and open up 7-11's... and, voila, peace will rule." But his plan requires that all three of them go on TV and sing "Kum Ba Yah" together. The Ambassador balks, but then Belushi threatens to lock him in a Motel Six with his sister Cynthia McKinney Belushi for a 227 marathon. The ambassador collapses and begs for mercy. Belushi whacks him with his cell phone. Also at the batcave, Rodent Boy escorts the assassin, Random Task, through security. Their plan is simple: detonate the bomb when Bashir and Belushi are together. Make it look like one of those suicide bombings CAIR tells us never happen.
Back at CTU, Jack calls in from the Grand Mal hotel. He needs a helicopter to take to Chuck Logan's place in Hidden Valley, where the former president runs a successful ranch dressing business. It seems that after the former president assassinated David Palmer, conspired with terrorists to mass murder Americans, and attempted to murder his own SecDef, he was essentially sentenced to a "time-out." Chiggy agrees to send a chopper since Chuck "Obi-Wan" Logan is their last hope. As he leaves the hotel, Jack sees Patsy Ramsey Bauer and Jack Junior. Jack promises to explain everything to Jack Jr. when all this is over (in about 13 hours). That conversation will probably begin, "You see, when a man loves his brother's wife very much..."
4:16:55 to 4:23:38
Al Bundy has been trying to decode some hoosahmuhfudge from the Russian Safe House and failing. RPF suggests he tries reversing the polarity and triaxilating the subspace harmonics. "Of course, why didn't I think of that." Then she tells him he should call his sponsor. He says he already did. Then, RPF gets confronted by Awana Fuqya, who wants Al Bundy relieved from duty because she thinks he's been drinking. She also found a pack of cigarettes in Greg Brady's letterman jacket, and she's going to tattle about that, too.
Jack arrives at Hidden Valley Ranch after a semi-realistic 10-minute chopper ride. Obi-Wan Logan claims that the time-out worked, he's had time to think about what he has done, and he knows of someone who can help Jack recover the nukes, the Russian Consul, Ivana Jackoff. Jack scoffs, "CTU checked him out already." "He won't talk to you, but he'll talk to me," Obi-Wan says. Jack agrees to put on a suit and go with Obi-Wan to that "wretched hive of scum and villainy" known as the Russian Consulate,
4:28:03 to 4:34:58
Jack calls President Belushi. Belushi is not down with the plan because he thinks Obi-Wan will try to escape. Meanwhile, in the basement of the Batcave, Rodent Boy comes in, "Is it a bomb yet?" Random Task hits him with a wooden spoon. "It'll be ready when it's ready," Rodent Boy realizes the import of their plot. "Dude, we are like killing the president." "Dude," Random Task agrees. Then, they air guitar each other.
Back at CTU, Chiggy Killer is handing out assignments. "Bundy, you're out. RPF, take over for Bundy." But then, Bundy makes the Puss 'n' Boots face and Chiggy keeps him on, over the objections of Awana Fuqya, who thinks he has a drinking problem. "I do not have a drinking problem" Bundy insists as he dumps a glass of water into his eye socket.
4:39: 22 to 4:49:13
Awana Fuqya is still gunning for Bundy, and she's ready to nail him for not putting the right covers on his TPS reports. Then, RPF gets a call from Bundy's sponsor, and finds out he hasn't called her in like two years. So, then RPF busts in on him while he's on the toilet. "J'accuse!" she confronts him about lying about talking to his sponsor. "Wrong sponsor," he tells her. Chastened, she leaves, and we find out he really was drinking. Who cares? Why has valuable "Jack killing people" time been wasted with this stupid sub-plot?
Meanwhile, a naked Obi-Wan Logan talks to himself in the mirror. "Would you f**k me? I'd f**k me. I'd f**k me hard."
Back at the Batcave, Caged Weasel is coughing, so Rodent Boy takes pity on him, takes off his gag, spits on a handkerchief and wipes the smudges off his bald little head. He asks Weasel if he was ever really on their side. Weasel says no, so Rodent Boy bites him on the cheek and gives him rabies. RB then checks on Random Task, who has finished turning his tape recorder and two highlighters into a bomb, and hands it over to Rodent Boy to put on the president's podium.
4:53:35 to 4:59:59
So, Rodent Boy discreetly places the bomb in the podium. Bashir spots it before it goes off, but it explodes in to a "goodness gracious great ball of fire" probably large enough to wound the president without killing him, but good enough to put VP Jim Jones in charge of the country.