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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm


4:00:00 to 4:12:32

Whistler calls Sameer Nagonaworkhere and basically, they need another three hours to put together the warheads and the delivery systems, thus setting up the time frame for the next 3 - 4 episodes. Apparently, they intend to deliver the bombs using some kind of stealthy drone built with "American taxpayer dollars."

V the K: (raising his hand) Question?
24 Producer: (rolling eyes) What is it, Mr the K?
V the K: "Why do they need to steal drones when the terrorists have already shown they have suicide bombers? We've seen they can pretty much fly helicopters anywhere they want, so we know there are no airspace restrictions in effect. So, wouldn't it be easier for them just to get a few Piper Cubs and ...Ow! Stop hitting me!

Back at the batcave, President Jim Belushi has a new aide, who looks like Sondra from Space 1999. Belushi is receiving the Ambassador from Durkadurkastan. The Ambassador and Bashir get along like Rosie and Donald. "I recognize Mr. Bashir. He's the terrorist who killed my seven year old son." "No, you're the terrorist," Bashir says. "Nunh Unh." "Unh Huh!" "You're fat!" "You have icky hair!" Belushi presents his "smarter, tougher" scheme to end terrorism. "Bashir will tell all the terrorists to disarm, chill, and open up 7-11's... and, voila, peace will rule." But his plan requires that all three of them go on TV and sing "Kum Ba Yah" together. The Ambassador balks, but then Belushi threatens to lock him in a Motel Six with his sister Cynthia McKinney Belushi for a 227 marathon. The ambassador collapses and begs for mercy. Belushi whacks him with his cell phone. Also at the batcave, Rodent Boy escorts the assassin, Random Task, through security. Their plan is simple: detonate the bomb when Bashir and Belushi are together. Make it look like one of those suicide bombings CAIR tells us never happen.

Back at CTU, Jack calls in from the Grand Mal hotel. He needs a helicopter to take to Chuck Logan's place in Hidden Valley, where the former president runs a successful ranch dressing business. It seems that after the former president assassinated David Palmer, conspired with terrorists to mass murder Americans, and attempted to murder his own SecDef, he was essentially sentenced to a "time-out." Chiggy agrees to send a chopper since Chuck "Obi-Wan" Logan is their last hope. As he leaves the hotel, Jack sees Patsy Ramsey Bauer and Jack Junior. Jack promises to explain everything to Jack Jr. when all this is over (in about 13 hours). That conversation will probably begin, "You see, when a man loves his brother's wife very much..."

4:16:55 to 4:23:38
Al Bundy has been trying to decode some hoosahmuhfudge from the Russian Safe House and failing. RPF suggests he tries reversing the polarity and triaxilating the subspace harmonics. "Of course, why didn't I think of that." Then she tells him he should call his sponsor. He says he already did. Then, RPF gets confronted by Awana Fuqya, who wants Al Bundy relieved from duty because she thinks he's been drinking. She also found a pack of cigarettes in Greg Brady's letterman jacket, and she's going to tattle about that, too.

Jack arrives at Hidden Valley Ranch after a semi-realistic 10-minute chopper ride. Obi-Wan Logan claims that the time-out worked, he's had time to think about what he has done, and he knows of someone who can help Jack recover the nukes, the Russian Consul, Ivana Jackoff. Jack scoffs, "CTU checked him out already." "He won't talk to you, but he'll talk to me," Obi-Wan says. Jack agrees to put on a suit and go with Obi-Wan to that "wretched hive of scum and villainy" known as the Russian Consulate,

4:28:03 to 4:34:58
Jack calls President Belushi. Belushi is not down with the plan because he thinks Obi-Wan will try to escape. Meanwhile, in the basement of the Batcave, Rodent Boy comes in, "Is it a bomb yet?" Random Task hits him with a wooden spoon. "It'll be ready when it's ready," Rodent Boy realizes the import of their plot. "Dude, we are like killing the president." "Dude," Random Task agrees. Then, they air guitar each other.

Back at CTU, Chiggy Killer is handing out assignments. "Bundy, you're out. RPF, take over for Bundy." But then, Bundy makes the Puss 'n' Boots face and Chiggy keeps him on, over the objections of Awana Fuqya, who thinks he has a drinking problem. "I do not have a drinking problem" Bundy insists as he dumps a glass of water into his eye socket.

4:39: 22 to 4:49:13
Awana Fuqya is still gunning for Bundy, and she's ready to nail him for not putting the right covers on his TPS reports. Then, RPF gets a call from Bundy's sponsor, and finds out he hasn't called her in like two years. So, then RPF busts in on him while he's on the toilet. "J'accuse!" she confronts him about lying about talking to his sponsor. "Wrong sponsor," he tells her. Chastened, she leaves, and we find out he really was drinking. Who cares? Why has valuable "Jack killing people" time been wasted with this stupid sub-plot?

Meanwhile, a naked Obi-Wan Logan talks to himself in the mirror. "Would you f**k me? I'd f**k me. I'd f**k me hard."

Back at the Batcave, Caged Weasel is coughing, so Rodent Boy takes pity on him, takes off his gag, spits on a handkerchief and wipes the smudges off his bald little head. He asks Weasel if he was ever really on their side. Weasel says no, so Rodent Boy bites him on the cheek and gives him rabies. RB then checks on Random Task, who has finished turning his tape recorder and two highlighters into a bomb, and hands it over to Rodent Boy to put on the president's podium.

4:53:35 to 4:59:59
So, Rodent Boy discreetly places the bomb in the podium. Bashir spots it before it goes off, but it explodes in to a "goodness gracious great ball of fire" probably large enough to wound the president without killing him, but good enough to put VP Jim Jones in charge of the country.

Tick-Tock.

11 comments:

The Man said...

How dare your poke holes in the lame 24 plot!

Rob Carr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rob Carr said...

Songs for Characters:

The bomb-maker: A Chicago tune -- 25 or 6-2-4

Chloe: The Fray's "How to Save a Life"

For Jack, on the prospect of talking to Josh: Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman"

For the President: The Gap Band's "You Dropped a Bomb on Me"

Bob said...

What was the Bible verse Former President Weasel had highlighted? This sumbitch is up to no-good, I tells ya.

V the K said...

Al Bundy - "Whisky Bar" by the Doors.

Charles Logan - "The Bitch is Back" by Elton John.

Josh Bauer - "Alive" by Pearl Jam

Bob said...

Oh, yeah, and Vote Sherry in the Miss B4B Contest

http://blogs4bauer.blogspot.com/2007/02/miss-blogs4bauer-contest-round-1.html

She talked a guy to death, which is something even Jack Bauer has never been able to do.

Rob Carr said...

If someone recorded it, please check when Jack looks at the Bible.

I thought it was Psalm 27, but the only one I can find like it was Psalm 40:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.

What that says about Logan...he could be sincere, or he could be a real nut case.

Sally said...

It was very surprising and bizarre not only that Logan quoted scripture but that Jack would open someone's Bible and see the same thing!

My thought, based also on the words 'mud' and 'redemption' being mentioned in the episode, is that the arc of this season will be something along the thematic lines of Shawshank Redemption.

And maybe Jack will become religious which would segue way nicely into season 7--he becomes a monk (really, the man needs a break after Teri, Nina, Claudia, Kate, Diane, Audrey and now Marilyn??) and heads back to China for a little Chuck Norris-like revenge...

NDwalters said...

Speaking of Shawshank, I saw the trailer for next week, and I crap you not the actor who played the warden in Shawshank appears to be the Speaker of the House or Congressional Leader that gives VP Jim Jones his powers......

Eesh, eerie.

jwookie said...

Posting with French, eh?

Adds a bit class I think. And don't let those frog-hating, foul-smelling, poor dental hygeine Brits tell you anything different!

Anonymous said...

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