Counterpoint: Katie Couric Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole
by Chloe O'Brian
Jack Bauer running for Senator of New York and Connecticut is a bad idea. So says that sugary pixie Katie Couric. Couric is so sweet that I go into diabetic shock every time she broadcasts. We get it Katie; you're perky! That may have been swell when you were a high school cheerleader. But now? NO ONE CARES!
We were all really impressed when you were handed the CBS News spot on a silver platter. Did a law degree come as a side dish? Don't you worry whether or not Jack Bauer's campaign is legal. As Emporer Palpatine said, "I will make it legal."
On top of this you have the temerity to say that a "true" New Yorker should be elected to the Senate. I guess Hillary is sporting genuine Manhattan cankles? Cripes, she is more of a carpetbagger than The Man from GOP and the City! Jack is well versed in over a dozen languages: I doubt "Bronx" would be too difficult for him.
And finally, you throw out the same tired argument; that Jack Bauer is a violent psychopath. If anything, Mr. Bauer is proud of his violent record. Hell, who do you think would really represent the people of New York: a violent psychopath, or a bloated former attorney from Arkansas? I think the answer is clear.
Oh, and Katie, just so you know, you're husband isn't dead. He couldn't stand your constant blathering, so Jack smuggled him out of the country and faked his death. Chew on that.
Point: New York and Connecticut Need Their Own Senators
~CBS Anchor Katie Couric