Carnival of Bauer

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Saturday, October 14, 2006

Counterpoint: Jack doesn't need you anymore, heroin. He has me.
By Adrenaline

Well, well, well, look who came crawling back: Heroin. You miss Jack Bauer? I can't say that I am surprised, but I can say that you're wasting your breath. Jack is with me now, and we have a bond stronger than any needle or tourniquet. With me, Jack gets high on life . . . and fresh corpses. I am there for him, and I support him. When Jack is feeling down, I don't offer him a syringe; I suggest we go snap the neck of a terrorist. When Jack is bored, I offer him a mole's nipples and a live wire. And you? Just take a look at your history with Jack:

You never treated Jack right. How many times did you call him the day after your get-togethers? Did you even call to say you got home safely? He was worried sick!

You embarrassed him when you showed up drunk at the CTU ball. Cripes, you made a grand entrance in your backless gown, and then tripped over Bill Buchanan during your inebriated twirl!

You cheated on him numerous times with floozies like Kate Moss and Samwise Gamgee's sister. How many times did you call Jack "Marion Barry?" Ten? Fifteen?

Jack is over you, and now you need to get on with your life. I trust you received your LP records and your love letters. Now, please leave my Jack alone.

Point: I Know That You Want to Come Back to Me
by Heroin

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