24 Top 10
RFTR wanted the B4B contributors to come up with something special for the big launch. Being a big, dumb guy, I thought he said big "lunch," so I waited until the last minute to think of an idea. Here we go:
The Top 10 Things I Don't Wanna See In The New Season
10. A Politically-Correct Enemy. I can't tell you how much I cringed when Keifer Sutherland's "All Arabs aren't terrorists" spots aired ad nauseum last season. We get it, guys. On a related note, there are very few Calvinist terrorists, so make your villains believable.
9. A Love Interest For Jack. Every woman Jack gets biz-aay with always ends up either dead, a terrorist, or a mega-bitch. Is it too much to ask for Jack to be celibate for one season?
8. Small Arms. Sure, the Glock is great for concealment, but it can't hurt to throw a few AR-15's in the mix once in a while. Blow stuff up!
7. Edgar Stiles. God, what a fat, whiny bastard! Like every other fan of the show, I despise this toad. Edgar, I'm glad your mother is dead. I only wish you could have been there with her.
6. A Whiny, Wishy-Washy President. Speaking of whiny bastards, are there any redeeming values to President Logan. Cripes, this guy must have been patterned after Jimmy Carter. The Commander-in-Chief should not sit when he pees. Logan does.
5. A 45-Minute Commercial For Ford. Look, I buy American, and I drive American, but the requisite whoring for the Ford Motor Company really frosts my weenie. Enough already.
4. Any Hiatus. 24 episodes in a row, please. End of message.
3. Another Mole. CTU Los Angeles has more moles than Cindy Crawford. Who the hell runs NCIC checks on these people, Stevie Wonder? Note to the producers: no government agency on earth has as many infiltrations as CTU does! Well, except maybe the EPA.
2. Chloe "Out Of Uniform." I can barely look at this broad when she's fully clothed. Brutal.
And the number one thing I don't wanna see this season is . . .
1. Michelle Dessler "In Uniform." Hubba, hubba!
"Houston, we have a hottie!"