Carnival of Bauer








Add to Google




24 Fanatic

Forums4Bauer

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Who's Jack Bauer?

I was asked this question several times over the past week, as I announced to my friends and neighbors that our favorite counter terrorist agent was back from the dead and set to begin a new season of non-stop action on the FOX network. I was taken aback when asked 'Who's Jack Bauer' as I thought this show reached across all demographics and age ranges. From 3 year olds to grandmothers, 24 is a groundbreaking program that shuns no-one from it's viewing range. However, it seemed that the same people who though that the 'Soprano's' was a local pizza joint, were now questioning the existence of Jack Bauer.

To explain the enigma that is Jack Bauer, I had to reach deep within my temperal lobe, probing regions of my brain that enabled me to dig up the patience to deal with these pop-culture morons. Simply put, I told them, Jack Bauer is the hero that this nation desperately needs. Jack Bauer is the anger within all of us that boils up to our cornias' when we hear about another loss of innocent life in a car bombing. Jack Bauer is the hatred we feel deep in the cockles for those dirt bag sand clowns that plan and plot to kill children on a public bus. Jack Bauer is the badass we all wish we could be, except with a little more time than a day.

This response, however articulated and conveyed to the proposer of the question, did not seem to be something they could fathom, much less understand.

It went more like this:

"Jack Bauer, is the character on '24' on FOX. Played by Kiefer Sutherland."
"Oh. I never knew his name. I watched it once or twice. Kind of hard to follow."
"It would be when you have the intelligence of a armidillo turd."

This season Jack returns to his more-than-human glory. Righting wrongs and saving the world once again. It seems however, that the world outside of television has yet to realize the power and strength this kind of character could bring to the real world, should we allow him to exist. If Jack Bauer were a true character, saving the world on a daily basis in public view - his tactics would be much different, thanks to the liberals and their ass kissing attitudes. It's them that ask me 'Who's Jack Bauer?' And it's them who should really get to know the man, because someday, they'll be wondering where he is to save them from disaster.

Yes, I turned that into a liberal bashing post

It's easy. You see, liberals aren't like normal people, you can offend them easier than you can get laid in a Thai whorehouse. Of course, offending them won't cost you $15.00, but you get the point.

6 comments:

RFTR said...

What's the chance you'll walk away with an STD after offending a liberal?

Hector Vex said...

They spit them, like those little spitting dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. You can catch mono from a liberal by just getting into a discussion about free trade agreements...

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

You did an awesome job of describing Jack Bauer: "Simply put, I told them, Jack Bauer is the hero that this nation desperately needs. Jack Bauer is the anger within all of us that boils up to our cornias' when we hear about another loss of innocent life in a car bombing. Jack Bauer is the hatred we feel deep in the cockles for those dirt bag sand clowns that plan and plot to kill children on a public bus. Jack Bauer is the badass we all wish we could be, except with a little more time than a day."

On my September 11th post I wrote this(because of the documentary that Kiefer Sutherland did on Flight 93): "Since I am a huge fan of 24 I found him to be the perfect person as he fights terrorists on a consistent basis. I realize thats only in the Hollywood world but he does such a good job he makes you believe he would be W's best man to fight the real terrorists."

Hector Vex said...

That's the sad thing. If Republicans got to pick our hero to save the day, we'd probably pick someone like Jack. The liberals would probably pick Sean Penn or something. They'd send that 'I am Sam' retard in a second, backed up by Martin Sheen and Jimmy Carter.

Goddamn non action taking bastards.

Anyways, I'm not going to make this about politics. heh.

RFTR said...

We all know liberals oppose the tactics used in 24. In fact, they flipped out when, this year for the first time, the show decided to use Muslim terrorists. It's taboo in Hollywood, remember, to acknowledge the fact that some terrorists may be Muslim.

Because of this, Hector, I don't think you need to be concerned about your posts sliding into political territory. It's a little known fact that we contributors all lean at least a little to the right—so there's no fear of retribution.

And we'll even allow equal time to liberals who wish to dispute our statements—and then tell them to shut their idiotic mouths.

'nuff said?

Hector Vex said...

I wasn't REALLY worried, I just tend to lay a thicker layer of sarcasm on my sandwich... so to say...