The Top Ten Things Jack Bauer Will Need In China
10. A Chinese-to-English Dictionary. It would be embarrassing to mispronounce "nipple electrocution" in Mandarin.
9. A Rickshaw. Ford doesn't export east of The Great Wall.
8. Gloves. Those Chinese finger-traps could be the death of him.
7. Olive Drab Clothing. Jack's gotta blend in with the proletariat.
6. A Condom. (Sorry, that's something he would need in Chyna.)
5. Directions to Chairman Mao's Tomb. So Jack can beyotch-slap his corpse.
4. Chopsticks. It's easier to kill a man with chopsticks than with a swizzle stick.
3. Colt .45. The beer, not the gun. Who wants to get drunk with rice wine?
2. An African-Chinese Partner. Bacardi and Cola is back!
And the number one thing Jack Bauer will need in China is . . .
1. A Picture of Audrey Raines. Incentive to never come home . . . ever!