Carnival of Bauer

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Mullet Time

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Jack Bauer Law #113

From a 24 commercial played during Prison Break
Man: You're hurting me!
Jack Bauer: Trust me....I'm not

Jack Bauer Law #113: You're not in pain until Jack Bauer tells you are in pain.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Stupid 24 Questions

Do you think the writers were laughing when they had Jack literally taking a slow boat to China?

Will President Logan be sent to federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison?

Has Jack Bauer ever laughed?

Who misses Kim Bauer?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Well, it's official. Jack Bauer has conceded to both Hillary Clinton in new York and Joe Lieberman in Connecticut. Bauer for Senate 2006 is folding up camp, and making a run for the border. With Nancy Pelosi in charge, there shouldn't be any problem crossing it. Hopefully, this won't be Jack's last foray into politics. If the following excerpts are any indication, Jack really has a knack for the bloodthirsty political game.

Top Ten Things Overheard at Bauer 2006 Campaign Headquarters

10. "Chloe is drowning her sorrows in extra virgin olive oil!"
9. "I can't believe Curtis voted for Ned Lamont."
8. "Who ordered the tuna on toast with extra ricin?"
7. "Our poles are rising. Heh, heh."
6. "Get me the address of Hillary Clinton's parents, right now!"
5. "Mr. Bauer, the concierge wants to know what happened to the piano wire."
4. "If people keep voting for Clinton, I'm gonna take their final exit poll."
3. "Kennedy got re-elected? Those idiots would elect Nina Myers."
2. "Fox News just called the race for Clinton. Would you like your rifle now, Jack?"

And the number one thing overheard at Bauer 2006 Campaign Headquarters is . . .

1. "Only two people voted for me? I kill more than that before 7am!"

Bauer Concedes Senate Race, Heads to Mexico

Bauer Concedes Senate Race, Heads to Mexico
With 99% of precincts reporting, we are sad to report that Jack Bauer will not represent New York in the US Senate. Unless the 1% of precincts includes about 2,787,165 people loyal to Jack Bauer, the fight is over for now.

Jack Bauer mailed Clinton his gun and CTU badge as a sign of concession and headed to Mexico with only his manpurse and aviators.

Bauer campaign manager, Tony Almedia called for a recount, but Chloe told him to "stop being so stupid" and told Jack that the fight was indeed over. Bauer's campaign was hurt by moles inside the campaign, terrorists, and his daughter.

There are rumors that Jack Bauer will run for president in 2008, but we all know that he doesn't have time to for rumors.

Monday, November 06, 2006

This is a video reminder to write-in "Jack Bauer" for Senate in NY and CT.

Here is how to cast your vote for Bauer in NY (using one of the old lever-style machine)
1) Enter the voting booth
2) There should be a pen or pencil attached to the booth
3) Check your flank 2 position
4) Slide back the lever on top of voting cell #4
5) Write in "Jack Bauer"
6) Pull the lever when you are done voting.

Vote Bauer - NY/CT Senate

This is a followup to our original call to run Jack Bauer for Senate of both NY and CT.

Jack Bauer wants to remind NY and CT voters to head to the polls and write in "Jack Bauer" for Senate. Tired of political ads? Vote Jack Bauer, he doesn't go negative - he gets even.

Today's NY Daily News details the process of writing Jack Bauer on to victory:
The process is simple, if not always clear, in New York City: On the far left side of every ballot, a write-in "window" can be found next to each office.

Just push the silver button at the top of the write-in column, slide open a door that covers the window in which you want to write and pencil in whatever name strikes your fancy.
In all seriousness, I plan on writing in "Jack Bauer" as a protest to the GOP for providing New Yorkers no real choice for Senate other than Hillary.

So let's try and get Jack Bauer enough votes to garner a news report or two.

Who's with me?