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Cross Posted from Blogs.4Bauer.com

24 Kim Bauer Spoiler Alert

--EXCLUSIVE--
Those of you who check out Blogs4Bauer on a semi-regular basis know that we're not a spoiler site in any way whatsoever. We are like the Tuesday morning quarterbacks of 24.

Well that all changes today! One of my friends works with a key sponsor of 24 and Fox. On a recent business trip, she was invited to meet some of the writers of 24 at a party. After a few drinks, her and Manny Coto hit it off pretty well and they exchanged email addresses to keep in touch. As a sponsor, she would like to know ahead of time what is going on with the show.

Well....she sent me this email from Manny talking about a favorite character of ours. Yes, RFTR will be glad to hear that Kim Bauer will soon make her glorious return. Thats right, Kim Bauer is coming back later this season! You heard it here first!



Now we have a couple more shockers that we will be coming down the pipe on future episodes of 24. If you are a fan of the show, make sure you check back tomorrow to find out....oh heck, just check back tomorrow for more insider information.

LiveBlogging: 5:00 - 6:00 P.M.

Hello again everyone! Welcome to Blogs4Bauer. I'm Tyler D of 45-Caliber Justice.

Because last week was a filler episode, this week promises to KICK ASS!

Lets get this rolling?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:00 - 6:00 P.M.

I say last week was a filler. I mean, tring to kill the president is so... the season before last.

5:00 - "I know what my roll is." Yeah, a patsy.

5:04 - "Our only live lead." Well, the way today has been going the former president won't last more than a couple hours.

5:08 - Warden Norton is looking for Dufresne....

5:09 - Mr. Linux Lennox HAS TOTALLY REDEEMED HIMSELF!!

5:12 - I really didn't expect Tom to do that.

ELISHA CUTHBERT PICTURE MOMENT!



alright moment over.

5:16 - No one trusts Logan. That is why Bauer is on the case.

5:18 - I bet $2 that the cigar cutter thing is used on someones finger in 5 minutes.

5:20 - 3 minutes.... Awww my wish didn't come true.

5:23 - O_o Is Jack going back in? GO GO CIGAR CUTTER TRIMMING TOOL THING!

5:30 - Something happen already! My sugar high isn't going to last forever.

5:31 - Well the VP is behind it all.

5:34 - Tom doesn't look like the Architect at all.



It isn't even close.










5:38 - Come on Jack. Use the tools provided.

Why didn't someone tell me my times were off?

5:40 - TOOL JACK!! USE THE TOOL!!!!

HA! I win again!! ONE!

READY FOR TWO?!?! Don't kill him. Go for two.

COMMERCIAL!

I'm going to see 300. Who's with me?

5:53 - IN RUSSIA... TORTURE JACKS YOU!
alright that didn't make since.

310-597-3781

Bob says:
310-597-8951

Well what was the number?

All Jacked Up

Or should that be "All Kim-ed Up"?

Guess who's liveblogging tonight's episode of 24?

In case the picture at the right did not clue you in, it'll be your favorite Kim Bauer afficionado—me, RFTR.

Even if she doesn't show up tonight (I'll be crossing my fingers that she does), you can bet that I'll be making as many references to the most excellent hottie (come on, that Arab chick from this season doesn't hold a candle to Kim—and Dessler? Puleeze...) this show has yet seen as I possibly can.

So get ready. I'll be back at 9pm Eastern for tonight's liveblogging.

I know I can't wait—can you?

(If not, you can keep yourself busy until then by visiting my full-time blog. In particular, I highly recommend my weekly "F'ed Up Fridays" feature.)

Yet Another Logo

I understand that new contributors are required to include a Kim Bauer pic with their first post. So, when I should have been doing other things I created this animated logo.

I have to have something to occupy my time for the next 121 hours.

CTU Guide to Surviving Gas Attacks

CTU Guide to Surviving Gas Attacks
With the gas attack on New York City today, CTU and Blogs4Bauer has teamed up to provide New Yorkers with the information they need if they start to choke. We apologize; as we're a day late with this information for members of the Jets and Giants.

If you smell something weird in New York today, follow these CTU-approved steps to make it out alive.

Step 1: Simply find the nearest hermetically sealed conference room.
Step 2: Ensure that all overweight team members are outside the hermetically sealed conference room as they tend to take up more oxygen/food.
Step 3: Have plenty of tissues available.
Step 4: Make sure that everyone is wearing hoodies and/or can hold their breath for at least 10 minutes.
Step 5: Don't panic, just make sure there are enough security guards to sacrifice until help arrives.
Step 6: Even though Talk Like Jack Bauer Day is on January 15th; it might come in handy if you find yourself locked in a hermetically sealed conference room with people you don't really like all that much.

If all else fails; remember that Kim Bauer is probably to blame.

Stupid 24 Questions

Do you think the writers were laughing when they had Jack literally taking a slow boat to China?

Will President Logan be sent to federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison?

Has Jack Bauer ever laughed?

Who misses Kim Bauer?

A message from Jack Bauer

A Message from Candidate for Senator of NY and CT, Jack Bauer

As a proud father of a special little girl, I'm outraged at CBS for their use of my daughter, Kim Bauer, to promote their new news anchor, Katie Couric. As you can see below, the editors at their internal magazine (Watch!) "photoshopped" my daughter's face over Couric's to.

This is an insult to my family that cannot go unpunished.

I'm not going to demand that CBS apologize, that's not the way Jack Bauer works. Apologizing would be just too easy to do.

A note to interns at CBS: Do not operate the water cooler on the 14th floor if you want to be able to look at your mother and not give her nightmares. Also, don't flush the toilet in the second stall in the men's room on the 18th floor. You may want to not print to the color printer on the 23rd floor. Try to not use the revolving doors in the front lobby. Oh, and don't touch the bagels in the main conference room. Finally, be on the lookout for an exploding stapler, I forgot where I left it - it's a black Swingline.

CBS, you are running out of time and I just found a hacksaw.

-Jack

Bauer2006 Platform #6 - This Is My Daughter.

Vote Bauer.

The Top Ten Bauer 2006 Campaign Promises

10. All moles will be hunted down and killed. For now, squirrels are okay.
9. Public schools will replace soccer fields with shooting ranges.
8. Read my lips: no new terrorists.
7. Handguns will be mandatory for every citizen.
6. Blogs posting pictures of Kim Bauer will be immediately erased.
5. Chloe O'Brian will be named Secretary of Frowning and Sarcasm.
4. The Pittsburgh Penguins will move to Hartford and be renamed the Whalers.
3. New York will reinstate the death penalty: strangulation by piano wire.
2. Christopher Henderson will be reanimated as a cyborg cop.

And the number one Bauer 2006 campaign promise is . . .

1. Edgar Stiles will be posthumously awarded Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Champion.

24 DVD Game Coming Soon

Coming Soon: Baueropoly
Good news to those of you who already have the 24 Cell Phone game, the 24 DVD box sets, the 24 PS2 game, the 24 wrist watch, and the CTU Ringtone.

A 24 DVD Board game will be on sale in August. According to IMDB, only Keifer Sutherland made the jump from TV to the game and Duppy Demetrius is the writer for the game.

Here is a Blogs4Bauer exclusive preview of the game:

Baueropoly
Contents: DVD, game board, mole(s), game cards, C4, label sheet, torture devices, player tokens. (hacksaw not included)

Objective: Players take on the role of CTU agents, racing time to collect clues and win on-screen "mini-game challenges." Each game begins with a terrorist act; the CTU agents are then briefed and given several clues regarding the terrorists' full plans. Kim Bauer then screws everything up forcing some players to restart the game. The first player to identify and stop a threat to national security wins. The losers get tortured.

Mini-game challenges: Randomly pick from the cards for tasks that include: force Nina Myers to swallow a towel, Get Edgar to eat dog food, and make love to Kim Bauer.

Jack Bauer in the kitchen with the lead pipe.

Do you have any suggestions for the game? Add them in the comments below.

Point: I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent

Point: I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent
by President Bush

Heh Heh. Over the past few seasons Jack Bauer has done a heckuva job. But starting next season, Agent Bauer doesn't have to worry about pesky moles anymore. That's because a true patriot is expected to join CTU. A man of impeccable credentials and unflaking faith, me! Jack Bauer and I have made the decision to defeat the terrorists in LA so we don't have to face them here at home.

John McCain thought he was cool because his little role last season - like he was up for an Oscar or something. I kept reminding him they gave a NASCAR driver speaking lines and a bigger role! Johnnie's time on screen could have been better spent than just a hand-off of a plain CTU folder. I thought his 6 years as a POW would get him to make the most out of his modest screen time, giving a Hawaiian Good Luck Sign or blinking "Kim Bauer is hot" in Morse Code.

As Agent "Eddie Burke", my statergry will involve taking out many terrorists with no compassion in a 24 hour period. I hope they give me shot at taking down a sitting president who lied to the American public in order to get us in a war in Central Asia over oil.

This is historic times and Bauer and Bush are historic people who are going to put an end to this terror shit. Just don't tell Laura.

Counterpoint: If I Were At CTU, None Of These Attacks Would Have Happened.
by John F. Kerry

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - Bauer, You're Out!by Jimmy "Da Hammer" Lopez
Counterpoint - Without Jack Bauer, the only cup you'd be drinking from is between your legs!- by Peter Gammons

Point- "We do not need Rack Bauer" by Chinese General Tso
Counterpoint - Jack's Coming To Thin Out Your Herd by President Logan

Point - It's time to give credit where credit is due. by Jack Bauer's manpurse
Counterpoint - That man-purse makes you look like a sissy. by Mr. Blackwell

Point - Jack Bauer's Threats Will Not Stop Iran's Nuclear Plans. by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Counterpoint - Keep It Up And We'll Give You Nuclear Weapons ASAP - Courtesy Of The B-2 Bomber. by Donald Rumsfeld

Point - Dude, I Wouldn't Hit That, Again. by Spenser Wolff
Counterpoint - A Guy Who Is Hung Like A Chinese Church-mouse Shouldn't Run His Pie-hole So Much. by Chloe O'Brian

Point - Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead. by Ted Kennedy
Counterpoint - Anything Is Possible. by Mary Jo Kopechne

Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from Match.com)Counterpoint - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!

I Wonder What Kim Bauer Is Doing Right Now?

And the answer to that question is not, "RFTR."

It's Just One Of Those Days

How did you spend your Independence Day? I spent it knocking out a North Korean Taepodong 2 missile over the Sea of Japan.

My name is Jack Bauer, and Tuesday was the longest day of my life.

It all began at 0500 in the cargo hold of a C-130 transport plane. After five hours without food, my survival training kicked in. I subsisted on silverfish and window condensation. After a midair refueling, I cut my way through the fuselage and dove 25,000 feet into the sea. Swimming to the shores of the Korean peninsula was trying, but it was an objective of my overall mission. It was almost a shame about the lifeguard on the beach, but what the hell; why leave a living witness? I buried myself into a dune and waited - with my Stinger missiles - for the approaching launch.

The sand chiggers were just as annoying as I remembered, but the crabs were not. That lifeguard didn't have any refreshments in his chair, so I have been drinking my own sweat. No pain, no gain. The launch was only moments away, so I fired up the Stingers. It's go time. Chloe recited the countdown and I sharpened my aim. 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . the bird is in the air.

Chloe tracked the outbound target and updated the coordinates. The great thing about Stingers is that, like a Polaroid, they are just point and shoot. I could have done this while bedding Audrey Raines, but I didn't want to finish my mission on an upset stomach. The first Stinger was away less than thirty seconds into the missile's track. Five seconds later: scratch one Taepodong. I don't know what was more satisfying; that I took out a missile in one attempt, or the obvious look on Kim Jong's face. Heh.

Oh, and just for fun, one the way home, I assassinated Kenneth Lay in time for Corn Flakes. The official cause of death is listed as a heart attack. Damn, I'm good.

Jack Bauer ♥'s NYC

Jack Bauer heart's NYC
New York City officials are in talks with producers at Fox, trying to have a couple of episodes of Season 6 filmed in New York City. With Jack on a ship to China and Tony being dead, there's only one plot line that 24 can bring to The Big Apple:
Kim Bauer goes to Central Park and is stalked by a cougar.

What other plots can arise from Gotham? Post your suggestions in the comments section.

(Source - NY Post)


Got a post about 24?
You still have time to submit it for The Carnival of Bauer!!!

The next carnival will be held at Blogs4Bauer on Monday (6/26).

Jack is Back!

Jack's Back
For you Jack-o-philes out there, you can watch the entire Season 5 - 2 hours at a time on Fridays starting June 16th. That includes breakfast as Frank Flynn, traitor, savior, and then Chinese punching bag. To complete the experience, you can also read our live and tivo blogging of the episodes in case you missed anything.

Also, Big Trouble in Little China returns in January of 2007! Tony's dead and will not return, Kim Bauer's still on hold.

If you would like to join B4B as a contributor, send Jack Bauer an email.

(Hat Tip - Grandma)

Carnival of Bauer!!! Season Finale

The Carnival of Bauer!!! Season Finale

Carnival of Bauer!!! XIII
Welcome to the Season Finale of The Carnival of Bauer!!!. This carnival is dedicated to the 24 fans who have contributed and hosted the most dangerous Blog Carnival in the history of Blog Carnivals. How dangerous is it? Well Glenn Reynolds linked to us after he stated on his podcast that he had stopped linking carnivals. When Jack Bauer tells you to link to a damn carnival, you better link to the carnival.

The Carnival of Bauer!!! will return as a monthly carnival (unlike Jack Bauer who's dead) for the "off season". While the number of posts may drop, we can fill the carnival rolls with simple Google News and Yahoo searches that are sure to have people coming back for more.

Now for the exciting 2-hour Carnival of Bauer!!! Season Finale.

///Begin Transmission///

Emperor Misha I opens the carnival with the first of many Chinese slogans with Slow Boat to China posted over at Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. I personally like "Big Trouble in Little China".

The Right Mom knows why Jack Bauer got nabbed. Mom notes in her recap, Bauer left his manpurse behind. Hell hath no fury like a manpurse scorned.

Karen of Scottsdale from The View from My Chair presents her recap of the 2-hour season finale: 24 Day 5 5:00-7:00 a.m.

Jeff Kouba at Peace Like A River presents his recap 24 Day 5 5:00 AM - 7:00 AM. Just in case you were wondering, Jeff notes the Number of times Jack says "Now!" is 38 for the season.

Everyone saw that it was the Chinese who have taken Jack Bauer right? Not so fast, Point Five states that China has denied kidnapping both The Lindbergh baby and now Jack Bauer.

The Llama Butchers know that Jack Bauer is dead. They don't need paper clues since Fox leaked them a publicity shot for Season 6. Jack is the Walrus.

King Tom's Kingdom presents Double the 24, Double the fun which is a post with "Not-so-deep thoughts on the final two hours of season 5." Tom knows there's really nothing deep about 24 to begin with.

Little Miss Chatterbox recaps the season finale for 24, Prison Break, and Alias. Her recap also notes her losing out on a Fox Award. She has been Jack Bauer's biggest fan this season and deserves something more than a little Fox award. LMC you have won The Jack Bauer Thinks You Are #1 Award, presented by Bill Buchanan (Jack Bauer doesn't have time for awards).

Part-Time Pundit notes in this post - the addictive quality of 24. Tony and Jack agree, they both prefer heroin.

Steve over at MagicLamp.org presents his recap of 24: 5 am to 7 am. He posts his comments at some guy named Dave Barry's blog. CTU has already set up a perimeter around Dave Barry's blog, which means absolutely nothing.

///end transmission///

That's it for the Season Finale. The next Carnival of Bauer!!! will be posted in Pirate talk on the last Monday of June.

Previous Carnivals
Announcing the Carnival of Bauer!!!
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 1 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of Edgar- Week 2 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of Tony - Week 3 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of Life - Week 4 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of the Cougar - Week 5 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 6 - Blogs4Bauer
The Carnival of Logan - Week 7 - Inn of the Last Home
The Carnival of Jenny!!! - Week 8 - Justin's Random Thoughts
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 9 - Below the Beltway
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 10 - Right Wing Nation
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 11 - The Llama Butchers
The Carnival of Bauer!!! - Week 12 - Cake or Death

*The Carnival of Bauer!!! will now take place on the last Monday of the month. Email Jack Bauer if you would like to host one.

Upcoming Carnivals:
Monday - June 26th
Monday - July 31

24: Kill Counter Finale

24: Final Four
After 2,514 votes - the final four 24 cast members you voted as "most likely to survive" are:
1) Jack Bauer
2) Chloe O'Brian
3) Curtis Manning
4) Kim Bauer

The four that rated lowest in the poll: Bierko, Henderson, Frau Blucher, and Tony Almeida.


Kim Bauer
Kim has the amazing ability to screw things up for Jack. While Kim, her acne, and her boy toy got small roles this season - there is plenty of time for her to make her mark. Remember that Henderson introduced Kim to her shrink/boyfriend.

Curtis Manning
Where the hell has Curtis been this season? He finally teamed up with Bacardi (Jack) for the last episode only to get shot. Did he marry the Russian prostitute? Did Jack's punch to the head cause him brain damage? Anyway, Curtis is headed back to CTU Medical where they will either kill him or torture him.

Chloe O'Brian
Killing off Chloe would be the worst move for Fox since Skating With Celebrities. Chloe's death would send nerds into a rage - ratings would slip to Commander in Chief levels. No, Chloe will be around to spread her sunny disposition across CTU, a trait that caused Edgar to eat.

Jack Bauer
Even Chuck Norris knows that Jack Bauer could die tonight. I keep telling people this and I'm sick of the "but he signed on for 3 more seasons" response. He did sign on, but that doesn't mean that "Season 6" will take place after this one. 24 Prequels could happen. Jack could also die and then become an Obi-Wan Kenobi type character coming back to give nuggets of advice to Curtis and his crew. "Curtis, we don't have time for you start questioning your spirituality" yells the ghost of Jack Bauer to Agent Manning.

Regardless, the commercials state that we will not be disappointed with the 2 hour season finale.

Who will live? Who will die? Watch and find out. And read and comment during our liveblog while you are at it. Then, check back later for VtheK's exclusive TIVO blogging.

Blogs4Bauer Challenge -
1) Guess Tonight's 2 Hour Body Count

Here on Blogs4Bauer, when you see that Tyler is liveblogging - you know a boring 24 will soon follow. This season, whenever there was a slowdown in Jack's day, Tyler was liveblogging. However, when we teamed him up with RFTR in a Liveblogorama - the 24 Gods smiled and dusted 12 CTU agents before the first commercial break. With some assumptions on the size and class of Russian nuclear subs, the final tally ended up at 121.

Other
Click Here for the Jack Bauer Kill Counter.

Blogs4Bauer Challenge Results
Episodes 1,2 - 9 Bodies
The Conservative UAW Guy (Guess - 4)
Episodes 3,4 - 14 Bodies
RFTR - 14
Episode 5 - 2 Bodies
AL - 2
Episode 6 - 1 Body
AL - 1
Episode 7 - 5 Bodies
Mr. Bob - 5
Episode 8 - 14 Bodies
Deathlok - 13
Episode 9 - 7 Bodies
RFTR - 7
Episode 10 - 8 Bodies
The Man - 8
Episodes 11, 12 - 59 Bodies
Justin - 27
Episode 13 - 3 Bodies (including Tony)
Justin - 3
Episode 14 - 0 Bodies
Citizen Grim - 3
Episode 15 - 12 Bodies
Al - 11
Episode 16 - 7 Bodies
Shawn - 7
Oxen - 7
Episode 17 - 10 Bodies
Al - 9
Oxen - 9
Dan - 11
Denis E. Ambrose, Jr - 11
Episode 18 - 6 Bodies
The Man - 6
efitz - 6
Episode 19 - 4 Bodies
The Man - 5
Episode 20 - 0 Bodies
Craig - 0
Episode 21 - -1 Body
The Man - 0
Episode 22 - 121
NDwalters - 18

Snake on a Plane

Snake on a Plane
Don't know what that means? Oh come on, who am I kidding. Everyone knows what that means.

But, for those of you who've been living under a rock, read and learn. Bound to be the best movie of the year.

And in 24 news, we've got Jack stowed away in the luggage compartment of a plane. I'm curious to see how they get him up into the plane, since luggage compartments are almost always sealed separately from passenger compartments, but obviously they will—and then he'll make as much commotion as snakes on a plane. All by himself. See how it all links together?

What do you want from me? The Man usually writes this stuff. I'm just covering for him. But since I'm completely unoriginal, I'll instead tempt you with what has to be one of the most contrived scenes in the history of this show. And that's saying something. See? I told you he gets out of the baggage area.

Anyway, on to the:

Blogs4Bauer Challenge -
1) What kind of trouble will Jack make on the plane?
2) Guess tonight's Body Count

The Jack Bauer Kill Counter could see more movement than thousands of slithering snakes coming at Samuel L. Jackson. Will this plane crash like all the rest that Jack has been near? Will Kim show up afterwards to tell him that she told him he was bad news? Will they finally admit that Tony's not dead?

Watch and find out. And read our liveblog while you do. Then, check back later for VtheK's exclusive TIVO blogging.

Other
Click Here for the Jack Bauer Kill Counter, click here to vote in the 24: Final Four.

Blogs4Bauer Challenge Results
Episodes 1,2 - 9 Bodies
The Conservative UAW Guy (Guess - 4)
Episodes 3,4 - 14 Bodies
RFTR - 14
Episode 5 - 2 Bodies
AL - 2
Episode 6 - 1 Body
AL - 1
Episode 7 - 5 Bodies
Mr. Bob - 5
Episode 8 - 14 Bodies
Deathlok - 13
Episode 9 - 7 Bodies
RFTR - 7
Episode 10 - 8 Bodies
The Man - 8
Episodes 11, 12 - 59 Bodies
Justin - 27
Episode 13 - 3 Bodies (including Tony)
Justin - 3
Episode 14 - 0 Bodies
Citizen Grim - 3
Episode 15 - 12 Bodies
Al - 11
Episode 16 - 7 Bodies
Shawn - 7
Oxen - 7
Episode 17 - 10 Bodies
Al - 9
Oxen - 9
Dan - 11
Denis E. Ambrose, Jr - 11
Episode 18 - 6 Bodies
The Man - 6
efitz - 6
Episode 19 - 4 Bodies
The Man - 5

Kim Bauer Caption "Contest"

Where Have You Gone Kim Bauer? Caption Contest
1) Caption or photoshop this
2) Email photoshop entries to Jack Bauer

Note: No one wins these 24 caption contests.