Liveblogging: 4 AM to 5 AM
8:52 (local time): If you're showing up at 9:00 EST expecting to see the liveblogging and 24 craziness beginning, get out of my country. Only illegal immigrants wouldn't know that the President was speaking tonight on immigration/border control/guest working issues, and everything on Fox is delayed by 20 minutes.
So come back at 9:20, watch 24, read both of our liveblogs, and then hop the border back to your homeland.
I'll be back in half an hour.
9:19 (local time): Here we go, folks.
4:00 (Bauer time)— Does anyone else still say "on the day of the California Presidential Primary" when he says "the following takes place between 4 AM and 5 AM"?
4:01—Chloe blew it. Miles is the mole.
4:02—So the Homeland Security red-shirts wear white? Doesn't seem to stop Jack from sucker-punching them, though. Or choking rats.
4:05—So, seriously, did the writers not know we'd all be screaming "Jack! Play the damn recording into your voicemail!" Honestly, that's just piss-poor writing.
4:06—RELEASE BARRABAS! Um, I mean BAUER! Then send him to go take out el presidente weasel-o. (I'm practicing my Spanish for when La Raza succeeds. I'm getting pretty good at it. I thought I made up the word "aeropuerta" and then my girlfriend informed me that that's the right word for airport.)
4:08—Why would they transfer Bierko so quickly? There was no real urgency for it, and if the idiots at CTU had simply read Jack's file they would have known that Bierko was going to escape and find another cannister of nerve gas.
This show is so frustrating sometimes. Sigh.
Ads—Taco Bell ad. Didn't Taco Bell's motto used to be "Head for the border"? Or "Run for the Border"? Or something like that? I wonder how that line would play today.
4:13—First Lady Weasel just considered and then rejected suicide by marriage to weasel. And then walked out into a hallway with the ugliest big puffy white spikey lamps I've ever seen in my life.
4:15—Ooooh. Pierce gonna kick some Presidential butt. Check out that look on his face. NICE. Even with all that rage, he calls him "Mr. President." That's class.
4:17—Is it really the Secret Service's duty to bring the President to justice for traitorous behavior? I have a feeling that technically they're supposed to protect him no matter what he does.
And he pulls out the first name like a ton of bricks.
His loyalty is to David Palmer? No, his loyalty is to the country whereas the President's is to his own pride.
4:21—So now we're back to getting the nerve gas and getting information out of Henderson. And Jack Bauer has lost faith in the ability of torture to get information out of people? What's going on?? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
4:22—I say they wake Tony up and let him torture Henderson.
Why do I get the feeling Jack isn't offering Henderson a deal? And that he's going to kill Henderson instead? I'm probably wrong, but I don't think Jack wants to let Henderson go at any cost.
4:24—Let Henderson have full immunity and then shoot his wife in the kneecap. Perfect compromise.
4:25—Good point "You can't believe that Charles Logan masterminded this all himself." "Charles Logan" and "mastermind" definitely don't come together naturally.
So Jack and Henderson are going out together? If we had Bacardi and Cola before, what is this? Bacardi and really really old scotch?
Ads—Uneventful. Lame. This is the problem with liveblogging, and I hope you people appreciate the sacrifice I'm making: 24 is much better when watched 20 minutes late through a DVR filter. I'm suffering here!
4:31—I'm just so glad Comrade HATO is back. Does that make me a bad person? What if I'm glad he's back because I want to see Jack and Henderson go medieval on his rear-end? Preferably with a hacksaw.
4:32—Buchanan: "We can get through it." Chloe (pinch your nose): "Not a Phoenix shield. It's a poison pill, glavin."
4:34—If Red Foreman hadn't been tortured so long, he would have won that fight. Oh wait, he did anyway, thanks to a little hellp from First Lady Annie Oakley.
That was awesome.
Ads—Um. That chick who used to be on Ed that just did the sunless tanning ad? Maybe it was just the hue on my TV, but she looked pretty orange when she said "no fake orange color." Do women really fall for that crap?
4:40—Bacardi, really really old scotch AND cola, all together! Man, that would taste AWFUL. Especially if you're a terrorist.
4:41—Oh crap. Another perimeter. We're in serious trouble now.
4:43—Jack's climbing like a monkey with a man-purse. Henderson's being scanned by the TSA before entering the arms dealer's apartment. Is it just me, or does this guy seem remarkably fresh and with it for 4:45 in the morning.
4:45—So this guy has state-of-the art security systems of all kinds. But his front door is sheet metal. His second door is freaking glass. And Jack can get in through the ceiling vents?
And now Cola is bleeding. Stupid really really old scotch. Why didn't you just TELL them that was your plan?
4:46—Chloe says it's going to take her a while to decrypt the files. BS. All she's got to do is type really fast and grimmace at the screen. I've seen enough of this show to know that.
Ads—Local Fox news "see who's selling booze to kids and who's getting rich." I'm going to guess the people getting rich are the ones selling booze to kids. $10. Anyone take me up on it?
4:52—Is it just me, or is Martha seriously crossing the Agent/Proctectee line? I swore she was going to start licking the blood off his face any second. Not in a vampire way—just a sexual way.
4:54—Wait a minute. Did they just say they were getting the benefit of a technology-share from the treaty that was signed 12 hours ago? Are we really to believe that Russian and U.S. forces can link up that quickly when CTU can't figure out that a guy with Samwise Gamgee's ID badge isn't Samwise Gamgee?
4:56—Why didn't that dumbass naval officer just seal the freaking hatch? Jackass.
4:59—Okay, anyone know how many sailors on a Russian sub of that class? I don't even want to think about figuring out the kill count for this episode.
So. Comments? I thought that was a pretty lackluster episode. The writers are starting to get lazy. Time to torture them into some action.
Your thoughts in the comments. V the K's liveblog tomorrow. And more goodies all week!