Counterpoint: Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little."

My name is Colonel Nathan R. Jessup, former commanding officer of Guantanamo Bay Naval Base. You liberals know it better as Camp Gitmo. Previously, you heard an argument from two of history's greatest jokes, president William Clinton and his vice-idiot, Al "I invented the internet" Gore. (I refuse to capitalize their titles, due to the great harm they have done this country in their near decade of disservice. They must have been sailors.)

These "men" would have you believe that it is our duty to turn over Jack Bauer - a national treasure, by the way - to those yellow devils of the Orient. This move would be yet another blunder by an ambiguously gay duo that was responsible for American citizens' deaths in the first WTC attack, Somalia, and Kosovo. Giving Bauer to the Chinese is comparable to a death sentence; for a man who has saved the lives of two Presidents, as well as those of this great country. Clinton says he feels China's pain. How can that be, when he is usually feeling other women's asses?

There are still 19 canisters - Not 15. Got your numbers wrong again, Bill - somewhere in the vicinity of Los Angeles. Jack Bauer is the most qualified asset in place to find them before the unthinkable happens. Clinton and Gore's "cut and run" idea will endanger this nation, and it is totally unacceptable. So we tick off a billion Chinamen; there's plenty more where that came from.

Finally, Clinton and Gore can keep their speed skaters, General Tso's Chicken, and the like. Real men prefer chili dogs, baseball, and muscle cars.

Clinton and Gore need a Code Red. On the double!

Point: It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese