24 Live Blog Midnight to 1:00 AM

Good evening boils and ghouls. I'm V the K, and I lost today's round of naked buck-buck. The LiveBlog is mine.

12:00 It's Bauer Time. Have we seen Jack eat or go to the bathroom in any of the previous episodes?

12:01 So, on one side, there's Logan and the Department of Homeland Security searching for Jack. On the other side, Jack + Diet Cola + Chiggy Killer. Um, the Washington Generals had a better chance of beating the Globetrotters.

12:05 Is Heller in a Lockheed Jetstar. Classic! That's just what Pussy Galore flew in Goldfinger.

12:06 What's on Jack's iPod. Elwy and the Tree Weasels, singing the classic hit "Let's Whack David Palmer." Secretary Heller ----> Not surprised that Logan is a weasel.

12:09 SMOOCHIES!

12:10 Heller throat chops Jack, takes his iPod, and says he's going to take down Logan himself, because exposiing his perfidy would rip this country apart. Puh-lease. That's Hillary Talk.

12:16 Time to play "Spy on Chloe," a game perfected by Edgar in the bushes outside Chloe's bedroom window.

12:17 Anita Hill is wearing a wire. I bet it's small black and curly.

12:18 Chloe's call is tracked to Van Nuys Airport! The Washington Generals score!

12:22 Now, President Logan claims to be sending the military to get Jack. If he is sending the entire 101st airborne, it might be a fair fight.

12:23 No! Dick Cheney, Never corner a frightened weasel! They can turn on you at any moment!

12:30 Cool. Chloe's pick-pocket trick with Miles CTU Shopper's Club card is even better than Matt Broderick's tape recorder trick in Wargames.

12:31 Oh, no! Stopped in the hallway by Anita Hill. Maybe Chloe can use her awesome people skills to resolve this situation.

12:33 The SecDef drives his own car? Then that must have been Rumsfeld who cut me off on the Beltway this morning! And where does he get a rental at 12:30 at night anyway?

12:40 Now, Heller corners the weasel.

12:41 "Your chair is not a throne." True, if it was a throne, it would flush.

12:42 Oh, Gawd, the moonbat writers are back. "It's all about the O-I-I-I-I-I-L!"

12:43 Logan looks like "I wonder if I could tear out his throat with my sharp, needle-like teeth."

12:44 Mary Todd and Red Foreman's cell phone? I don't get it.

12:46 Who's that guy? I think his name is Bauer. He's involved in the plot in some way.

12:47 Ah, the old "Melt the handcuffs on a steampipe, then bash the guard's head in with the door trick." Classic.

12:51 No, it's not a Jetstar. It only has single engine pods, not dual pods. Never mind.

12:52 A climatic shootout at the end of the hour? Never saw that coming. I wonder if it will end with a cliffhanger.

12:54 "There's been too much killing today." You should know, pal. You did most of it.

12:55 He cut Audrey's nose! She'll bleed out in seconds.

12:59 Turns out his chair was a throne, and Heller just got flushed.