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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Point: Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead

Point: Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead
by Ted Kennedy


It sucks not being Jack Bauer on the show 24. First Palmer, then Michelle and Tony, then Edgar, and now SecDef Heller. It seems like Jack Bauer may be the only one to survive this day. I know some readers of this website would like to think that Heller could have survived the fall and splashdown. I speak from experience - don't hold your breath; Heller's dead.

I know the irony is just killing all you right-wing wackjobs, Ted Kennedy pointing out the occupant of a car driven into the water is dead. Laugh all you want, it won't bring Heller back to life.

SecDef Heller was thinking ahead by driving with his window open. With the window open, once the car hit the water, it would have quickly filled up with water and equalized the water pressure. He could have then opened the door and swam out. However, it looks like he had a 40 foot fall before he hit the water. Odds are, the impact knocked him out and the water just rushed in and drowned him. Don't forget the black helicopter! Even if Heller escaped, the bad guys with machine guns would have raked him with enough lead to sink him to the bottom.

I'd like to sit here and chat with you Bauer-freaks, but I have a real job to do. Are you aware that we also have a right-wing president who needs to be stopped from going after oil in "Central Asia"? What good would it do anyway, I hear some of you still think Tony's still alive? Come on Ladies, Tony and Heller are dead as last Tuesday. Teddy out.

Counterpoint: Anything Is Possible
by Mary Jo Kopechne




Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point- Jack Bauer Puts the "Special" in Special Agentby Agent David Breckinridge
Counterpoint- Breckinridge, You Couldn't Hold Jack Bauer's Jock.by Chloe O'Brian

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from Match.com)Counterpoint - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it!
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!

6 comments:

kdeweb said...

I will hold out on declaring Tony dead until the last second of the last day of 24. Until then he can easily come back at any time.

Viva La Soul Patch!

NDwalters said...

Kdeweb, I hate to break it to you, but the Fox 24 site and others declare Tony as DEAD. They put a sheet over him. Secretary Thumbs, is another story.

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