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Sunday, April 02, 2006



"JACK BAUER IS A DEMOCRAT?"



I saw it here and did a double take. The outrage! The scandal! The sheer effrontery of the idea!

I apologize to any Democrats who have accidentally wandered into this den of iniquity, but even a real Democrat has got to know that Jack Bauer woud rather be caught kissing President Jellyfish's ass than being identified with that political party of wimps, whiners, wangers, wingnuts, and whatchamacallits.

Jack eats Democrats for breakfast and uses their bones to pick his teeth.

Jack tortured a Democrat once. He stopped because he doesn't like jello (everyone knows Jack is a pudding man).

Jack dated a Democrat for a while. He broke it off when she told him that she thought a Glock was a musical instrument.

I'm sure you folks can do a lot better than this. Give us your best shot in the comments.

20 comments:

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

I don't have any clever sayings except that t-shirt is blasphemy in my opinion :-).

Denis E. Ambrose, Jr. said...

Jack Bauer tried to use Democrats as seasoning on his food, but they were too weak.

Anonymous said...

what is your proof that says he is a republican?

Buckley F. Williams said...

"what is your proof that says he is a republican?"

He carries a firearm.

He knows how to use a firearm.

He doesn't feel sorry for torturing evil people to save lives.

He pees standing up.

Tim AKA State said...

I do all of those, and I am no republican.

Anonymous said...

he certainly had quite an affinity for david palmer, who was a democrat. duh.

fllinc said...

Well, he obviously can't be a Republican either... He's succeding in his «war» to terrorism!

Anonymous said...

ooh, burn!

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

Technically David Palmer may have called himself a democrat but he sure never acted like one. I loved that man as president.

In Joel Surnow's interview on Rush's show he said that Logan is the anti-Palmer. Isn't that the truth??????????

Little Miss Chatterbox said...

By the way Buckley, loved your response!!!

V the K said...

The placement of the stars suggest part of the statement has been removed, probably because it contains profanity. Perhaps the words "no f**king way" have been covered by stars.

Or, maybe he became a Democrat as a cover to infiltrate a terrorist organization.

al said...

V, it's a real shirt.

Scary.

Greg said...

Taylor Marsh is dreaming.

V the K said...

Al, I figured it was real. I'm also thinking it's along the lines of "My Other Car Is a Porsche" "My other girlfriend is Jenna Jameson" sort of thing.

Anonymous said...

"maybe he became a Democrat as a cover to infiltrate a terrorist organization."

Love it!

The Man said...

I think Jack is from Canada, so isn't he a quasi-Socialist?

TC said...

Jack Bauer is a Dead Boy.

NateG said...

"He knows how to use a firearm."

Not so much... Last week (hour?) Jack definitely had the slide out of battery while threatening Her Hotness. (Though in his defense, the doggone marshall didn't have a round chambered) However, Jack has managed to fire a gun without having the slide in battery before (earlier episode, shooting at a car), so perhaps Jack was merely showing his amazing skills with guns... Jack doesn't need a loaded gun to shoot you. Umm... yeah.

[/blasphemy]

Ryan said...

In the backwards world of 24, where Democrat David Palmer is generally unflinching when it comes to dealing with terrorist, and Republican Charles Logan is a pansy-assed wimp who makes Jacque Chirac look tough, it's easy to see why Jack Bauer is a Democrat.

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