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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Counterpoint: My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU! - by the ghost of Stephen Saunders

As a former colleague of Jack Bauer - former meaning deceased - I can sympathize with the nameless, faceless CTU security guard. I mean, who in their right mind would think that the COUNTER-TERRORIST UNIT would be susceptible to covert (and overt) attacks? Not me, nor my rotting corpse, that's for sure.

And that mental defective who decided to give you fake guns? He deserves a fate worse than my untimely death. Here's a reality check, sir: the guns aren't rubber and wobbly; your limp-wristed liberal arms are!

Frankly, my teenage daughter alone could do a better job than you hacks. Hell, even one Philadelphia Police Detective could have at least stopped half of these incidents. Well, maybe "half" is giving too much credit, but I digress.

Let's take a look at the track record of CTU's security guards.
  • CTU has been infiltrated at least once every year.
  • While CTU "security" was scratching their collective asses, terrorists compromised top secret files, bombed the building, and released deadly nerve gas.
  • The following were murdered on site at CTU L.A. on your watch: Teri Bauer, Nina Myers, Paula Schaeffer, Edgar Stiles, countless other terrorists, "people of interest," and CTU employees.

Oh, and let's not mention MYSELF!!! Good move, guys; have Rafael's widow collect his personal effects . . . and his semi-automatic pistol!!! The next thing I knew, I was here in the afterlife. Although I also heard Jack Bauer bought it last year, but I still haven't seen him around. Interesting.

Point: CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens

2 comments:

The Man said...

Stephen Saunders...gets shot by a woman, who grabbed a gun to take revenge.

Sounds like the teenage Russian hooker plotline from Season 5.

Wyatt Earp said...

Or, the Tony/Robocop plotline that is due to come up next episode. Damned predictability!