As a proud father of a special little girl, I'm outraged at CBS for their use of my daughter, Kim Bauer, to promote their new news anchor, Katie Couric. As you can see below, the editors at their internal magazine (Watch!) "photoshopped" my daughter's face over Couric's to.
This is an insult to my family that cannot go unpunished.
I'm not going to demand that CBS apologize, that's not the way Jack Bauer works. Apologizing would be just too easy to do.
A note to interns at CBS: Do not operate the water cooler on the 14th floor if you want to be able to look at your mother and not give her nightmares. Also, don't flush the toilet in the second stall in the men's room on the 18th floor. You may want to not print to the color printer on the 23rd floor. Try to not use the revolving doors in the front lobby. Oh, and don't touch the bagels in the main conference room. Finally, be on the lookout for an exploding stapler, I forgot where I left it - it's a black Swingline.
CBS, you are running out of time and I just found a hacksaw.
-Jack
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