Well, it's official. Jack Bauer has conceded to both Hillary Clinton in new York and Joe Lieberman in Connecticut. Bauer for Senate 2006 is folding up camp, and making a run for the border. With Nancy Pelosi in charge, there shouldn't be any problem crossing it. Hopefully, this won't be Jack's last foray into politics. If the following excerpts are any indication, Jack really has a knack for the bloodthirsty political game.

Top Ten Things Overheard at Bauer 2006 Campaign Headquarters

10. "Chloe is drowning her sorrows in extra virgin olive oil!"
9. "I can't believe Curtis voted for Ned Lamont."

8. "Who ordered the tuna on toast with extra ricin?"

7. "Our poles are rising. Heh, heh."
6. "Get me the address of Hillary Clinton's parents, right now!"
5. "Mr. Bauer, the concierge wants to know what happened to the piano wire."
4. "If people keep voting for Clinton, I'm gonna take their final exit poll."
3. "Kennedy got re-elected? Those idiots would elect Nina Myers."
2. "Fox News just called the race for Clinton. Would you like your rifle now, Jack?"

And the number one thing overheard at Bauer 2006 Campaign Headquarters is . . .

1. "Only two people voted for me? I kill more than that before 7am!"

Bauer Concedes Senate Race, Heads to Mexico

Bauer Concedes Senate Race, Heads to Mexico
With 99% of precincts reporting, we are sad to report that Jack Bauer will not represent New York in the US Senate. Unless the 1% of precincts includes about 2,787,165 people loyal to Jack Bauer, the fight is over for now.

Jack Bauer mailed Clinton his gun and CTU badge as a sign of concession and headed to Mexico with only his manpurse and aviators.

Bauer campaign manager, Tony Almedia called for a recount, but Chloe told him to "stop being so stupid" and told Jack that the fight was indeed over. Bauer's campaign was hurt by moles inside the campaign, terrorists, and his daughter.

There are rumors that Jack Bauer will run for president in 2008, but we all know that he doesn't have time to for rumors.

This is a video reminder to write-in "Jack Bauer" for Senate in NY and CT.


Here is how to cast your vote for Bauer in NY (using one of the old lever-style machine)
1) Enter the voting booth
2) There should be a pen or pencil attached to the booth
3) Check your flank 2 position
4) Slide back the lever on top of voting cell #4
5) Write in "Jack Bauer"
6) Pull the lever when you are done voting.

Vote Bauer - NY/CT Senate

This is a followup to our original call to run Jack Bauer for Senate of both NY and CT.


Jack Bauer wants to remind NY and CT voters to head to the polls and write in "Jack Bauer" for Senate. Tired of political ads? Vote Jack Bauer, he doesn't go negative - he gets even.

Today's NY Daily News details the process of writing Jack Bauer on to victory:

The process is simple, if not always clear, in New York City: On the far left side of every ballot, a write-in "window" can be found next to each office.

Just push the silver button at the top of the write-in column, slide open a door that covers the window in which you want to write and pencil in whatever name strikes your fancy.

In all seriousness, I plan on writing in "Jack Bauer" as a protest to the GOP for providing New Yorkers no real choice for Senate other than Hillary.

So let's try and get Jack Bauer enough votes to garner a news report or two.

Who's with me?

Counterpoint: Katie Couric Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole
by Chloe O'Brian

Jack Bauer running for Senator of New York and Connecticut is a bad idea. So says that sugary pixie Katie Couric. Couric is so sweet that I go into diabetic shock every time she broadcasts. We get it Katie; you're perky! That may have been swell when you were a high school cheerleader. But now? NO ONE CARES!

We were all really impressed when you were handed the CBS News spot on a silver platter. Did a law degree come as a side dish? Don't you worry whether or not Jack Bauer's campaign is legal. As Emporer Palpatine said, "I will make it legal."

On top of this you have the temerity to say that a "true" New Yorker should be elected to the Senate. I guess Hillary is sporting genuine Manhattan cankles? Cripes, she is more of a carpetbagger than The Man from GOP and the City! Jack is well versed in over a dozen languages: I doubt "Bronx" would be too difficult for him.

And finally, you throw out the same tired argument; that Jack Bauer is a violent psychopath. If anything, Mr. Bauer is proud of his violent record. Hell, who do you think would really represent the people of New York: a violent psychopath, or a bloated former attorney from Arkansas? I think the answer is clear.

Oh, and Katie, just so you know, you're husband isn't dead. He couldn't stand your constant blathering, so Jack smuggled him out of the country and faked his death. Chew on that.

"Courage."

Point: New York and Connecticut Need Their Own Senators
~CBS Anchor Katie Couric

Point: New York and Connecticut Need Their Own Senators

Point: New York and Connecticut Need Their Own Senators
~CBS Anchor Katie Couric

Hi, and thank you for tuning in to the Couric Power Hour. My name is Katie Couric, Dan Rather no longer works here.

Jack Bauer is running for Senator of both New York and Connecticut and I think it's a very bad idea. Bad for New York, even worse for Connetiucut, and even more worse for the Senate. New York and Connecticut need their own senators; Jack Bauer should stick with what he does best - whatever that is.

First of all, is this stunt even legal? I've never heard of anyone being a Senator from two different states. Even if being a senator from two different states is ok, being a Senator from two different states at the same time is probably against the rules.

Second, I would like to know if Jack Bauer could represent the people of New York and Connecticut. He happens to be from California and has spent the past 5 seasons between Mexico, California, and a brief time in a whore house in Nevada. I know that New York needs a senator that is a true New Yorker and is not running for Senate just to make a run at a higher office.

Third, Jack Bauer is a violent psychopath with no known people skills; he has no place in a law-abiding institution like our Congress. We know what Jack Bauer is capable of with a towel, hacksaw, and a box of Peanut M&Ms. Where does this translate to an ability to create meaningful legislation? Jack Bauer cannot get a bill to become law by simply torturing it.

With these arguments in hand, I hope that the people of New York and Connecticut avoid the media hype surrounding their candidate for Senate and vote for whom they think will do a good job representing the common person from their state. That would be Ned Lamont and Hillary Clinton, not Jack Bauer.

Good Night and Good Luck, Courage.

-Katie Couric

Counterpoint: Katie Couric Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole
by Chloe O'Brian



Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point- I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent! by President Bush
Counterpoint- If I Were At CTU, None Of These Attacks Would Have Happened. by John F. Kerry

Point - Bauer, You're Out! by Jimmy "Da Hammer" Lopez
Counterpoint - Without Jack Bauer, the only cup you'd be drinking from is between your legs!- by Peter Gammons

Point- "We do not need Rack Bauer" by Chinese General Tso
Counterpoint - Jack's Coming To Thin Out Your Herd by President Logan

Point - It's time to give credit where credit is due. by Jack Bauer's manpurse
Counterpoint - That man-purse makes you look like a sissy. by Mr. Blackwell

Point - Jack Bauer's Threats Will Not Stop Iran's Nuclear Plans. by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Counterpoint - Keep It Up And We'll Give You Nuclear Weapons ASAP - Courtesy Of The B-2 Bomber. by Donald Rumsfeld

Point - Dude, I Wouldn't Hit That, Again. by Spenser Wolff
Counterpoint - A Guy Who Is Hung Like A Chinese Church-mouse Shouldn't Run His Pie-hole So Much. by Chloe O'Brian

Point - Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead. by Ted Kennedy
Counterpoint - Anything Is Possible. by Mary Jo Kopechne

Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from Match.com)Counterpoint - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!

Bauer 2006 Bumper Sticker Contest - Cont.

Bauer 2006 Bumper Sticker Contest - Continued

Jack Bauer has the look, the desire, and the guns needed to run for Senate. What he doesn't have is a bumper sticker. That's where you come in.

Your Mission: Design a bumper sticker for Bauer2006
1) Develop a bumper sticker for Jack Bauer's 2006 run for the Senate in NY and CT.
2) Either create a post and send us a link or email your design to us.
3) All entries should be submitted by Friday (9/8).

On Friday (9/14), we will host a poll to choose a winner. The winning bumper sticker design will be placed on CafePress for sale. Any proceeds will be donated to AnySoldier, Inc.

Bumper Sticker Contest Entries

- Esbiem

- Esbiem

- Doug Morris

-Catscape

-Catscape

Bauer2006 Platform #5

Bauer2006 Platform #5 - No Black Helicopters

Republican candidate for Senate in New York "K.T." McFarland claims that Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) was using black helicopters to spy on her. What did McFarland do about these helicopters? She went to the media like any typical politician would do.

What would Jack Bauer do about black helicopters spying on him? Go to the media or take care of the situation himself? That's right, Jack Bauer would simply take out his handgun and shoot the helicopter(s) down. Just to make things fair, he could even shoot with his eyes closed.

Jack Bauer will shoot first, asking questions is for sissies.


Previous
Bauer2006 Launch
Bauer2006 Platform #1 - Jack Bauer is not Ned Lamont
Bauer2006 Platform #2 - Jack Bauer will not cut and run
Bauer2006 Platform #3 - Jack Bauer will cut moles and waste
Bauer2006 Platform #4 - Jack Bauer will man the border fence

Bauer2006 - Endorsement #1

Bauer2006 Endorsements
Private First Class Bill Rizer
Private First Class Lance Bean

Hi, I'm PFC Rizer my buddy is PFC Bean - you know us as Contra. All the following important messages are belong to us.

When we get into a firefight with Red Falcon and all we have are some Spread Guns, there's only one person we want as backup, Jack Bauer.

With Jack Bauer in a political fight of his own, he needs our help. Are you willing to sit by and let him battle alone? No!

We endorse Jack Bauer in his run for Senate in both NY and CT.

Bauer2006 Bumper Sticker Contest

Jack Bauer has the look, the desire, and the guns needed to run for Senate. What he doesn't have is a bumper sticker. That's where you come in.

Your Mission: Design a bumper sticker for Bauer2006
1) Develop a bumper sticker for Jack Bauer's 2006 run for the Senate in NY and CT.
2) Either create a post and send us a link or email your design to us.
3) All entries should be submitted by Friday (8/18).

Next Friday (8/18), we will host a poll to choose a winner. The winning bumper sticker design will be placed on CafePress for sale. Any proceeds will be donated to AnySoldier, Inc.


Bumper Sticker Contest Entries

- Esbiem

- Esbiem

Bauer2006 Platform #3

Bauer2006 Platform #3 - Jack Bauer will cut moles and waste
No candidate running for Senate in both New York and Connecticut in can do more to cut moles and waste than Jack Bauer. For too long, blowhards on both sides of the aisle have gone to town on pork and for too long, no other Senator was there to pull out a knife and a blowtorch to trim the pork. Until now.

As Senator of New York and Connecticut, Jack Bauer will also use his mole-finding skills in Washington DC. The next time a "leak" is discovered, it will be plugged before the ink dries on the morning edition of The NY Times.

How will Jack deal with leaks you ask? Well let's just say Bauer's Bag o'Tricks includes a car battery, nipple clamps, a Yanni CD, and a towel. For good measure, a hacksaw is on the way.

Let me ask you one question. Do you want a Senator who will name a bridge after himself or one who will blow up a bridge then name the explosion after himself?

Jack Bauer 2006 - Representation with Extreme Persuasion.


Jack Bauer for Senate of both NY and CT approved this message.

Previous
Bauer2006 Launch
Bauer2006 Platform #1
Bauer2006 Platform #2

Jack Bauer 2006

Jack Bauer is prepared to bend the rules in order to save America, again.

Blogs4Bauer is proud to be the exclusive home of Bauer2006. Jack Bauer is running and Bauer06 is the "netroots" effort to elect him to represent both Connecticut and New York in the US Senate. That's right both Connecticut and New York as a write-in candidate for Senate. Did I stutter?

Blogs4Bauer will host a series of posts leading up to Election Day in November. We will have FAQs, platforms, and even host a debate.

Email us or post a comment below if you want get involved.

Also, check out the Bauer2006 Bumper Sticker Design Contest

Platforms
Bauer2006 Platform #1 - Jack Bauer is not Ned Lamont
Bauer2006 Platform #2 - Jack Bauer will not cut and run
Bauer2006 Platform #3 - Jack Bauer will cut moles and waste
Bauer2006 Platform #4 - Jack Bauer will man the border fence

Endorsements
Contra - NEW
Solid Snake - NEW
Hugh Hewitt
Instapundit
GOP and the City
RFTR
The Body Politic
SondraK
Cake or Death
The Smoking Room
Dirkworld
GOP and College
Citizen Grim
Blogs4Condi
John Bauer
Below the Beltway
Wyatt Earp
Joe Gringo
Life With Al
Kitty Myers
First State Politics
Reject the Koolaid
Little Miss Chatterbox
BlogDC
The National Review
The New York Times (just kidding)

Other
Add a Bauer2006 logo to your website.