Hello, I'm Milo Pressman. You may remember me as the greatest hero in CTU history, and I am now communicating with you from beyond the grave. Booooooooooooo! Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. But I did mean to set the record straight on a few things before I can rest in peace.
First of all, I demand that my photo be placed in the CTU Hall of Fame, post haste! Not only did I foil the multiple gunmen earlier today who were trying to kill Marilyn Bauer- when Jack Friggin' Bauer was no where to be seen - but I also took a bullet to the noggin protecting millions and millions of innocents. I'm a God-damned hero. Treat me like one.
Secondly, where is the outrage at my untimely death? I get shot in the pumpkin and after a few gasps, everyone goes about their business? WTF? Don't give me that, "Some Asian jerkass is pointing an automatic weapon at me" nonsense. You people should be in mourning. Every able-bodied CTU employee should sacrifice their lives trying to avenge me. I am your leader. You are my people. And yet, it appears that "my people" are a bunch of pussies. I sure am glad I died for all of you.
And finally, even though every one of them wanted me, what's the deal with the women at CTU? It is obvious that I am the most eligible bachelor roaming these sterilized hallways, and yet I score less often than a certain Philadelphia blogger! Chloe used and abused me, then went rushing to that human cue ball Morris. Audrey Raines said she'd call me right before she went to Japan, and Michelle Dessler was about to consummate our undying love only minutes before she was incinerated outside her residence. I mean, what the hell?!! This is not how you treat a legend!!!
By the way, for the record, I was the greatest lover either Chloe or Nadia ever had. Peace out!