Carnival of Bauer

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Friday, December 23, 2005

24 Top 10

RFTR wanted the B4B contributors to come up with something special for the big launch. Being a big, dumb guy, I thought he said big "lunch," so I waited until the last minute to think of an idea. Here we go:

The Top 10 Things I Don't Wanna See In The New Season

10. A Politically-Correct Enemy. I can't tell you how much I cringed when Keifer Sutherland's "All Arabs aren't terrorists" spots aired ad nauseum last season. We get it, guys. On a related note, there are very few Calvinist terrorists, so make your villains believable.

9. A Love Interest For Jack. Every woman Jack gets biz-aay with always ends up either dead, a terrorist, or a mega-bitch. Is it too much to ask for Jack to be celibate for one season?

8. Small Arms. Sure, the Glock is great for concealment, but it can't hurt to throw a few AR-15's in the mix once in a while. Blow stuff up!

7. Edgar Stiles. God, what a fat, whiny bastard! Like every other fan of the show, I despise this toad. Edgar, I'm glad your mother is dead. I only wish you could have been there with her.

6. A Whiny, Wishy-Washy President. Speaking of whiny bastards, are there any redeeming values to President Logan. Cripes, this guy must have been patterned after Jimmy Carter. The Commander-in-Chief should not sit when he pees. Logan does.

5. A 45-Minute Commercial For Ford. Look, I buy American, and I drive American, but the requisite whoring for the Ford Motor Company really frosts my weenie. Enough already.

4. Any Hiatus. 24 episodes in a row, please. End of message.

3. Another Mole. CTU Los Angeles has more moles than Cindy Crawford. Who the hell runs NCIC checks on these people, Stevie Wonder? Note to the producers: no government agency on earth has as many infiltrations as CTU does! Well, except maybe the EPA.

2. Chloe "Out Of Uniform." I can barely look at this broad when she's fully clothed. Brutal.

And the number one thing I don't wanna see this season is . . .

1. Michelle Dessler "In Uniform." Hubba, hubba!

"Houston, we have a hottie!"


Rell said...

i like Kim a little bit more -- but I'm ready for Season 5 as well. I guess i'll check this blog more often...

Dionne said...

This blog is a great idea. I totally agree with you on points #10,7,6,4 & 3. I got a huge laugh out of #7. I couldn't stand the wishy washy president. He was pathetic. I was screaming at the TV whenever he was on. I so want Palmer to come back. Too bad he can't be president again. He plays such an awesome president that I joked with my husband that if he was a Republican I would want him to run in real life.

Being a woman I totally disagree with on #9. Seeing as Kiefer Sutherland has gotten even hotter as he has gotten older I want to see a full-fledged relationship build. I didn't like his wife and I hated Audrey. I liked the other 2 chics but we never got to see their romantic relationship build.

Also, if you haven't checked Dave Barry's blog out on 24 you need to. It is hilarious. You go to his blog and then click on 24 under his categories section:

I also linked to you guys on my post today.

Buckaroo Banzai said...

Rell - Thanks! I agree that Kim is uber-hot, but she's RFTR's obsession. I didn't want to step on his toes!

LMC - Thank you. "President" Logan is such a mealy-mouthed worm, that he makes Carter look like a stand-up guy. Your point about #9 has merit, though, but I would like them to choose someone better than another "Audrey." Blech!

RFTR said...

I wouldn't call her my "obsession."

"Stalkee" is probably a better word.

Wait, I've said too much.

AlexandraRS said...

You can't ask a man to be celibate for a whole season if you couldn't do it yourself. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to do it...

Buckaroo Banzai said...

RFTR - Nice. Now SWAT is enroute to your location.

ME - Have you seen a picture of me? I have had celibacy forced upon me by Mother nature!