"You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his whole life sucks? Well, that used to be me. Every time something good happened to me...
something bad was waiting right around the corner...
Karma. That's when I realized that I had to change, so I made a list of everything bad I ever did and one by one I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My Name is Jack."
(Props to The Man for the screencaps)
Jack Bauer's Karma List
1. Let Kim believe I was dead for a year and a half.
2. Let Audrey's husband die so docs could save a Chinese guy.
3. Talked an innocent young naval engineer into a slicing another man's throat open.
4. Led on Hair-boy and his mom, then ditched them as soon as Audrey came back in the picture.
5. Committed armed robbery of gas station
6. Hijacked airplane at gunpoint
7. Stole lunch from employee refrigerator at oil drilling site.
8. Tricked a terrorist into believing his family had been executed by Saudi authorities.
9. Tasered Marine helicopter pilot.
10. Terrorized bank VP and his wife, got the former killed.
11. Sold German guy a self-destructing agent list.
12. Made Nina Myers strip in front of me.
13. Sent Michelle Dressler back to terrorists after she had managed to escape.14. Invaded the Chinese embassy, resulting in the death of the Chinese consul
15. Told Behrooz's mom I was going to protect her, then turned her over to bloodthirsty terrorists.
16. Told Behrooz I was going to protect him, then turned him over to bloodthirsty terrorists.
17. Shot Biff Henderson's wife in the leg
18. Shot Biff Henderson in cold blood ...
The list goes on for another 13,173 items.... feel free to list them.
22 comments:
19. Cut off Chase Edmunds arm.
20. Had sex with Maya Driscoll
21. Shot Ryan Chappelle in the head.
22. Threatened to expose a terrorist's daughter to a virus in order to extract information from the terrorist.
OK the man, you need your story set straight:
Driscoll was never near Jack, and she was a bitch.
Chappelle was an absolute bastard.
23. Left Stephen Saunders behind during Operation: Nightfall in Kosovo
Anon: Maya was Erin's crazy daughter...her love for Jack led to her suicide.
23. Didn't shoot Kim when I had the chance.
24. Stole Edgar's Chicken Pot Pie from the CTU break room.
25. Owe Curtis a "solid" for hooking me up with that earth mama.
26. Stole moves from Chuck Norris
27. Robbed a convience store and then stole Kalil's cell phone and car at gunpoint.
28. Pulled the "empty parachute" joke on George Mason.
29. Broke the "2 piece carry-on" rule at Van Nuys airport.
28. Kidnapped the President of the United States.
29. Violated the President's Fourth Amendment rights by planting a recording device on him.
30. Shot, killed, and sawed head off of a federal witness.
31. Helped to blow up CTU headquarters.
32. Shot and killed Nina Meyers in cold blood. Then lied about it.
33. Did NOT shoot, kill, stab, put eye out, saw head off, or even torture President Weasel when he had the chance.
I think Biff Henderson is still around somewhere. I think he was just "disappeared."
Torturing Paul Rains with a stripped lamp cord isn't on the Karma List?
Upon cursory review, numbers 3, 6, 8, 9, 11 -- and even #1 -- were done to save the country.
Number 17 was motivation.
Number 18 was housecleaning.
35. The Sentinel.
36. Made Rudy run into a room full of nerve gas.
37. Can navigate between any two locations in Los Angeles within five minutes but doesn't tell any one else how it's done.
38. Told Tony not to kill Henderson, then Henderson killed Tony.
39. Released ass clown Miles Papazian from choke hold.
40. As an "undocumented worker" for 18 months, I didn't pay any local, state, federal, social security, or medicare taxes.
47- Had sex with Nina Myers
48- Not educating Kim on how to behave or think(that's why she is so stupid and careless)
49- Not shooting Henderson's wife in the kneecap
50- Not forgive Heller for his betrayal
51- Letting Kim marry Chase
I differ in 36 and 42. Samwise Gamgee had it coming. His bad karma was surrendering the keycard to that crackwhore and not reporting it to CTU......thinking about it, he got it easy
And #42....It's f'kn Kim bauer! She may be dumb (ok, more than dumb), but she is a Bauer. Plus, she's hot as hell. I wonder if sex with Kim is so good as to deserve torture from her father......
52) Beat up Tony
53) Beat up Chase
54) Beat up Curtis
55) Drove van through wall of a warehouse at the docks
56.) I'm watching TV again and it's all his fault!
57. Attacked a hotel's Christmas Tree in England.
Am I missing something here: Why Is Henderson called Biff ? ;)
Daniel, go here to find out why we call people all the random names that we call them.
Elizabeth, unless Jack tortured you until you agreed to watch TV, this does not belong on his karma list, as it was your choice.
Unless she clarifies that he actually forced this to happen, I'm hereby striking her number 56, changing The Man's 57 to 56, and adding:
57. Kidnapped girlfriend's son and then dumped her hours later.
57. Let his future father in law, well potential, get shot at and drive his car off a cliff....Chappaquidduck style.
58. Threatened to take out Walt Cumming's eyeball.
59. Tried to strangle Miles Papazzian, whom Karen Hughes later bitch slapped.
60. Kill Joseph Wald's pitball, by shooting it. Poor doggie.
61. Thumbed various DHS whiteshirts to the ground.
62. Tazed a US Marshal to torture Joseph Prado in S4.
63. Trusted Nina Myers to do the right thing and instead she crashed CTU's system in Season 3.
Others that would have been funny...
Started the rumor that Edgar is named Truffle Shuffle.
Put a shoot me sign on George Mason's Back.
He and Tony gave George Mason a swirlie.
Led Chloe along as his main squeeze, but instead got it on with Michelle and Audrey. Man was Tony pissed.
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