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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm

2:00:00 to 2:16:02

Another hour, another helicopter. This time, it's Sameer Nagonaworkhere landing in the scenic Los Angeles River. Sameer calls Whistler (a.k.a. Miss Gradenko [since the Police are getting back together]) who is disappointed that there are only three nukes left. Whistler is a Russian ultra-nationalist, we learn from CTU, and he's kind of a sore loser about the Cold War, much like Vladimir Putin. Al Bundy returns to CTU and RPF sadly watches him walk in. Then Jack follows, and finally is reunited with his sweet, sweet potato face. After an all-too-brief reunion, Jack goes to talk to his dad about the nukes, as Zefram urgently erases all data from his phone and PDA. Zefram urges Jack not to talk to Patsy or Jack Jr about Rocket Romano. "Jack Jr is taking his father's death pretty hard." Zefram says putting air quotes around "father." RPF visits Al Bundy, but he's all full of emo angst about helping Sameer arm the bomb.

Then, Zefram sneaks out and calls a man I'll call Lurch, and tells him to they'll need to whack Jack. Chiggy then drops the bomb that Jack killed his brother with an overdose of Carville bile. Jack considers this. "Chiggy, in a way this is your fault. I mean, did you think it was a smart idea to put a guy fresh out of Chinese prison in charge of a stressful terrorist investigation?" Chiggy offers to cover for Jack, but Jack says, "No, do this right." Chiggy sighs. "Well, if I must..."

02:20:26 to 2:27:16

Julian Bashir and President Belushi have compromised, and Bashir will Host Saturday Night Live instead of Oprah, and they are working on Bashir's opening monologue... Bashir wants to do a little ditty called "Nuke in a Box." Then they get a call from Jim Jones. Jim Jones is not down with the plan to put Bashir on SNL. Bashir then warns Belushi that if he crosses powerful people, "they will come after you." "Who will come after me?" Belushi asks. "The Langoliers," Bashir warns.

Caged Weasel meets with Rodent Boy in a disused storage room last used for "private stenography sessions" during the Clinton Admin. Caged Weasel wants to know what the plan is. "We're going to get some idiot bloggers to put together evidence that Valencia was destroyed by 'controlled demolition,' and blame the president." He is sure this will bring down the government. To do this, he needs the President Belushi's precise itinerary, particularly with regard to Bashir's upcoming SNL appearance.

02:31:42 to 2:38:42

Jack confronts Patsy Ramsay and offers her an apology, but she says it's not necessary. "Actually, you did me a favor. I often thought of offing him myself." She reveals that all was not well in their house. Rocket Romano was distant, and Jack Jr recently got in trouble at school when a potato-faced girl was caught txting him answers on a Physics exam. Patsy tells Jack, "Once I followed him at night, and he went into a house I heard him talking to some men with Russian accents. Then, I realized he was just watching Rocky and Bullwinkle with Arianna Huffington." "Could you find the house again?" Jack asks her. She thinks so. Jack goes to arrange a car and a tactical team.

While Jack is gone, Patsy asks Zefram, "While we look for the house, do you mind watching Jack Junior?" Zefram is down, "Sure I'd be glad to take him hostage... I mean, back to my place." Chiggy wants Jack to take Kemper along. Zefram calls his pal Lurch and tells him to find and secure a house in West LA. He then returns to Jack Jr, tells him he's taking him home, and asks if he likes movies with Gladiators in them.

02:43:05 to 02:49:16

RPF tells Al Bundy that she needs his help running tactical. "Griff can't run this on his own," she insists. Al Bundy refuses, so she slaps him. He whines at her, "If you're going to save a bloke, save someone who's worth it." She tries to slap him again, but he grabs her. "You know, I just took a power drill to the shoulder. You think a little girly slap is going to have any effect on me." RPF is unimpressed, "Hell of a time to grow a pair, nuke-enabler-boy."

In the car, Patsy's phone rings and it's Zefram, and he wants to be called 'Susan,' (thus explaining why we never see Jack's mom). Zefram tells her, "Do what I say, or I'll hurt JJ. Also, it was me that killed Rocket Romano... and Jon-Benet." He orders her to take Jack to 999 Fake Street. Zefram gets back in his own car, where JJ is waiting, saying, "Well, we can't get back to your place, so, let's go to a Turkish bath house." Jack Jr protests that he doesn't have time for a Turkish bath house.

02: 53: 42 to 02: 59: 59

Al Bundy returns to CTU to help RPF set up the tactical assault on 999 Fake Street, even though she thinks the address sounds suspicious. Patsy tries to warn Jack, but he doesn't have time to listen to her. Jack and the team pull around the side of the house and execute Ye Olde No Knock Warrant. To no one's surprise there is a massive bomb in the house. Jack dives through a window just as it detonates, and Kemper grabs Patsy and pulls off in the tactical van like Lindsey Lohan on a mild bender pursued by Zefram's goons. Kemper sets the van to blow up while he and Patsy run for it. Jack crawls from the wreckage of the house and sees the burning truck.

Tick Tock

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

...and CTU is down to 187 tac teams.