BSG Needs Jack Bauer
You know, now that BSG has its own moonbats-in-space storyline (Peace activists demanding surrender to the Cylons) and now that Baltar has given his secret cylon underwear model girlfriend Gina a nuke*, this seems like a job for Jack Bauer, doesn't it?
I think it would go something like this:
Jack Bauer: I'm Colonial agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest fracking day of my life.
Jack Bauer: [to Gina, after breaking every finger in her hand] This will help you with the pain. [knocks her unconscious]
Colonel Tigh: We're at Condition 1, Starbuck, we don't have time for your personality disorder!
Col. Saul Tigh: You're not fit to wear the uniform.
Jack Bauer: Yeah, you're right about that part, I am not fit to wear the uniform.
[turns to Tigh]But let's get one thing straight, Saul. I don't work for you.
Jack Bauer: Was Colonial One just hit? WAS COLONIAL ONE JUST HIT?
* P.S. Fifty bucks says that said nuclear device becomes a plot device for disposing of a certain narratively inconvenient second battlestar.