by Annie Wilkes
You're right, sister, they should have given you a medal. Charles Logan was just another lying ol' dirty birdy. I've been wanting to kill Charles ever since he tried to kill that nice Secretary of Defense Heller.
But, honestly, that was kind of a cheat. When Logan stuck him in a car on that mountain road and had his guards chase him off a cliff before he could escape! And the car crashed into the sea. I was so upset and excited. But then, they called CTU and said he was alive! And everybody cheered! But I didn't cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. They just cheated us! This isn't fair! HE DIDN'T GET OUT OF THE COCK - A - DOODIE CAR!
I wish Marilyn Bauer had taken care of business the way you did, instead of getting even with Graem by sleeping with Jack and bearing his blond bastard child. It lacks nobility. In fact, Marilyn Bauer's a dirty-birdy whore, and you should probably do something about that.
That Morris O'Brien is a no-good dirty birdy, too. And he drinks, and then he lies about it. If he's too valuable to CTU, you could always break both his ankles with a sledge hammer, so he can still work at his cockie doodie computer, but he won't run away or drink again.
And you should make sure you keep that Aaron Pierce on a short leash. You go out of your way for him! You do everything to try and make him happy. And what thanks do you get? "Oh, you shouldn't have stabbed the president, Martha. You have to control your temper, Martha!" Well...
I'll control my stupid temper, but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr.MAN!
But one thing I would never do is pull Jack Bauer out of a car wreck and nurse him back to health. Oh, it would be nice at first. The house would be full of romance, and I'd get out my Liberace records. But, in the end, he'd just wait until my guard was down and bite me in the neck.
And that would be just oogie.
Counterpoint: Yo, you bitchez are crazy!
By: Flavor Flav