Counterpoint: Zombies of the world, unite!
by The Late Nelson Muntz
This nation is divided. And it is not the usual dead/undead division that is plaguing America. Instead, two zombie factions are at odds over zombie President Palmer's pacifist policies.
Does anyone realize how long we have struggled to put a zombie President in the White House? Sure, Gerald Ford was a start, but since he was not clinically dead when he was elected, we could hardly call that a victory! Zombie Wayne Palmer represents you. He represents me. He represents our zombie agenda, and I say we support him!
(Hold on a moment, I can't seem to find my left foot. Where the hell did I leave the corpse of Daniel Day-Lewis?)
Sorry. Zombie issues here. Where was I? Oh yes, our zombie President has our best interests at his undead heart. His recent bout with pacifism is merely placating his undead hippie base. Now that he has satisfied them, Dennis Hopper will leave him alone.