Carnival of Bauer

Blog Archive








Add to Google




24 Fanatic

Forums4Bauer

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 7:00 pm and 8:00 pm

07:00:00 to 07:10:47

Outside the Russian consulate... body bags... lots and lots of body bags. It's like they were hosting The Source Hip-Hop Awards. Back at CTU, they are pointing satellites at the desert looking for drones. The the nuclear-armed stealth kind, not the Borg kind. In the Desert, where night has suddenly fallen between last hour and this one, Whistler and Nagonaworkhere prepare to launch the only drone they've got ready to go. It will be remote controlled by some Russian dude with a Nintendo Wii.
"No need to ask, he's a drone operator...
drone... operator..."
Meanwhile, RPF who was upgrading security systems -- which they apparently do every couple of hours and yet still not often enough at CTU -- and noticed that Awana Fugya was using Kemper's security code, she tells them that it's a felony breach of security, but then Kemper gives her the Puss'n'Boots face. RPF says, "Oh, I can't report you," The same trick worked with Sandy Berger.

Chiggy and Al Bundy have detected the drone on satellite, and determined it's headed for downtown L.A. Then Al Bundy loses the drone, because the Russians have hacked CTU and disrupted their tracking capability. Real nice freakin' security upgrade, RPF.


07:15:12 to 07:24:13

RPF determines that if the drone had been headed to L.A., it would have gone off by now. So, they're good. Jack and Ricky Stratton show up at CTU. Chiggy wants Jack to go to medical and tend to his wounds, but Jack decides to run over and see Patsy Ramsay Bauer instead. Jack tells Patsy he still has feelings for Audrey. Patsy tells him, "Oh, forget about the Welsh tart. She's dead. But I'm alive... and I'm all woman." Jack goes into CTU and yells at RPF. "Why didn't anyone tell me Patsy was a woman?" Jack demands to see the file on Audrey's death. RPF protests, "But I've almost found the nuclear drone." Jack: "Forget about the drone. Bring me the file."

Weasel Cage gives Frau Blucher a warm welcome upon her return to the batcave ... about as warm as Pat Buchanan welcoming Elinor Clift to a United Jewish Appeal fundraiser. Jim Jones convenes his meeting with the JCS "OK, here's the long and the short of it, if that nuclear bomb detonates in US territory, we're gonna uncork some bottled sunshine over Durkadurkastan."

A creepy wheelchair-bound scientist explains the plan. "Mr. President, deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. Mein fuhrer... I mean, Mr. President, ve can achieve your results by nuking a small area near zeir norzern border. Ze casualties zhould be limited to some 2000 goatherders und zeir families."



During the break, there's a commercial for Michael Jackson's new show, "Are You Hotter than a Fifth Grader?"


07:28:36 to 07:34:55

RPF is once again closing in on the drone's position, but Kemper pulls her off so she can see if Al Bundy's been drinkin'. Priorities. RPF gives Bundy an open-mouthed kiss, "He's clean." Chiggy makes a note to put Chloe in charge of drug screening for new CTU recruits.

Back in the Batcave, Frau Blucher is opposed to the president's plan and tries to win over Weasel Cage. "This is not what President Belushi would have wanted." Weasel Cage reminds her of Belushi's track record, turning loose the terrorist, getting Valencia nuked, and besides... "the vice president makes a mean cup of grape Kool-Aid."

At CTU, after being called away to make coffee, run out to Taco Bell for snacks, and pick up Chiggy's dry cleaning, RPF has finally figured out that a mole has enabled the ♫drone operator♫ to see where they are searching before they search it, and pilot the drone away from the satellite track. The leak is coming from Awana Fuqya's computer. Awana gets hauled away by CTU Security goons, apparently wearing hand-me-downs from the Love Boat, and Kemper is stunned.

Meanwhile, Whistler and Nagonaworkhere decide the drone will detonate over San Francisco right about at the top of the hour. San Franciscans panic over the lack of time to organize an appeasement demonstration.


07:39:22 to 07:46:48

Frau Blucher checks on President Belushi and is informed he's in a coma. Frau Blucher wants to wake him up. The doctor rolls his eyes, "Didn't you hear me, I said he was in a coma?"

Kemper is all moony over Awana Fuqya, who is being interrogated by Ricky Stratton. Kemper is SO jealous, but Awana isn't impressed. "Jack would have pulled out my fingernails by now." Meanwhile, Al Bundy has located the place the signal is being fed back to. It's conveniently close to CTU and has excellent parking. Kemper tells Ricky Stratton the location of the feed, and Ricky skips off like the happy little tow-headed boy he is.

Nearby, Jack is all moony over Audrey's file. Then, he sees a tactical team deploying and asks where they're going. A tactical dude gives him the thumb's up. "Kegger at the drone pilot's house." Jack asks Chloe for a PDA and a phone. Chiggy tells him he's still injured and not to go, but Jack's all about avenging Audrey's death and stuff.


07:50:54 to 07:59:59

Jack and Ricky Stratton... gotta call them, Bacardi and Bud Light .... move in on the hideout (which must have been, like, across the street from CTU) shooting Russkis as they go. They soon reach the control room, where the ♫drone operator♫ cowers behind the control panel. Bud Light shoots him, and Bacardi takes over the controls. Since the bomb is GPS controlled, it will only detonate once it reaches its target. Jack tries desperately to steer it away.

Leslie Nielsen pokes his head in to say, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you."

Jacks steers the drone away at the last second and crash lands it in an industrial park. The nuke is on fire, but not going off. Ann Coulter delivers the news that the nuke didn't go off to the president. She's disappointed. "That would have killed millions of faggots." Jim Jones is disappointed, but decides. "Aw, hell, let's nuke 'em anyway!"

Tick-Tock

14 comments:

The Man said...

During the break, there's a commercial for Michael Jackson's new show, "Are You Hotter than a Fifth Grader?"

That a'int right....

NDwalters said...

Naw it wasn't right, but it was pretty damned funny.

Hey, where did Mary Todd, Red Foreman, and President Limpdick go to? They just ended that storyline all too quickly.

And where is Gee Wally at?

Plot holes, suck.

Greg said...

On the drone...

I say: let it crash!

What's up with Jack only getting 20 minutes of screentime per episode this season?

MK said...

Audrey had to be murder. And did you see in the accident photos, on her wrist, the bracelet? I bet it was on the wrong wrist, it was photoshopped in.

She might even be alive, in a Chinese prison... and Jack will save her. Next season might be Jack in China... that would put a new twist on the show, having Jack "off grid" and working for himself... and to save the woman he loves.

Plus you know the blond kid (his brother's kid) is really his.

Milo is working with the terrorists. He gave Nadia his access code. He wanted to cover his tracks putting it on a Muslim's computer. He left CTU bitterly, years ago. Plus, a few episodes ago, he wasn't killed by the terrorists when he was in the field. And he's been trying to cause as much of a rift as possible between people at CTU, limiting their effectiveness, stalling.

Morris could be, but Morris, the name is Welsh and means "a hero, a warrior, a brave man." If the writers have any intelligence, or education, Morris will end up being a hero. Esp. now that he fucked up by arming the nukes.

Whereas Milo, its Latin root is Miles, which means "soldier." Remember how he said he's not a field operator? This is geeky over-analysis, but if he's a "soldier" -- he's one for evil.

Furthermore, if the writers have any literary background, the two most well-known Milo characters were bad. In Catch-22 there's a Milo, "He has no allegiance to any country, person or principle unless it pays him." And the Milo in "Escape from Planet of the Apes" grows to be an evil Caesar character. I am sure the writers, and writer, knows Planet of the Apes and also Catch-22 by heart. And in Milo's last appearance, Season 1, he gives Jack unauthorized access to the computer that leads Jack to find out that Nina is the traitor -- which causes her to kill Jack's wife. Not Milo's fault, but...

Todd said...

MK said...

You, sir, are either a collosal dork, or have WAY too much time on your hands. Seriously, every day or so, take a break and go outside. See that big yellow ball thingy in the sky? It won't hurt you, I promise.

glockspeak said...

hey, I liked the Bacardi and 7-UP reference better than Bacardi and Gatorade. More like Bacardi and Miller Lite...one smooth and cool, the other cold, watered down and only good with pizza.

steveegg said...

Greg - damn straight.

Glockspeak - I'd go with Bacardi and Bud Light, because Ricky Stratton doesn't go well with anything.

Aunt Carol said...

God, what an awful episode. 24, you're like a bad boyfriend. You're awful, and yet I keep coming back.

I used to think Milo's the mole, but now I think it's Morris.

Audrey's dead? Alive? Who cares. Am I the only one who doesn't care for the more personal storylines? I know that's why a lot of ppl like the show, but it always comes off as so contrived to me.

glockspeak said...

bud light! yes!

i'm not a huge fan of the personal stuff unless it is character building. they've introduced some sh*t between milo and the rickster which who cares about? and the crap with marilyn just needs to stop. awful. and get aaron back in the white house. now. audrey is alive, i guarantee it. it would be hella cool to have jack and aaron go to china on some covert op to save audrey. they could bring ricky and he could die!

Adam said...

Bacardi and Bud Light!!

Well, that right there is just awesome. Hard before beer, you're in the clear!

steveegg said...

I got taken seriously? How did that happen? :-)

The sooner Ricky Stratton ends up on the receiving end of an instrument of death, the better.

verydark said...

WHAT???

There was absolutely NO mention of the new and improved CTU Security Personnel uniforms.

Out with the burgundy, in with the crisp, clean WHITE.

NDwalters said...

Change whatever colors you may, CTU security, tactical, and plainclothes Field Ops are ALL REDSHIRTS! Most of em don't have names or are briefly mentioned, making them gun or bomb fodder.

Last year they gave one poor guard a moment and then he choked, vomited and died due to the Texmex Gas, along with Hobbitt Boy McGill.

OK, Where the F are Mary Todd, Red Foreman, and President Limpdick Logan at? Are they dead, are they another red herring? What?

The writers need to be fired, so they don't stink up next year!

V the K said...

There was absolutely NO mention of the new and improved CTU Security Personnel uniforms.

Give the people what they want, I say. The TVB has been updated.