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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

24 Point/Counterpoint

Counterpoint: Jack, you've gotta make up your mind. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.
by: Quint

Aye, the sea's a dangerous place to be for a pretty boy like Jack Bauer. Yea, the sharks are comin' but there's a pretty penny to be made for keeping him around a few more seasons. But the way it is been goin' this season, the shark, it looks like it'll swallow him whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go boy wonder. Jack, you've gotta make up your mind. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.

This shark is a sneaky bastard, yes he is. That fish will tear a man in two quicker than Edgar...well quicker than Tony on a week-long bender.

Take those damn skis off Jack! Don't talk back to me, I don't care if you just shot your best friend and witnessed a little nuclear blast. And I could care less if that damn helicopter went down on that there roof. No one came rushin' to our aid when a thousand of us went into the drink and the sharks come cruisin'. Now get off the damn roof you cock-eyed bastard! Put down that TV antenna and step away from the helicopter!

Quint: Bauer, what exactly can you do with these craptastic plot lines of yours?
Bauer: Well, I think I can track down Audrey's killer while I mentor Doyle, develop a relationship with Josh and Marilyn, and try to reunite with Kim. Oh next season, Kim will be played by Hillary Swank.
Quint: Can you get this plot line through his skin?
Bauer: Well next season Ted McGinley is supposed to play the part of my long lost half-brother who was being held by an Inuit tribe in Canada for treason and will be killed by a firing squad in 24 hours. I will attempt to bust him out.
Quint: Killer Eskimos? That shark will rip this plot to pieces!
Bauer: Dammit!

Yeah, that Doyle is real nice replacement you brought in from Denver, Mr. Bauer. 'Course I don't know what that bastard shark's gonna do with 'em, might eat 'em I suppose. Seen one eat an entire very special episode one time. Let me ask you one thing, was Scrappy Doo not available?

Take off that damn leather jacket and come up with some better ideas before the fish gets us both starring with a freakin' mountain lion.

Point: Go Ahead and Jump Me
by Mr. Jaws

1 comment:

Yeah Him said...

If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole summer and fall... I don't want no more failed 80's actors, I don't want no more relatives of Jack that will be forgotten about in 3 episodes, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.