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Monday, April 23, 2007

Live Blog 12:00-1:00AM

Hi, I'm Jack Bauer and I'll be your host tonight on the Jack Bauer Power Hour.

Here's a picture of my daughter, look at it and I'll cut your eyes out and take a wiz in your ocular cavity:

Before we get things started, here are some discussion topics:
-Should Audrey get a silent clock?
-What crappy news story is Fox5NY working on tonight? Also, is Toni the anti-christ?
-Chinese, Arabs, Russians. What is the next ethnic group to face Jack's wrath?

I bet you're asking how I plan on live blogging while transporting highly sensitive nuclear components to angry Chinese, while CTU tries to twart me. Well with Jack Sack Lite, I have been reunited with my Treo 650 which makes phone calls, blows up terrorists, and also allows me to liveblog from the road.

12:00am
-O'Doyle runs like a girl and commandeers cars like one too.
"Jack Bauer has gone rouge count": 1
-Morris climbs stairs like a girl.
-Milo cross references sattelite uplinks like a girl.
-President Palmer, always watched FoxNews. VP Daniels is a CNB type-of-guy. They should have thought that out before they made the ticket.
Question: How many times has Weasel "given his word" this season?

12:10 (Commercial Break)
Chew on this: Jack drives a Toyota, the Chinese drive an American car.

12:14
-President Daniels "is" looking to get some Oval Office action....
"Go grab a cigar, I'll put on my ball gag" Did they really just say that?
-Nadia bosses people around like a girl.
-Does Morris know that Chloe has shot 2 people over the past few seasons?
-Another black dude on 24? How will they kill him off?
zzzzzzzzzzz wake me when the filler is done.

12:23 (Commercial Break)
Random midget Claritan commercial. Does he have to break the pills in half?
Chew on this: The President's "chief of staff" was on a show called "Shark".
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

12:28
-The music tells me something is about to happen.
-JACK SACK!!!!
-Nadia almost cracked a smile while talking to Doyle. I guess thoughts of him riding his little electric train would make even the hardest bitch crack a smile.
-Boobie trap set. Boobie...heh.
-Jack gets an answering machine? What the hell?

12:34 (Commercial Break)
For those of you new to 24, it's now coming up to 45 minutes past the hour. That means the shooting is about to start. It's 24 Law.
-Window puppet shows are illegal in New York? I smell 24-Season 8.
-bRight & Early ate Taco Bell before the show, so he's not going to make it to the shooting scene. Thankfully for people like him can, you can recap the show tomorrow with VtheK's TiVO Recap.

12:38
-Is someone counting how many times the word "resignation" has been used tonight? My guess = 12 times.
-Karen just fired her husband? Bill took the news like a girl. Bill is going to go rouge.
-Did they just make the Muslim the acting director of CTU? She has only been there like 17 hours or something and has already been accused of being a mole. Come to think of it, she's perfect.
Chew on this: No CTU guards wearing white shirts have been killed this season.

12:47 (Commercial Break)
I get sick to the stomach anytime I see a preview for a Nicolas Cage movie.
Useless Fox5NY 24 Story: "A Big shocker to end the season, we check on the set for hints" - isn't this the same news team who decried spoilers a few weeks ago?

12:51
Cue Kill Counter
Audrey looks like hell. Which is saying a lot because she wasn't that hot to begin with.
(Jack is thinking): If he calls me Mr. Bower one more time....
-Jack is down!!! Again.
-Bang
-Bang

Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo) = 4 points
-Speaking of hummers, where is the president?

Jack has been in handcuffs more times that Tennessee Titans Cornerback PacMan Jones. Google him if that just went over your head.
-Not Audrey? Chopper down. Jack's plan is not looking so good.

12:59....1am

Next week:
Audrey bot....Russian spy...Jack yells.

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fist

Oops First~~

Jack Bauer said...

Random Thought:

If Drive is "24 on wheels". What does that make 24?

tuffbeingright said...

Is Audrey worth it? We have to see her naked to be sure...

Anonymous said...

Audrey Naked? Gross.

tuffbeingright said...

badges? i don't need no stinking badges!!!

bRight & Early said...

Jacks gone rogue. I've had dinner. Nothing new here.

bRight & Early said...

I don't speak Chinese, but I think he just ordered a chimichanga.

Anonymous said...

Nicolas Cage + Movie = sucks

cheeseandbacon said...

chi-a-neese rike kitty, i mean-a pork!

V the K said...

I won't be saying much. Jack Bauer challenged me to Tivoblog backwards.

tuffbeingright said...

What's her name? Monica?

bRight & Early said...

Hey, Lily Rowan, got a cigar?

bRight & Early said...

JB - bR&E = Great Minds, etc.

tuffbeingright said...

How much did Dell pay to make sure their name gets in the close-ups @ CTU?

tuffbeingright said...

That Chloe knows how to cut to the bone, doesn't she?

tuffbeingright said...

Hmmm. Dell laptop. How 'bout that?

cheeseandbacon said...

weeeeeesel

cheeseandbacon said...

The ol' bill clinton excuse eh?

Jack Bauer said...

We have a caged weasel sighting

cheeseandbacon said...

we let the terrorist slip away, oops, our bad, imean we had nothing to hold him on other than professing his hatred of america snd this whole spilling the blood of the non-beleivers garbage!

Jack Bauer said...

The music tells me something is about to happen

Jack Bauer said...

Jack Sack: Check

Anonymous said...

Did Nadia smile?

Anonymous said...

Inquires, Indictments, oh my!

bRight & Early said...

And to think I was starting to like Dr. Fleinhart

Anonymous said...

"You have reached Bill Bucanan, if the world is going to end, please press 1"

Jack Bauer said...

Window puppet shows are illegal in New York? I smell 24-Season 8.

Real Debate said...

Window puppets?????????

Do people actually get paid to create advertising?

cheeseandbacon said...

unfortunately people to get paid to create advertising...

Jack Bauer said...

Do people actually get paid to create advertising?

Hey people, I work in advertising...

Jack Bauer said...

Bye Bye Bye Bill

cheeseandbacon said...

doyle spotted some silver (spoons?)

tuffbeingright said...

"you are the right choice - plus you've got a smokin' tail..."

tuffbeingright said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jack Bauer said...

Is anyone watching Drive?

Yeah Him said...

What's with all of these sharks swimming tonight?
Can we get to the point where Jack ends all of the Chinese dudes in rapid succession?

Yeah Him said...

How are they going to make this show last 5 more hours

Jack Bauer said...

Kim Bauer (53%)
Mandy (47%)
873 total votes

Vote for the next Miss Blogs4Bauer

cheeseandbacon said...

doyle is gonna fuck it up

Jack Bauer said...

Audrey looks like hell.

bRight & Early said...

Yeah Him said...

How are they going to make this show last 5 more hours


By playing imitation Chinese music.

tuffbeingright said...

whoops

USpace said...

OH NO!!!

tuffbeingright said...

wait, you're not audrey!

Jack Bauer said...

That's not Audrey?

cheeseandbacon said...

IT'S THE BURGER "KING"!!!!

bRight & Early said...

My vote: Demote Doyle to Red Shirt.

Jack Bauer said...

So Audrey is ugly and crazy.

cheeseandbacon said...

MY vote: give doyle his own show and put it on MSNBC since no one watches it. It would be like he didn't exist and still feed his ego all at the same time!!

Umpa said...

Didn't jack get shot?

USpace said...

That's post raped, tortured and drugged Audrey...

absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
Chines torture is OK...
.

yankz said...

Well, Jack is a Retard Whisperer...

SVC Alumnus Blogger said...

Thanks for being nice to Chloe.

She is a guardian angel, unlike Nadia.

Besides I just like the thought of Chloe as CTU Director. She's the Stefani Schaeffer of CTU... :-). Hot, strong, stealthy and smart.

Disclaimer: I'm the Prime Minister of the Chloe O'Brien fan club. :-)!

I'm also waiting patiently for Jack, Morris and the rest of the gang here on the West Coast!!

nicky said...

Retardrey? Anyone? Anyone?

yankz said...

umpa- he got shot, then ripped the bullet out of himself. He instantly healed, like Claire Bennet except faster.

nicky said...

I didn't see him put on a vest, unless he was wearing the same one from before.

Yeah Him said...

I stand corrected - they only have to make it 4 more episodes - bring on the mole!

Nadia perhaps?
Ricky?
Chloe?
Chloe's nastyass manthang (very past, sort of past)?
The choices are endless...

But why, why, did Bill have to leave CTU? Is it just because nobody else was fired this time around? Say it isn't true....