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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Letters to Jack

Instead of a Point/Counterpoint this week, we have something a little different. It appears that our haranguing of Audrey Raines and her nose that's shaped like male genitalia has rankled has upset a Blogs4Bauer fan named Sally (if that is her real name).

Check out what she has to say and then post your reply in the comments.


In defense of Audrey Raines

I am a regular reader of Blogs4Bauer. I love it, I really do. But I must speak up in defense against this relentless trashing of the Audrey.

And here's why.

Granted, Audrey was rather spineless and annoying in Season 4, but she was a policy girl— pampered, protected, and helped along in life by a good dose of nepotism. Not a character building scenario by any stretch. She meets Jack, who she thinks is just like her. Then she finds out he isn't. And then some.

Cue: Paul, bullet, widowhood…when Audrey's world is turned upside down, she flips out like any self-respecting princess would. See, I am fully aware of her faults.

What redeems her is her emotional growth in Season 5. She gets a big dose of home truths from Diane Huxley about accepting Jack for who he is. Okay, I have to admit that Diane is probably the better pairing for Jack—she meets him at his level and they'd probably have a blast together, but I like Audrey for the fact that she brings out the softer side of Jack. Now before you grab your barf bag, hear me out—especially since it's very difficult typing to the sound of exaggerated retching.

Without a tender side, Jack would be just a killing machine. Who wants to cuddle with the Terminator, ya know? Female viewers want their heroes tough when it's necessary, but sweet and thoughtful, too. The writers of the show have done a good job showing both sides of Jack. By adding the rescue of a damsel in distress to the story arc, they keep the female side of the audience well and truly hooked.

The fact that Jack might go back to China to rescue Audrey already has me salivating for Season 7. Plus it proves she's grown to the point of not just acceptance, but of laying it all on the line to find him. So give the girl a break. She's good for Jack. Trust me.

And if this doesn't convince you below, I give up:

A penis nose:


Kim Raver:


I rest my case.
Thanks Sally. I would disagree that Jack has a tender side. The man has an iron taint for Pete's sake. Sure he lets himself get close to women, but that is only because they are either currently a mole or will probably become a mole later in the day. Jack is like a pissed off Rambo (Part 1), a pure psychopath with no people skills whatsoever.

Sure Kim got Jack to dress in a suit. Kim got him a nice desk job at the DoD. But just when Kim thought she had cleaned him up, well she let her ex-husband get in the way of Jack Bauer and saving the world so Jack added Paul to the Kill Counter faster than you can say "fish -n- chips".

She also has a very weak brachial artery. As for Jack going to China, well that would be cool only if it was to finish what Christopher Henderson started. Oh and her nose is shaped like a penis.

Previously on Blogs4Bauer
Point: My home is not a KinderCare - Audrey
Counterpoint: Keep Your Big Nose Out Of This! - Jack Bauer

Point: Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - Dr. Phil
Counterpoint: Audrey, stand by your man! - Mary Jo Buttafuoco

If you have an issue with Blogs4Bauer or 24 in general (I'm talking to you Steveggg). Please send Jack Bauer an email and we'll post it for others to make fun of or...whatever.

12 comments:

Sally said...

A sin of omission? My original post had a caption above the picture of Audrey. It said 'not a penis nose' as a way to contrast her nose with Judd's. That tricky Jack! LOL

steveegg said...

You rang, Jack? For the record, I agree with you on Audr..er, Kim...er, Penis Nose.

Real Debate said...

LOL, Stevegg is goig on vacation (Jamaica believe it or not). I'll be blog sitting his regular blog so if any of you would like to do any michief this is your big chance!

As to the feminine side of Jack....

I just can not comprehend.

Real Debate said...

Ugg too fast typie, my bad...

Hey Steve.

Johnny Park said...

I like Audrey. She's a nice kid, but she's a little too Teri and not enough Nina. She doesn't have the stomach to be a really exciting love interest, so instead her father and estranged husband must be involved to keep the energy level up.

Oh, and we don't care what's good for Jack. We only care about what will make Jack a more deadly, brutal killing machine. Women will cuddle with Jack because he lets them.

Yeah Him said...

just the term brachial artery lets me know that we're dealing with a well thought out argument.

Here's to the last 7 episodes and the hope that Jack doesn't even get bruised in his quest to bring Penis Nose back to safety.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Sally. Audrey is a good companion. Fug Teri separated from him because she couldn't handle the iron taint. And Nina, well, there was that whole "tried to kill him" thing.

glockspeak said...

I'm still waiting for the Shoot Audrey Win A Prize game. Softer side of Jack? She's a whiney over-bearing snob "I just can't reconcile what I say today". What did she think Jack did at CTU, polish his toe nails? He was a Field Agent and I am certain his reputation was well known at DOD. I can't wait for her to be gone. At least Teri was like an actual wife; a woman kept in the dark about her husbands job will eventually begin to resent him.

ALa said...

If he goes back to Audrey I may have to stop watching... I liked him with Kate Warner -a woman that wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty -and wouldn't mind him with Marilyn, but Audrey? It's Jack Bauer for Christ's sake, he could have anyone and we're supposed to believe he'd pick a skeletal "torture turns me off" prissy chick? Puh-lease.

yankz said...

Are you all forgetting that Audrey realized that there's nothing like a good iron taint, and went back to Jack at the end of Day 5? After seeing 48 hours of torture and sheer badassery?

Jack Bauer said...

Audrey slept with Walt Cummings while Jack was "dead".

Mr Bob said...

Guys, this is a great idea to post reader's funny letters.

And don't forget the closer Jack gets to Audrey, the more you know she's going to die...they have to twist Jacks guts up some more so he has more reason to suppress any remaining conscience....so he can torture and kill terrorists without hesitation.

So love her or hate her...she's toast and won't last past episode 2 of next season....that's my story and I'm sticking to it.