Point: Nuke the bastards, let Buddha sort them out
by Don Imus
Jack Bauer has it all wrong. He shouldn't get his man-boobs in a tizzy because of that dong-nosed broad Audrey. We have the Russian nukes, lets use em on those Asain bastards and let Buddha sort them out.
Sorry Jack, Audrey is a dog. I don't believe that she went to China looking for you. Hell, I don't think she could find China on a map if her huge honker nose was pointed at it, let alone plan a rescue operation. It appears she stuck her nose in someplace it didn't belong and now is your chance to kill two birds with one nuke.
Good work on those Islamic terrorists Jack, it's good know there was a run on virgins over the past few hours. I think Allah had to round up 432 virgins in the last couple of hours alone. I've been to LA and I know finding one is pretty hard to do.
Now that we have their nukes, lets use 'em before CTU loses 'em. With 7 hours left, you know CTU will just screw up a handover or a mole will just walk on out with them. Come on Jack put them to good use on those rotten Chinese. Give them a delivery they will not soon forget!
The beautiful part is they're Russian-made nukes, so the ching-chong Chinese will probably think the Russians were all goofed up on vodka and bear sex, let the briefcase nukes get stolen...well I just don't give a crap, let them think the snukes ended up in that nappy headed ho Sandra Palmer's snitch for all I care. Just blow those rice-eaters to the stone age with their Arab buddies.
Oh, could you call Al Sharpton and let him know there's a news conference at the site beforehand?