Good evening, everyone, my name is Wyatt Earp, and I will be your humble host for tonight's edition of Blogs4Bauer LiveBlogging. The festivities will begin in about thirty minutes, but I wanted to remind you to vote in this week's Miss Blogs4Bauer matchup: Chloe O'Brian versus the late Michelle Dessler. Guess who I'm voting for?
Tonight's episode should be Tyler-proof. That is, chock full o' action. It appears that Jack gets shot - at least he's in this episode - and Zombie President Palmer launches the nuke. It should be nuclear-iffic! Be back in a few . . .
Viewer discretion is advised. (Insert my uncontrollable giggling here.)
10:00pm - The bird is in the air! Where is Slim Pickens when we need him? He is certainly not with Karen "I Spill Every National Security Secret In America With My Husband" Hayes.
Oh, the Middle Eastern ambassador was lying. Go figure. I guess he's boning up on his Ahmadinejad impersonation. Abort, Abort, Abort!!! . . . Puss-aah. Strike that. He was bluffing, so he's not a puss-aah. He's just a liberal pinko.
10:08pm - Who's this blonde haired guy? Oh, that's Jack Bauer. I remember Jack. Is a kitchen really the best place for an interrogation? They used one in Prison Break a few weeks ago!
Oh, and I don't approve of Silver Spoons taking over Jack's interrogation. Ricky has got to go! And I have a crisp $1 bill that the transport is attacked. Place yer bets!
10:11pm - Commercial break! Spidey 3 trailer! This night keeps getting better and better. What's next? Rosie O'Donnell eats herself to death?
10:15pm - Couldn't they think of a better name for this general than "Habib?" That was Al Bundy's name when he was forced to work at the gas station! Oooh, a tender moment between Lennox and Zombie Palmer. Someone fetch me my cryin' blankie!
10:17pm - We've got a truckin' convoy! CONVOY!
CRASH! And the quarterback is toast! Firefight! Check your Kill Counters!!! Bauer is down! Bauer is down! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
Um, what the hell was that? We have more bluffs than the Grand Canyon!
10:22pm - Commercial Break! Is anyone still reading my nonsense? Just checking.
10:27pm - Fayed wants to speak to General Habib. And he won't do anything until he does. He's the radical Islamic Cindy Sheehan! Zombie President Down!!! Get some fresh brains in here, stat!!!
Karen Hayes is laying down the tough talk smack? The next thing you know, she'll tear up her ACLU card! And if Zombie Palmer keeps calling the ambassador a barbarian, MSNBC will suspend him for two weeks. Step lively, David! Reverend Al is watching you.
10:32pm - Ugh, another Milo/Nadia repartee. Someone torture me, please! Hey Milo, why the long face? HA! And, I'm sorry, but did Nadia just translate "General" into "General???"
10:36pm - Fayed bought it, and now we're back with Night of the Living Dead Presidents. He is ushering out the ambassador before he eats his brain!
10:38pm - Commercial break! Tinkle if you must! This just in: J-Lo(talent) will be appearing on American Idol. It's official: her career is in zombie status!
10:41pm - We're back! General Tso, er, Habib may have sent Fayed a signal. Someone murder his children, post haste! We lost the target vehicle = the CTU decoy team is worm food.
10:44pm - HE WENT IN THE SEWERS, JUST LIKE RICHARD KIMBLE!!!
Or not. Couldn't Jack get inside the rear of the trash truck? And isn't it convenient that Fayed can drive stick?
10:47pm - Commercial break! This diet iced tea is wreaking havoc with the old bladder. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that I typed that. Oh frak, did the comments go down? I can't get in. (Sounds of rejoicing fill the country.)
10:51pm - Doctor, you're wasting time! He needs more brains! (Have we run that reference into the ground enough yet?) Since comments may still be down, pass the snarky comments amongst yourselves.
10:53pm - Taking out downtown Los Angeles? Keen! Oh, and we better update that Kill Counter: Jack's out of the truck. And the Counter is rising! Maybe Jack should have taken out the AK-47 first? And what's with throwing the gun? Rookie mistake. Kick his ass, Jack!!!
Jack Bauer: Back on the Chain Gang.
10:58pm - Oh well, I guess the season is over. What? Audrey's back??? Damnit! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
10:59pm - Looks like everyone will be Kung Fu fighting! Solid episode, kids! Lotsa Jack, and next week he pulls a gun on Silver Spoons. Joygasm! Well, I'm out. Thanks for your patience (with my blogging and the damned comment fiasco). Enjoy They Might Be Giants!