Live Blog 12:00-1:00AM

Hi, I'm Jack Bauer and I'll be your host tonight on the Jack Bauer Power Hour.

Here's a picture of my daughter, look at it and I'll cut your eyes out and take a wiz in your ocular cavity:

Before we get things started, here are some discussion topics:
-Should Audrey get a silent clock?
-What crappy news story is Fox5NY working on tonight? Also, is Toni the anti-christ?
-Chinese, Arabs, Russians. What is the next ethnic group to face Jack's wrath?

I bet you're asking how I plan on live blogging while transporting highly sensitive nuclear components to angry Chinese, while CTU tries to twart me. Well with Jack Sack Lite, I have been reunited with my Treo 650 which makes phone calls, blows up terrorists, and also allows me to liveblog from the road.

12:00am
-O'Doyle runs like a girl and commandeers cars like one too.
"Jack Bauer has gone rouge count": 1
-Morris climbs stairs like a girl.
-Milo cross references sattelite uplinks like a girl.
-President Palmer, always watched FoxNews. VP Daniels is a CNB type-of-guy. They should have thought that out before they made the ticket.
Question: How many times has Weasel "given his word" this season?

12:10 (Commercial Break)
Chew on this: Jack drives a Toyota, the Chinese drive an American car.

12:14
-President Daniels "is" looking to get some Oval Office action....
"Go grab a cigar, I'll put on my ball gag" Did they really just say that?
-Nadia bosses people around like a girl.
-Does Morris know that Chloe has shot 2 people over the past few seasons?
-Another black dude on 24? How will they kill him off?
zzzzzzzzzzz wake me when the filler is done.

12:23 (Commercial Break)
Random midget Claritan commercial. Does he have to break the pills in half?
Chew on this: The President's "chief of staff" was on a show called "Shark".
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

12:28
-The music tells me something is about to happen.
-JACK SACK!!!!
-Nadia almost cracked a smile while talking to Doyle. I guess thoughts of him riding his little electric train would make even the hardest bitch crack a smile.
-Boobie trap set. Boobie...heh.
-Jack gets an answering machine? What the hell?

12:34 (Commercial Break)
For those of you new to 24, it's now coming up to 45 minutes past the hour. That means the shooting is about to start. It's 24 Law.
-Window puppet shows are illegal in New York? I smell 24-Season 8.
-bRight & Early ate Taco Bell before the show, so he's not going to make it to the shooting scene. Thankfully for people like him can, you can recap the show tomorrow with VtheK's TiVO Recap.

12:38
-Is someone counting how many times the word "resignation" has been used tonight? My guess = 12 times.
-Karen just fired her husband? Bill took the news like a girl. Bill is going to go rouge.
-Did they just make the Muslim the acting director of CTU? She has only been there like 17 hours or something and has already been accused of being a mole. Come to think of it, she's perfect.
Chew on this: No CTU guards wearing white shirts have been killed this season.

12:47 (Commercial Break)
I get sick to the stomach anytime I see a preview for a Nicolas Cage movie.
Useless Fox5NY 24 Story: "A Big shocker to end the season, we check on the set for hints" - isn't this the same news team who decried spoilers a few weeks ago?

12:51
Cue Kill Counter
Audrey looks like hell. Which is saying a lot because she wasn't that hot to begin with.
(Jack is thinking): If he calls me Mr. Bower one more time....
-Jack is down!!! Again.
-Bang
-Bang
Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo) = 4 points
-Speaking of hummers, where is the president?

Jack has been in handcuffs more times that Tennessee Titans Cornerback PacMan Jones. Google him if that just went over your head.
-Not Audrey? Chopper down. Jack's plan is not looking so good.

12:59....1am

Next week:
Audrey bot....Russian spy...Jack yells.