Fox 5 NY has Jumped the Shark

Fans of 24 who live in the New York area have to put up with a weekly scourge that robs us of sleep and forces us to sit through 4 weather reports and even the business news. It's Toni's weekly useless 24 story time!

Every week during 24, around 45 minutes past the hour a teaser for a 24-related story on the 10pm newscast is aired, typically they end up just being interviews with Jack or viewers moaning about spoilers. Every now-and-then their teasers get me to watch the news hoping to find out if Jack is going to die or if Kim Bauer will come back.

This week the useless 24 story segment really jumped the shark. Really.

"Being dead on 24 does not always mean your dead. What characters are next on the comeback list, find out next"

Is it Tony? Is it? Tell me now, I don't want to hear about the weather in New Jersey, dammit!

"With Audrey coming back, who else could be resurrected on 24? Find out Next"

Could Soul Patch be coming back? I mean he didn't get a silent clock.

No.

I waited until the end of the newscast and Toni listed three dead characters and questioned if they could make a comeback. Edgar, President Logan, and Curtis. I shit you not. I almost threw the remote control at my dog's head. To top it off, they come to the conclusion with their "24 expert" that none of those 3 have a chance at a comeback. So the whole story was not just a crock. No, it was a big crock of crap with a cherry on top. Screw you Toni.

Click Here to see the craptastic story. Check out the one called 4/16/07 Resurrection!

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 11:00 PM and 12:00 AM

11:00:00 to 11:11:14
The hour begins with a little tender male bonding between Jack and Ricky Stratton: "Jack, I know you've been through Hell, and I want you to know, I respect you, man, and everything you did. Hey, if you're not doing anything later, wanna come back to my place and watch figure-skating?"

But Jack has to take a call from the Heathen Chinee intelligence officer, Lick Poo. Lick Poo will swap Penis-Nose for the arming chips on the nuclear devices, which somehow contain the entire key to all of Russia's defense systems. If Jack refuses, the Heathen Chinee will whack off Penis Nose.

Back in DC, President Belushi isn't looking so good, but he can't step down, not with Jim Jones ready to burst through the wall with a hearty "Oh, Yeah!" So, Weasel Cage offers him a way out and tells him about the tape where Jim Jones refers to Cynthia McKinney Belushi as a "Nappy Headed Ho." But then, Frau Blucher bursts into the Batcave with good news: "The Heathen Chinee are gonna kill Penis Nose!"

While Chiggy Killer gives a hearty speech praising the surviving CTU staff for finding the nukes, for going 16 hours without a mole, and reminding them that "next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans."

RPF gets a call from Jack asking for the specs to the nucular bombs so he can swap them for Penis Nose. Chloe hesitates, "Jack, we both know that would result in an international incident... besides, shouldn't you be with the mother of your child? Patsy Ramsey?" Jack assures her that he'll never let those "yellow bastards" get their hands on the chip. RPF tries to get the specs off Al Bundy's workstation, but it takes a while as she sorts through his collection of foot fetish pr0n. Finally, she gets the specs to Jack just in the nick of time.

11:15:28 to 11:25:02
Jim Belushi calls Jim Jones in the Oval Office. "Look, JJ, I think you're great and everything... but I just think we should both see other Chief Executives for a while." JJ replies, more or less, "Bite my angry, Bob-Dole-like, ass." JB tries to be conciliatory: "Now, don't make this hard. We can still be friends." But ends up threatening to release the "nappy headed ho" tape to Al Sharpton. JJ concedes.

At CTU, Al Bundy spots the system hacking because he had installed a key-logger when no one was looking. RPF confesses. "All right, I did it to help Jack, but it's cool. Jack promised that he probably won't give the triggers to the Chinese." Al Bundy disagrees, "But I feel really bummed about helping the terrorists with those codes, I'm gonna narc you out." "Never mind, I'll narc myself out." RPF goes to Chiggy's office to confess in person.

Back where the bombs are, Jack tries to intimidates the Marines into letting him pass by making his fur stand on end and hissing at them. He succeeds, but then while he is removing the circuit board. Light Beer (Ricky Stratton) appears, and puts Jack (once again) in handcuffs. Jack has spent more time in handcuffs this season than Dick Morris at a bondage convention.

11:28:15 to 11:34:28
Jack talks to President Belushi to get permission to swap the nucular trigger for Penis Nose. "As Janet Reno once said, Mr President, you owe me, bitch." After Jack promises to load the chip with C-4 and go "Allah Akhbar" if Lick Poo tries to take it, the president reluctantly agrees.

11:38:42 to 11:47:52
Jack asks Ricky Stratton for help. "I need you to help me with Audrey's extraction. The Heathen Chinee are very crafty." Jack also has a score to settle with Lick Poo, who tortured him while he was in China. Jack promises, "When we're done, the chip will be destroyed, and Lick Poo will be dead."

Chloe and Al Bundy have a spat, but no one cares.

Ricky Stratton isn't thrilled to be along for the ride, and thinks Jack should kick Penis Nose to the curb. "I don't mix relationships with my job, Jack. Not since I lost my virginity to Erin Grey, anyway."

Back in DC, JJ tells Ann Coulter, "The President asked me to resign, and I'm going to." Ann Coulter doesn't like it, "That faggot? I'll scratch his eyes out and convert him to Christianity!" JJ takes her hand and tells her not to worry. "Hey, forget it, after I resign, I am gonna bone you like Snoop Dogg." They go to watch the president's midnight press conference. Zombie President Belushi yammers on about national healing and whatnot and at first no one notices he's babbling like Jessica Savitch. But then he suffers a seizure, and passes out. At first, the press applauds his Chevy Chase impression, but they realize something is wrong when JJ runs to the podium, spikes a football, and does a dance in the End Zone.

11:52:04 to 11:59:59
In the White House, the physician has, during the commercial break, diagnosed a stroke, sent the president to Bethesda Naval Hospital for an MRI, and cooked a Hot Pocket in his microwave. With JJ's in charge again, Ann Coulter checks the calendar and spots the presidential directive authorizing Jack's covert action. JJ thinks its a bad idea. "She bought her ticket. She knew the risks. I say, let her crash!"

Chiggy calls Doyle, and tells him to stand down the operation. "I need you to divert Jack from the freeway to a tactical team that will take him down" Doyle nods, "Roger that."

"Who was that?" Jack asks. "Oh, nobody. By the way, Jack, we can't take the 118. There's been an accident. A semi-truck full of eggs hit a truck full of cheese; there's quiche everywhere." Jack doesn't buy it, he pulls a gun. "I blew away Cola, I can sure as Hell blow away Light Beer." He tells Doyle, "Put out or Get Out."

Since he actually just meant, "get out," Jack leaves him by the side of the road.

Tick-Tock

The Carnival of Bauer!!!

The Carnival of Bauer!!! will be posted Thursday (4/19). If you would like to participate, please have your posts to us by midnight on Wednesday (4/18).

This week, the Carnival returns to Blogs4Bauer. If you want to host the carnival, send Jack Bauer an email.

The Return of THE JACK SACK!!!

After 17 hours of waiting, Jack Bauer has been reunited with his trusty manpurse- The Jack Sack. Below is 'ol Sacky in his own words, rejoicing in the moment:

YEAH BABY!!!!

Gen. Douglas A. MacArthur said "I shall return" and that is what I've done tonight! After 2 years of a Chinese prison, after 17 hours of tracking down Abu Fayed and his rag-tag bunch of bumbling nuke-carting jackbirds, Jack Bauer has been reunited with me, his loyal protector and all-purpose fashionable utility bag- The Jack Sack!

This has been a very difficult day for us all, myself included. I remember watching my friend, The Black Sack, die earlier this day. And I recall seeing Jack pop in and out of CTU, walking right past me, oblivious to my very existence. I have to say, I felt dejected. And then I saw Jack talking with that floozy, Marilyn. I was about to pack myself up and move to West Virginia, when I heard the news: Audrey is dead. That settled it, I wasn't going anywhere... I decided to stand with the best friend I've ever known.

As Jack made his final push to kill the terrorists, I organized a fresh supply of C4 and ammo clips. The other sacks were rolling their straps at me-- "Where do you think you're going, fella?" they asked me. They believed the crisis was over once the nukes were secured. But I knew better. And when the call came in-- that the Chinese were back in play and Audrey was alive-- that's when I took the first chopper over to Jack's position in the field. I introduced myself to that "sackless" punk Mike Doyle and he brought me to Jack. When my canvas strap was slung over Jack's shoulder, it was like all that unpleasantness of the past 17 hours just... dissolved in a murky memory of nothingness.

And now, Jack and I have gone rogue. That means that we will stop at nothing to finish the job. Due Process, habeas corpus, the Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights- these are of no concern to us. What we seek is sweet, bloody justice. And we shall have our revenge.

Don't even think of getting in our way. Copy that?

Shameless Self-Promotion

Liveblogging 11 PM - 12 AM

That's right, folks, RFTR is back in action.

And I promise this time I won't leave halfway through to be replaced by the person whose turn I stole. We'll get started in just about 20 minutes.

Until then, here's a little gift from me to you:

And here we go.

I didn't watch Drive yet tonight, so no one ruin anything in the comments. Let's just leave it at: last night's episodes rocked.

11:00 PM - He needs to get to a hospital? The only reason jack would go into a hospital is if there was a terrorist there he needed to torture.

11:02 - Now the Chinese want the nukes. Didn't they see The Departed? Jack's just going to give them fakes.

And they want access to all Russian defense technology? Isn't that just, like, an underpaid guy and some rusty hardware?

11:04 - No she's not alright, she's still got a penis nose!

11:06 - So the U.S. military objected this season to Jack's use of torture. Think they'll object to him killing a few U.S. soldiers?

11:08 - Oh no, Jack's talking to Chloe in secret. That's never good news.

11:09 - Chloe's worried about an international incident? Since when?

Ads - Snowboarders have AmEx cards now? What happened to exclusivity?

11:15 - I'm pretty sure that gash on the President's face would have been bandaged and oozing all kinds of nasty crap.

11:17 - "How dare you?"??? Is he really surprised that Palmer wants his resignation? "Sorry I tried to have you declared mentally incompetent. Still friends?"

11:19 - All Chloe has to do is tell him that she did it. Spouses can't testify against each other, right? Are they married, or am I misremembering that?

11:21 - Here we go, another CTU employee doubting Jack. That always works well, right? I know, let's contain Jack with a perimeter.

11:22 - She's totally not going to tell Chiggy.

11:23 - Only Jack Bauer could turn a heavily-guarded warehouse into his own personal jungle gym. And the helicopter's ETA is 15 minutes? If Jack needed it, it would have been there yesterday.

11:24 - Remind me the next time I need a tank to claim I'm a federal agent, never flash any credentials, and insist that it's under Presidential order.

11:25 - Ooh. That'll cause a headache. M-16s do not feel good against the side of the head.

Ads - Anyone out there? The comments seem rather quiet tonight. Am I that boring?

If I'm not entertaining you enough, then maybe you should read a more interesting blog instead.

11:29 - Jack's chained. Time for some vampire action. "I had to subdue him," um, no, you had a soldier do it. Pussy.

11:32 - If it's so easy for Jack to get to the President, why didn't he ask for his help before trying to go rogue? Also, I'll say it again, why do people doubt Jack so often?

11:33 - A C-4 Charge will take out anything within 30 feet? Um, doesn't that depend upon the amount of C-4?

Ads - Jack had better start shooting people soon. I'm falling asleep over here.

11:39 - Ooooooh. Doyle's giving Jack orders now. Maybe if he acted a bit less like a little bitch about the whole thing he'd seem a little more intimidating. That being said, Jack just asked him to partner up—which means he's going to be dead sometime in the next few hours.

11:42 - Of course she'll hold it over his head. She's a woman. She screws up, and it's his fault. This is network TV, people, men are evil. Don't forget it.

11:43 - He has half an hour? Jeez, he could be in Milwaukee in half an hour.

11:44 - Doyle doesn't mix relationships with his job, but I bet he'd boink Nadia if given the chance.

11:45 - This VP's chief of staff is way hotter than Scooter Libby. But also not any better of a liar.

The VP is no less attracted to her than Cheney is to Scooter, though.

11:46 - "Their dedication has helped bring this crisis to an end... and now I'm going to help in starting up another one right out of a Tom Clancy novel." Oh dear.

The worst has passed--until the Chinese get a hold of Russian technology.

11:47 - President is about to take a spill on live TV. Awesome. Totally stroking out.

Ads - By the way, in honor of Imus, I'm liveblogging in a cowboy hat.

11:52 - You mean they don't have an MRI in the White House?

"There's no denying that this is a great tragedy for the President—and f-ing sweet for me!"

11:53 - This president has got to trust Jack, right? No, of course not. No one does.

11:54 - "Even Jack Bauer can't guarantee that outcome"? Has Jack Bauer ever let anyone down? Well, okay, his wife—but Nina was hotter anyway!

11:58 - "I shot a friend of mine today because I had to. I would shoot you just for the fun of it. I haven't gotten ass in like 2 years, and if I set Audrey free, I'm sure to get laid. So get out of my way."

11:59 - Jack goes against the White House all the time. Don't tell him what he can't do.

Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge - Week 14

Welcome back to The Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge! Each week B4B will host a contest to see who can guess Jack Bauer's point total. The winner will be given much praise and be allowed to live another day.

Last week Jack decided to take things into his own hands. In a matter of seconds, Jack saved the world (again) by finding the nukes and killing off all the terrorists he could find.

There's one problem. Jack finished off this day with 7 hours left on the 24 hour timer. What will Jack do to fill the time?

Take a look at the Guidelines and Point System and post your point total in the comments section for Hour 11. The winner will be posted next Monday.

Week 1 (Hours 1-4): 4 Points
Winner: Rhymes With Right (4 points)
Week 2 (Hour 5): 0 Points
Winner: Justin (0 points)
Yeah, him. (0 points)
Week 3 (Hour 6): 0 Points
Winner: None
Week 4 (Hour 7): 2 Points
Winner: None
Week 5 (Hours 8-9): 4 Points
Winner: None
Week 6 (Hour 10): 4 Points

Winner: Yeah, him. (4 points)

glockspeak (4 points)

nicky (4 points)

Week 7 (Hour 11): 0 Points

Winner: The Man (0 Points)

Justin (0 Points)
Week 8 (Hour 12): 0 Points
Winner: Dan (0 Points)
pickett (0 Points)
Yeah Him (0 Points)
Week 9 (Hour 13): 5 Points
Winner: glockspeak (5 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 4 Points*
Winner: Al (4 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 9 Points
Winner: None - Sorry Al
Week 11 (Hour 15): 1 Point
Winner: glockspeak (1 Point)
Week 12 (Hour 16): 5 Points
Winner: steveggg (5 Point)
Week 13 (Hour 17): 21 Points
Winner: None

Season 6 Kills so far:
1. Bite to the neck (4 points)
2. Explosive kick (1 point)
3. Killing Curtis (-1 point)
4. Shooting while handcuffed (1 point, +1 Dammit bonus)
5. Shooting 2 dudes with a shotgun (2 points, +2 combo)

6. Saved Milo's ass by capping 2 dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
7. Shot Russian dude after beating him with a belt (1 Point)
8. Shot 2 Russian dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
9. Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
10. Shot one more dude that died in the next hour (1 point, +4 combo)
11. Shot a henchman (1 point)
12. Shot 2 dudes and said something cool (2 Points, +2 combo, +1 Cool bonus)
13. Snapped a neck (2 Points)
14. Shot 4 dudes in quick succession (4 Points, +12 combo)
15. Got Fayed to hang out (2 Points, +1 Cool bonus)

Miss Blogs4Bauer Runoff

The votes have been counted and after 1,050 votes, the Chloe-Michelle winner is. No one. A Sanjaya-esq campaign of Chloe fans propelled RPF into a stalemate with Michelle Dessler. The vote goes on!

The final tally will be announced sometime during our live-blog tonight. Tune in around 9pm for liveblogging and our new B4B Drinking game, drink every time someone mentions a shark and/or Kim Bauer.

So get your vote on (again). The Round 2 match up of Kim Bauer and Mandy will be posted Tuesday.

Who should move on? Michelle Dessler Chloe O'Brian

24 Caption Contest

Caption this scene from 24.

Make sure that you go and vote in the final Round 1 match-up in the Miss Blogs4Bauer contest. After 700 votes, Chloe has edged ahead of Michelle Dessler (54-46%).

Check back on Monday to see who moves on to Round 2, also on Monday Kim Bauer takes on Mandy in our first quarterfinal match.

Letters to Jack

Instead of a Point/Counterpoint this week, we have something a little different. It appears that our haranguing of Audrey Raines and her nose that's shaped like male genitalia has rankled has upset a Blogs4Bauer fan named Sally (if that is her real name).

Check out what she has to say and then post your reply in the comments.

In defense of Audrey Raines

I am a regular reader of Blogs4Bauer. I love it, I really do. But I must speak up in defense against this relentless trashing of the Audrey.

And here's why.

Granted, Audrey was rather spineless and annoying in Season 4, but she was a policy girl— pampered, protected, and helped along in life by a good dose of nepotism. Not a character building scenario by any stretch. She meets Jack, who she thinks is just like her. Then she finds out he isn't. And then some.

Cue: Paul, bullet, widowhood…when Audrey's world is turned upside down, she flips out like any self-respecting princess would. See, I am fully aware of her faults.

What redeems her is her emotional growth in Season 5. She gets a big dose of home truths from Diane Huxley about accepting Jack for who he is. Okay, I have to admit that Diane is probably the better pairing for Jack—she meets him at his level and they'd probably have a blast together, but I like Audrey for the fact that she brings out the softer side of Jack. Now before you grab your barf bag, hear me out—especially since it's very difficult typing to the sound of exaggerated retching.

Without a tender side, Jack would be just a killing machine. Who wants to cuddle with the Terminator, ya know? Female viewers want their heroes tough when it's necessary, but sweet and thoughtful, too. The writers of the show have done a good job showing both sides of Jack. By adding the rescue of a damsel in distress to the story arc, they keep the female side of the audience well and truly hooked.

The fact that Jack might go back to China to rescue Audrey already has me salivating for Season 7. Plus it proves she's grown to the point of not just acceptance, but of laying it all on the line to find him. So give the girl a break. She's good for Jack. Trust me.

And if this doesn't convince you below, I give up:

A penis nose:


Kim Raver:


I rest my case.

Thanks Sally. I would disagree that Jack has a tender side. The man has an iron taint for Pete's sake. Sure he lets himself get close to women, but that is only because they are either currently a mole or will probably become a mole later in the day. Jack is like a pissed off Rambo (Part 1), a pure psychopath with no people skills whatsoever.

Sure Kim got Jack to dress in a suit. Kim got him a nice desk job at the DoD. But just when Kim thought she had cleaned him up, well she let her ex-husband get in the way of Jack Bauer and saving the world so Jack added Paul to the Kill Counter faster than you can say "fish -n- chips".

She also has a very weak brachial artery. As for Jack going to China, well that would be cool only if it was to finish what Christopher Henderson started. Oh and her nose is shaped like a penis.

Previously on Blogs4Bauer
Point: My home is not a KinderCare - Audrey
Counterpoint: Keep Your Big Nose Out Of This! - Jack Bauer

Point: Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - Dr. Phil
Counterpoint: Audrey, stand by your man! - Mary Jo Buttafuoco

If you have an issue with Blogs4Bauer or 24 in general (I'm talking to you Steveggg). Please send Jack Bauer an email and we'll post it for others to make fun of or...whatever.

The Carnival has posted!

The Carnival of Bauer!!! has been posted over at Remote Access. Go check it out!

Next week the carnival moves over to TruthvsMachine. If you want to host an upcoming edition of the carnival, send Jack Bauer an email.

A Message From Debbie Pendleton

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 10:00 PM and 11:00 PM

10:00:00 to 10:11:04
Yee-hah! Slim Pickens is riding the missile straight into Durkadurkastan! Fixin' to unleash some bottled sunshine. Frau Blucher and Weasel Cage are desperate to stop the missiles. Frau Blucher begs Chiggy to lie and say Jack is getting dirt from Nagonaworkhere, but Chiggy won't lie.

In full-blown panic, the ambassador from Durkadurkastan reports that his government has taken General Heebiejeebi into custody for working with Sameer Nagonaworkhere's terrorist cell. Zombie President Belushi aborts the missile. Now knowing the Durkadurkastanis have been lying the whole time, and the whole thing was a bluff it wasn't a real missile it was a dummy warhead (Demond Wilson was strapped to the nosecone.)

Back in El Lay, Jack pounds Nagonaworkhere like cheap veal, but Nagonaworkhere won't talk. Ricky Stratton wants to take a turn with him.


Ricky Stratton: "You think you're gonna be some knd of martyr. I don't think so, punk."
Nagonaworkhere: "I serve the will of God."
Ricky Stratton (putting a gun to Nagonaworkhere's head): "Let's try out that theory."

Jack stops Ricky Stratton and books the David Crosby suite at Betty Ford to hook up Nagonaworkhere to some chemical persuasion.

10:15:32 to 10:22:54
Weasel Cage brings Heebiejeebi's permanent record from elementary school. Zombie President Belushi is pleased. "Ha! Ran with scissors! I knew it!" Weasel apologizes for not trusting ZPB's judgment, and Belushi apologizes for not being more sensitive to Weasel Cage's feelings. ZPB says, "We all learned something here today." You know how I can tell ZPB and WC are gay? Because they hold each other oh so tenderly.

Naturally, the armored van is rammed by an armored truck on the way back to CTU. A bunch of thugs bust out of the armored truck and come at Jack and Ricky Stratton with machine guns. Jack uses his sidearm and manages to take out a couple before the bullet with his name on it finds him and leaves him sprawled on the pavement. As soon as Jack and Ricky are down, the thugs hustle off with Nagonaworkhere.

Jacks lies dead on the pavement. Then he rises as Zombie Jack Bauer. He informs CTU that the "rescue" of Nagonaworkhere went off as planned. Then, Zombie Bacardi turns to Zombie Light Beer and says, "Ricky you're bleeding... and your brains smell delicious." Ricky insists that it's minor.

As the armored van speeds away, a middle eastern man informs Nagonworkhere, "General Heebijeebi sent us. He wants us to help you rendezvous with your men." "Give me your gun," Nagonaworkhere demands, and then demands to talk to Heebijeebi directly.

10:27:23 to 10:37:32 Chiggy recaps the previous segment for the benefit of Zombie President Belushi and anyone else who was tuning in late or was too stupid to figure it out. (You know, like people who watch 'The View.') Chiggy and Zombie President Belushi to arrange for Heebijeebi to call in. The Durkadurkastani ambassador grovels in gratitude for the president not making baked glass out of the desert. Now, Frau Blucher starts talking tough, "That's not good enough, you lying sack of crap." "It's not lying, it's taqiyya, and besides, we even arrested his family. What else do you want from us?" ZPB suggests: "Well, could you shoot them... or at least fake it like Jack did in Season 2."

Back at CTU, Kemper is all pissy because he thinks Awana Fuqya likes Ricky Stratton better than him. Fuqya insists that she's only being nice because she likes hanging around Ricky's dad's mansion, which is stocked with arcade video games and has a scale model train. Al Bundy here's them arguing, and offers Kemper some words of wisdom. "Women, can't live with them... the end."

As the Durkadurkastani's hold a gun to his son's head for inspiration, Heebijeebi talks to Nagonworkhere. "You suck Nagonaworkhere. I should have sent Bahir to run this martyrdom operation. Make with the bombs already." Nagonaworkhere gives the team directions to the safe house.

Back at the Batcave, the president collapses.There hasn't been a president who fell down this much since Ulysses S Grant.

10:41:53 to 10:47:24
Awana Fuqya finds an inconsistency in the general's transcript. "He talks about someone named Bahir. That's not even a real middle Eastern name. it's that kid from 'South Park.''' She thinks it may have been a duress code. Jack tries to warn the CTU guys in the armored car, but just then, their truck enters a tunnel, cutting them off. The next time Jack sees the armored truck, it's stopped into the tunnel and most of the CTU tactical team is dead.

Seeing bullet holes in the service door of the tunnel (they always seem to have those, don't they?) Jack follows it and sees Nagonaworkhere pummeling some undocumented worker who was just doing a job American's won't do. Then, Nagonaworkhere steals his truck. Apparently, the FBI was asleep at the switch when Nagonaworkhere took a CDL course and got a Class F Heavy Equipment License.

Jack clings to the bottom of the garbage truck, and still manages to call CTU. "Hey, Look at me, I'm T.J. Hooker!"

10:51:42 to 10:59:59
Zombie President Belushi is strapped back into his chair. "Must. Eat. More. Brains." His doctor will have none of it. "Either you stop eating brains or I quit." "What if I just ate one really big brain?" Frau Blucher agrees to send for George F. Will.

Nagonaworkhere speeds back towards Initech. Upon arrival, he orders his men to load the nukes onto the truck and make ready to drive to the middle of downtown Los Angeles, where they will detonate them at midnight, resulting in as many as five casualties.

Then, Jack starts shooting up the place. There are like twenty terrorists firing at him with AK's, and Jack's got like one hand gun and a can of Dole pineapple, but he fights like Chuck Norris and kills them all and then beats the crap outta Sameer Nagonaworkhere. Jack hooks him up to a chain and whispers, "Say hello to your little brother... and my wife ... and Tony Almeda, and Michelle Dressler, and Edgar Stiles, and Edgar Stiles's Mom, and Lynn McGill, and Curtis Manning and David Palmer and Ryan Chappelle and ... Elvis and Don Knotts." Then Jack hangs him.

Doyle is the first to catch up with him. "Bombs are on the table." Jack tells him. "It's Miller Time." Jack checks his watch. "And in less time than it usually takes."

Then, Jack gets a mysterious phone call from his "dead" Season 4 girlfriend, Zombie Penis Nose. The heathen Chinee are holding her prisoner and torturing, but unlike with Muslims, you won't hear any professional grievance groups whining about it. Just ask Sarah Silverman. Anyway, the heathen Chinee demand that Jack call them back, presumably, so they can continue to do horrible things to him.

Or for them?

Tick Tock

The Carnival of Bauer!!!

The Carnival of Bauer!!! will be posted Thursday (4/12). If you would like to participate, please have your posts to us by midnight on Wednesday (4/11).

This week, the Carnival heads over to Remote Access. If you want to host the carnival, send Jack Bauer an email.

LiveBlogging 10:00pm - 11:00pm

Good evening, everyone, my name is Wyatt Earp, and I will be your humble host for tonight's edition of Blogs4Bauer LiveBlogging. The festivities will begin in about thirty minutes, but I wanted to remind you to vote in this week's Miss Blogs4Bauer matchup: Chloe O'Brian versus the late Michelle Dessler. Guess who I'm voting for?

Tonight's episode should be Tyler-proof. That is, chock full o' action. It appears that Jack gets shot - at least he's in this episode - and Zombie President Palmer launches the nuke. It should be nuclear-iffic! Be back in a few . . .

Viewer discretion is advised. (Insert my uncontrollable giggling here.)

10:00pm - The bird is in the air! Where is Slim Pickens when we need him? He is certainly not with Karen "I Spill Every National Security Secret In America With My Husband" Hayes.

Oh, the Middle Eastern ambassador was lying. Go figure. I guess he's boning up on his Ahmadinejad impersonation. Abort, Abort, Abort!!! . . . Puss-aah. Strike that. He was bluffing, so he's not a puss-aah. He's just a liberal pinko.

10:08pm - Who's this blonde haired guy? Oh, that's Jack Bauer. I remember Jack. Is a kitchen really the best place for an interrogation? They used one in Prison Break a few weeks ago!

Oh, and I don't approve of Silver Spoons taking over Jack's interrogation. Ricky has got to go! And I have a crisp $1 bill that the transport is attacked. Place yer bets!

10:11pm - Commercial break! Spidey 3 trailer! This night keeps getting better and better. What's next? Rosie O'Donnell eats herself to death?

10:15pm - Couldn't they think of a better name for this general than "Habib?" That was Al Bundy's name when he was forced to work at the gas station! Oooh, a tender moment between Lennox and Zombie Palmer. Someone fetch me my cryin' blankie!

10:17pm - We've got a truckin' convoy! CONVOY!

CRASH! And the quarterback is toast! Firefight! Check your Kill Counters!!! Bauer is down! Bauer is down! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

Um, what the hell was that? We have more bluffs than the Grand Canyon!

10:22pm - Commercial Break! Is anyone still reading my nonsense? Just checking.

10:27pm - Fayed wants to speak to General Habib. And he won't do anything until he does. He's the radical Islamic Cindy Sheehan! Zombie President Down!!! Get some fresh brains in here, stat!!!

Karen Hayes is laying down the tough talk smack? The next thing you know, she'll tear up her ACLU card! And if Zombie Palmer keeps calling the ambassador a barbarian, MSNBC will suspend him for two weeks. Step lively, David! Reverend Al is watching you.

10:32pm - Ugh, another Milo/Nadia repartee. Someone torture me, please! Hey Milo, why the long face? HA! And, I'm sorry, but did Nadia just translate "General" into "General???"

10:36pm - Fayed bought it, and now we're back with Night of the Living Dead Presidents. He is ushering out the ambassador before he eats his brain!

10:38pm - Commercial break! Tinkle if you must! This just in: J-Lo(talent) will be appearing on American Idol. It's official: her career is in zombie status!

10:41pm - We're back! General Tso, er, Habib may have sent Fayed a signal. Someone murder his children, post haste! We lost the target vehicle = the CTU decoy team is worm food.

10:44pm - HE WENT IN THE SEWERS, JUST LIKE RICHARD KIMBLE!!!

Or not. Couldn't Jack get inside the rear of the trash truck? And isn't it convenient that Fayed can drive stick?

10:47pm - Commercial break! This diet iced tea is wreaking havoc with the old bladder. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that I typed that. Oh frak, did the comments go down? I can't get in. (Sounds of rejoicing fill the country.)

10:51pm - Doctor, you're wasting time! He needs more brains! (Have we run that reference into the ground enough yet?) Since comments may still be down, pass the snarky comments amongst yourselves.

10:53pm - Taking out downtown Los Angeles? Keen! Oh, and we better update that Kill Counter: Jack's out of the truck. And the Counter is rising! Maybe Jack should have taken out the AK-47 first? And what's with throwing the gun? Rookie mistake. Kick his ass, Jack!!!

Jack Bauer: Back on the Chain Gang.

10:58pm - Oh well, I guess the season is over. What? Audrey's back??? Damnit! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

10:59pm - Looks like everyone will be Kung Fu fighting! Solid episode, kids! Lotsa Jack, and next week he pulls a gun on Silver Spoons. Joygasm! Well, I'm out. Thanks for your patience (with my blogging and the damned comment fiasco). Enjoy They Might Be Giants!

"Gosh, Blogs4Bauer, I'm pissed!" Chloe wants in on the Miss Blogs4Bauer contest Round 1!

We at Blogs4Bauer had a close call this week. Chloe O'Brian was busy datamining the NSA servers when she came across some backroom chatter about our highly hormone-driven "Miss Blogs4Bauer" beauty pageant. Chloe, curious as to her performance in the contest thus far, was shocked and appalled to see that she was NOT IN THE PAGEANT! We tried to apologize to Chloe for our oversight, and she responded by plaguing our computers with robust computer viruses. When we insisted that we couldn't change the bracket (it's been in place for weeks now) Chloe decided to "hack" into our system and put herself in the running. So, goodbye little Debbie Pendelton (Behrooz!) and hello Foxy Chloe. From this time forward, it is difficult for us at B4B to guarantee a "fair" contest. Chloe seems determined to win this one.

So, are you going to let Chloe hijack this pageant or will you choose her "crispy" competitor Michelle Dessler (pictured on the right) and side with democracy? VOTE NOW!

Who should move on? Michelle Dessler Chloe O'Brian

Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge - Week 13

Welcome back to The Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge! Each week B4B will host a contest to see who can guess Jack Bauer's point total. The winner will be given much praise and be allowed to live another day.

Last week, Jack kept up with his weekly quota.

However, this week Jack Bauer dies. The clues are there, you just gotta look for them
-Well if you call the 24 Fan Line and play the spanish lady's comments back in reverse it says "he is dead...he is dead"
- Milo's terminal flashed "4 Nine VII HE ^ DIES" while tracking Gradenko.
-Last season Chloe has a piece of paper that said "Jack is dead".

Take a look at the Guidelines and Point System and post your point total in the comments section for Hour 11. The winner will be posted next Monday.

Week 1 (Hours 1-4): 4 Points
Winner: Rhymes With Right (4 points)
Week 2 (Hour 5): 0 Points
Winner: Justin (0 points)
Yeah, him. (0 points)
Week 3 (Hour 6): 0 Points
Winner: None
Week 4 (Hour 7): 2 Points
Winner: None
Week 5 (Hours 8-9): 4 Points
Winner: None
Week 6 (Hour 10): 4 Points

Winner: Yeah, him. (4 points)

glockspeak (4 points)

nicky (4 points)

Week 7 (Hour 11): 0 Points

Winner: The Man (0 Points)

Justin (0 Points)
Week 8 (Hour 12): 0 Points
Winner: Dan (0 Points)
pickett (0 Points)
Yeah Him (0 Points)
Week 9 (Hour 13): 5 Points
Winner: glockspeak (5 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 4 Points*
Winner: Al (4 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 9 Points
Winner: None - Sorry Al
Week 11 (Hour 15): 1 Point
Winner: glockspeak (1 Point)
Week 12 (Hour 16): 5 Points
Winner: steveggg (5 Point)

Season 6 Kills so far:
1. Bite to the neck (4 points)
2. Explosive kick (1 point)
3. Killing Curtis (-1 point)
4. Shooting while handcuffed (1 point, +1 Dammit bonus)
5. Shooting 2 dudes with a shotgun (2 points, +2 combo)

6. Saved Milo's ass by capping 2 dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
7. Shot Russian dude after beating him with a belt (1 Point)
8. Shot 2 Russian dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
9. Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
10. Shot one more dude that died in the next hour (1 point, +4 combo)
11. Shot a henchman (1 point)
12. Shot 2 dudes and said something cool (2 Points, +2 combo, +1 Cool bonus)

24 Caption Contest

Caption Chloe, or else.

(Source - Playgeek Magazine)

Make sure you vote in the latest Miss Blogs4Bauer contest. Currently Martha "I h8 kiwis" Logan is tied with Evelyn Martin.

Bacardi & Cola: a Secret Affair

I always knew there was a little love behind Jack putting Curtis in the sleeper hold last season.

The Carnival has Posted

The Carnival of Bauer!!! has been posted over at Morning Maniac Music. Go check it out!

Next week the carnival moves over to Remote Access. If you want to host an upcoming edition of the carnival, send Jack Bauer an email.

The Carnival of Bauer!!!

The Carnival of Bauer!!! will be posted Thursday (4/5). If you would like to participate, please have your posts to us by midnight on Wednesday (4/4).

This week, the Carnival heads over to Morning Maniac Music. If you want to host the carnival, send Jack Bauer an email.

24 Point/Counterpoint

Counterpoint: Jack, you've gotta make up your mind. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.
by: Quint

Aye, the sea's a dangerous place to be for a pretty boy like Jack Bauer. Yea, the sharks are comin' but there's a pretty penny to be made for keeping him around a few more seasons. But the way it is been goin' this season, the shark, it looks like it'll swallow him whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go boy wonder. Jack, you've gotta make up your mind. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.

This shark is a sneaky bastard, yes he is. That fish will tear a man in two quicker than Edgar...well quicker than Tony on a week-long bender.

Take those damn skis off Jack! Don't talk back to me, I don't care if you just shot your best friend and witnessed a little nuclear blast. And I could care less if that damn helicopter went down on that there roof. No one came rushin' to our aid when a thousand of us went into the drink and the sharks come cruisin'. Now get off the damn roof you cock-eyed bastard! Put down that TV antenna and step away from the helicopter!

Quint: Bauer, what exactly can you do with these craptastic plot lines of yours?
Bauer: Well, I think I can track down Audrey's killer while I mentor Doyle, develop a relationship with Josh and Marilyn, and try to reunite with Kim. Oh next season, Kim will be played by Hillary Swank.
Quint: Can you get this plot line through his skin?
Bauer: Well next season Ted McGinley is supposed to play the part of my long lost half-brother who was being held by an Inuit tribe in Canada for treason and will be killed by a firing squad in 24 hours. I will attempt to bust him out.
Quint: Killer Eskimos? That shark will rip this plot to pieces!
Bauer: Dammit!

Yeah, that Doyle is real nice replacement you brought in from Denver, Mr. Bauer. 'Course I don't know what that bastard shark's gonna do with 'em, might eat 'em I suppose. Seen one eat an entire very special episode one time. Let me ask you one thing, was Scrappy Doo not available?

Take off that damn leather jacket and come up with some better ideas before the fish gets us both starring with a freakin' mountain lion.

Point: Go Ahead and Jump Me
by Mr. Jaws

'24' Point/Counterpoint

Point: Go Ahead and Jump Me
by Mr. Jaws

I smell blood in the water... or perhaps, creative desperation. Got your skis, Jack? Let's rock!

I began swimming around these waters about the time that little bastard kid of yours showed up. A new kid showin' up is almost a sure sign someone's getting ready to jump me. I still got little chunks of Cousin Oliver lodged in my teeth.

That's another thing folks do before they jump me. Any truth to the rumor that Mary Lynn Rajskub is about to be replaced by Linda Rodriguez in the role of Chloe? Buddy, you might as well pull up the ramps to the shark traps.

Oh, I remember looking right into Dick Sargent. Right into his eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... I've got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When I came at Dick Sargent, I didn't seem to be living... until I bit him, and my black eyes rolled over white and then... the ratings turn red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', ... I ripped them to pieces. Both of them. Dick Sargent and Dick York.

You might say TV's first Dick replacement was also the first time anyone tried to jump me.

Is that a powerboat motor I hear? Is Jack fixin' to marry Sheena Easton in a very special episode? Yeah, I'll bite that one in half below the waist. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

Or, Day 6, 2:00 AM to 3:00 AM, with special guest stars, The Harlem Globetrotters! Mmm, delicious!

What's this? Jack gets shot next week? Excellent! Replacement of the lead actor is the ultimate Me-Jump.

I wonder if Ricky Schroder will taste anything like Ted McGinley.

Counterpoint: Jack, you've gotta make up your mind. If you want to stay alive, then ante up.
by: Quint

Jack VS. Riker

http://bauervsriker.ytmnd.com/

I find stuff like this funny.

If 24 was filmed in Minnesota

Scene: Small bar in Green Bay St. Paul. Locals watching Fox News.


Muslim terrorist and unarmed Russian walk into the bar.


Russian man points to Muslim terrorist
Russian man: "Look, it's a terrorist. I have seen him on TV"


Muslim terrorist pulls out gun and shoots two bar patrons.
Bang....Bang

Bar patrons, wanting to avoid possible lawsuits from CAIR for confronting terrorist activity, go back to drinking and watching Fox News.
Bar Patron 1: How about those Vikings?

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 9:00 pm and 10:00 pm

09:00:00 to 09:09:07
In the Batcave, Zombie President Belushi munches on some fresh brains and declines the use of a wheelchair. Frau Blucher compares Zombie President Belushi to FDR. "FDR could do lots of things in a wheelchair... which is how he knocked up my mom."

Meanwhile, Jim Jones has snapped and now thinks he's Bob Dole.When Zombie President Belushi enters the conference room, he says, ""Jim Jones is glad to see you back. Jim Jones thinks you should step down. Jim Jones is tired of the president doing nothing in response to terrorism. Jim Jones wants to talk to the attorney general."

At CTU, Jack lets Chiggy has no intention of following through on any immunity agreement with Whistler.

09:13:32 to 09:20:07
At CTU: Kemper and Awana Fuqya needlessly remind the audience that their tense working relationship is now counterpointed by a hot personal relationship.
Kemper: "Any word on the cabinet vote?"
Awana: "Nope."
Kemper: "Wanna make out in the server room?"
Awana: "Maybe. You realize I am a devout Muslim, so, I am going to be honor-killed for what we did, you infidel bastard."
Kemper: "Sucks to be you."

Ricky Stratton apologizes to Awana Fuqya. Then, he tells her he thinks Kemper screwed up, and he wants her to nail him by snooping into his computer. Either that, or he'll call the Geek Squad from Best Buy haul him away kicking and screaming, and that will be embarrassing for everybody.

Back at the batcave, the cabinet votes on whether to drink Kool Aid with Jim Jones or eat brains with Jim Belushi. Of course, it comes out a 7-7 tie. According to the Attorney General, there's no majority, Zombie President Belushi stays in power. Belushi does a victory dance then eats the brains of the Secretary for Housing and Urban Development.

Jim Jones disagrees. "Jim Jones disagrees," he says. "Frau Blucher doesn't count, she resigned and Jim Jones accepted her resignation. Jim Jones is the president. Where's the outrage?" "I'll sue your cracker ass," declares President Belushi. "It's up to the Supreme Court," the Attorney General decides. Weasel Cage suggests they wake up the supreme court and present them with briefs, except Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who'll just sleep through it anyway, and John Paul Stevens, whose briefs are stained with his senile incontinence.

09:24:34 to 09:37:02
Awana Fuqya distracts Kemper by complaining of a hardware problem.
Awana:"My cupholder is broken."
Kemper: "You mean the CD-ROM drive."
Awana: "Is that what that thing is?"

Kemper goes to check it out. She checks out his computer and finds out he forget to refresh his password and also clicked on some damn 'punch the monkey' thing, in violation of CTU rules. Stratton covers up for him, "You see, that's what I do. I act like a total dick, then I turn around and do something decent. Crazy, isn't it?" Awana Fuqya is surprised when he quotes the Koran at her. "Yes I've read the Koran. And the Bible... but I'm all really about Dianetics. You know, if we could just get those terrorists into auditing, get them into clear Thetas..."

Immunity deal in hand, Whistler calls Nagonaworkere. They agree to meet at the Santa Monica pier in ten minutes. "It'll be romantic. I can see it now: just you, me, and the moon. Wear a necktie so I'll know you."

Nagonaworkhere and his henchmen are loading beer kegs into the back of a truck, apparently they support their terrorism by working as Coors distributors. "Let's just nuke 'em now, and declare 'Miller Time.'" one of the henchmen says. But Nagonaworkhere is gonna stick with the man. "No, with Whistler's data, we can irradiate half of California."

Cynthia McKinney Belushi is putting together the brief. "Ladies and crackers of the court, If you don't leave my brother in power, I'll beat you to death with my cell phone." They agree they've got a strong case. Ann Coulter and Jim Jones are performing their own evaluation and decide their best shot is for Ann Coulter to perjure himself. "Jim Jones wants you to commit perjury," says Jim Jones, then sends her out to get some Viagra. Weasel Cage walks in. He shows Jim Jones the transmitter that picked up his conversation with Ann Coulter. "Jim Jones says turn that off before I shove this pen through your neck."

09:41:25 to 9:48:13
Cynthia McKinney informs Zombie President Belushi that Vice President Jim Jones has withdrawn his suit. "Hot damn!' Zombie President Belushi exclaims. "Now, back to appeasement." He asks her to tell those cabinet members who sided with Jim Jones to wash their heads and come into his office. Then, he calls his doctor.

A CTU techie injects Whistler with a radioactive isotope that will lodge in his bones and enable CTU to track him. He picks up a cell phone, reads a txt msg, wonders what the hell "S dat a ph n yr pocket or RU Jst =:) 2C M?" means, then two thugs grab him and take him into a building, where he strips off the wire.

Nagonaworkhere is crushed. "You led them to me?""I had no choice, but if you listen to me, we both get out of here alive." Jack follows his signal into the building, where he finds out that Whistler has been disarmed.

9:52:36 to 9:59:59
An exciting top of the hour shoot out ensues. Jack is pinned down by Nagonaworkhere's martyrs, but manages to kill them somehow.

Meanwhile, a one-armed Russian and a Muslim terrorist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Where did you get that horrible hideous thing?" the one-armed Russian says, "Saudi Arabia."

Then, shooting breaks out in the bar. A bar patron goes down. Jack kicks Nagonaworkhere in the face, but Whistler escapes.

Zombie President Belushi eats his doctor's brain.

Whistler stumbles underneath the pier. Weak from blood loss and reeking of swarthy terrorist man-love, he falls. As he dies, he sees a vision in the distance... a man in a leather jacket water-skiing over a shark. What could it mean?

Frau Blucher wants to declare a truce with Weasel Cage. They agree to agree to disagree. Then, Weasel Cage gets an ominous phone call. President Belushi is going ahead with the nuclear strike. The launch is successful.

Hey, if Mitt Romney can flip-flop on abortion...

Tick-Tock

Liveblogging 9 PM to 10 PM

Well, as many of you know, I have followed in The Man's footsteps and retired from political blogging. However, this does not mean you've gotten rid of me here at Blogs4Bauer. If anything, I should have even more time than ever to fill your days with gratuitous Kim Bauer references.

So I'll be taking the liveblogging reins tonight. I'll see you in about 20 minutes!

Here we go!

9:00 PM - I really hope we get lots of rainman action this week. That was a BRILLIANT idea by the 24 writers. Almost as brilliant as the idiot from France who believed that we had Manny's email address and would publish it openly.

Roosevelt governed fine from a wheelchair? Didn't they see Pearl Harbor? He had to stand up in order to get anyone to be impressed.

9:01 - The nuclear strike against Fayed's country? Seriously, they couldn't make something up like Qumar on the West Wing?

9:04 - Because the 25th amendment says the Cabinet decides, they can't ask what a doctor would say? That's pretty shoddy constitutional law...

9:08 - "The president must be strong enough in body and mind to defend this country." I'd have LOVED to see Reagan defend this country, you know, single-handedly.

Ads - It's official: I bogarted Tyler D.'s night to liveblog. So I'm handing over the reigns—the rest of this post will be his.

----TYLER'S POST----

9:23 - Is Milo a moron or what? Wait, spoons (almost) redeems himself.

9:26 - Nuclear straws? I WANT ANOTHER NUKE!!! :/ NO MORE TALK!!

9:28 - HOLY CRAP!!! They better not start writing in complete silence with a frackin timer on the screen.

9:32 - Affidavits!?!?! Any more references to writing and I'm out. This is pathetic.

9:34 - More paper? I just went emo and sliced my wrists wide open....wide open.

You know what....




hmmm...



9:45 - Blood trail? Is Jack a blood-hound now?

9:50 - I wish Jack would scream "Boom Headshot!" just once when he wastes somebody. That would make my day.

9:54 - "Boris the Blade" is fish food? Now that is tragic.

9:56 - Well, I got my nuke "launch". Did this episode seem like I watching The Office? Just not as... anything really?

We're Bringing Kim Back!

April Fools Recap
Blogs4Bauer's successful April Fools Day prank made us the scorn of 24 geeks from Valencia to France. How successful you ask?

We published the first "spoiler" that Kim Bauer will return in episode 23 and end up being held hostage by a mole at CTU on Thursday at 3:20 pm. We also setup the mannyc24@gmail.com email address and it was soon hit by people informing "Manny" that we published his email address along with the information about Cougar Bait. One emailer decried spoilers and then asked Manny for more inside information! Our little prank also made it onto Total Fark, 24 Forum, IMDB, and other web boards.

We could tell by Friday that we'd better break the prank early because of how fast the news spread and also to inform people while we still had their attention. So at 8:54am on Friday we posted the second and final "spoiler". We also informed the people that emailed "Manny" that it was just a joke.

So if we got you, Happy April Fools Day and no hard feelings. We even fooled a guy from France,which is apparently not that hard to do.

Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge - Week 12

Welcome back to The Blogs4Bauer Kill Counter Challenge! contest to see who can guess Jack Bauer's point total. The winner will be given much praise and beEach week B4B will host a allowed to live another day.

Last week Jack managed to add two people onto the kill counter with only one shot. Had Brady not listened to the voices in his ear, I'm pretty sure that he would have joined the crowd.

This week the previews have Jack Bauer yelling "we need backup" which means they are already dead. With or without backup, how many kills will Jack add tonight?

Take a look at the Guidelines and Point System and post your point total in the comments section for Hour 11. The winner will be posted next Monday.

Week 1 (Hours 1-4): 4 Points
Winner: Rhymes With Right (4 points)
Week 2 (Hour 5): 0 Points
Winner: Justin (0 points)
Yeah, him. (0 points)
Week 3 (Hour 6): 0 Points
Winner: None
Week 4 (Hour 7): 2 Points
Winner: None
Week 5 (Hours 8-9): 4 Points
Winner: None
Week 6 (Hour 10): 4 Points

Winner: Yeah, him. (4 points)

glockspeak (4 points)

nicky (4 points)

Week 7 (Hour 11): 0 Points

Winner: The Man (0 Points)

Justin (0 Points)
Week 8 (Hour 12): 0 Points
Winner: Dan (0 Points)
pickett (0 Points)
Yeah Him (0 Points)
Week 9 (Hour 13): 5 Points
Winner: glockspeak (5 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 4 Points*
Winner: Al (4 Points)
Week 10 (Hour 14): 9 Points
Winner: None - Sorry Al
Week 11 (Hour 15): 1 Point
Winner: glockspeak (1 Point)

Season 6 Kills so far:
1. Bite to the neck (4 points)
2. Explosive kick (1 point)
3. Killing Curtis (-1 point)
4. Shooting while handcuffed (1 point, +1 Dammit bonus)
5. Shooting 2 dudes with a shotgun (2 points, +2 combo)

6. Saved Milo's ass by capping 2 dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
7. Shot Russian dude after beating him with a belt (1 Point)
8. Shot 2 Russian dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
9. Shot 2 more dudes (2 points, +2 combo)
10. Shot one more dude that died in the next hour (1 point, +4 combo)
11. Shot a henchman (1 point)

Miss Blogs4Bauer Contest - Round 1

Hi, I am William Shatner and I apologize for having that little bastard Sanjaya host last week's match up. See what happens when you let a douche bag like Ryan Seacrest take control? Well the Shat is back, again!

This week we have an exciting match up between two stars of Season 5. One is an assistant who put her family in harms way, got shot, ratted out the president, deceived the Secret Service, and might be dead. The other showed off her cleavage and ended up stabbing the president in the shoulder. Yes it is Evelyn Martin and Martha Logan going at it this week. Will the pill popping ex-first lady or her assistant advance to the next round?

Last week's contest was a snooze-fest. Marilyn Bauer easily rolled over Jenny McGill (87%-13%).

Click Here for an updated bracket.

The next match up will be posted next Monday (4/9) will be our final Round 1 contest with Debbie "I heart Behrooz" Pendleton pitted against Agent Michelle Dessler .

Here is this week's tale of the tape:

Name: Evelyn Martin
Status: Dead?
Occupation: Martha Logan's assistant/Demerol Mojito maker

Strengths: Ability to cut kiwis without ending up charged for Murder one.
Weaknesses: Amy Martin
Curious detail: During Season 5, Evelyn informed Jack that Charles Logan was behind the nerve gas.



Name: Martha Logan
Status: Insane
Occupation: Basket weaver at Shady Oaks
Strengths: Agent Pierce's warm embrace
Weaknesses: Kiwis, Charles Logan, knives
Curious Detail: Martha is the only First Lady on the show 24. Also, her character was loosely based on Hillary Clinton, where she would use her husband to get so far...then stab him in the back when an opportune time came about.

Who should move on? Evelyn Martin Martha Logan Click Here for results

Another Exclusive 24 Spoiler

-EXCLUSIVE-

Yesterday we told you about the plans to bring back Cougar Bait in the final few episodes of 24. Today we have another spoiler that is so...spoiling that we will not post the image of the email as to not ruin it for people that might get upset.

Is it news about Audrey actually being alive - who nose? Is it that Tony is not really dead? Could it be that Jack Bauer is not going to be around next season? Has the ghost of Edgar taken hostages at the local Dunkin Donuts? Could there be another lame 1980s actor that has not been on an episode this season? Ok, John Stamos is not going to be on 24.

Warning...don't look if you cannot handle the truth.

Seriously, we don't want you to end up watching Dancing with the One-Legged Stars instead of 24 after seeing this.

Click Here to see what Fox and Jack Bauer do not want you to know.