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Saturday, March 24, 2007

And Now, A Message From Jack Bauer

Hello, my name is Jack Bauer, and I am a federal agent with the Counter Terrorist Unit, or CTU. Recently, I spent two years being tortured in a Chinese prison, watched helplessly as Islamic terrorists detonated a nuclear device over Los Angeles, and learned that my true love died while trying to save me. While these incidents have been traumatic, I am here to alert you to an even more frightening event; the sale of Anna Nicole Smiths' diaries.

Imagine my consternation when I read this blurb at Yahoo! News:
The late Playboy model's handwritten 1992 diary was sold for $282,500 and her 1994 diary went for $230,000 in an eBay auction Thursday, plus a 20 percent buyer's premium.
Certainly, someone that has done as much for this country as Ms. Smith deserves better. Her diaries belong in The Smithsonian, alongside such great American works as The Emancipation Proclamation and the original copy of RUN DMC's masterpiece "King of Rock." As a matter of fact, the $500,000 purchase price for such priceless items is an insult: I would have paid thrice that amount.

In case you haven't caught on by now, I am being completely sarcastic here.

Let me tell you what I really think about this non-story. Anna Nicole Smith became famous because she showed her cooter to the world for money! This woman is not an American icon. this woman is not a role model. This woman had little to no moral courage. At least Nina Myers kept her clothes on for her queen's ransom.

The members of CTU Los Angeles are putting our asses on the line every day for this country. We bleed, we die, we turn on each other like a bunch of high school girls, and for what? To be upstaged by some empty-headed bimbo who wrote her diary in Crayola??? I don't think so. If I want to see about mindless idiots writing mindless thoughts, I would be watching the Democrats pontificate on C-SPAN.

We don't have time to care about Anna Nicole Smith's diaries, damnit!!!


steveegg said...

Pssst, one of those winning bids came from Ricky Stratton.

And I doubt that The Man will dock the kill count a point if you do what needs to be done. Just throw a couple of "dammits", grab the Jack Sack, and don the Aviators.

Rob Carr said...


I wonder what a forensic analysis of the Playboy with Anna Nicole Smith found in that cutaway hiding place in the laundry of your boyhood home would show?

I suspect it's not the only place traces of your DNA are going to show up in a DNA test.

Blame Anna Nicole Smith for posing? Nah, blame everyone who bought the pictures. She was just doing whatever it took.

You of all people ought to understand that.

Anonymous said...

SO, I guess being a democrat I am not welcome on this site anymore?

Maxwell said...

Cool pic of Bauer f'd up back. Sweet blog.

Maxwell Smith

Anonymous said...

I am selling Anna'a
ghost in a jar on ebay.

BUMBLE!!! said...

I used to trade magazines with Guess ads to a fellow Air Force guy at the time for CDs...

They were barely unique and priceless. If the market will pay it, so be it.

Buckaroo Banzai said...

glockspeak - Nah, all members of all Parties are welcome here . . . except Communists.