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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

TivoBlogging: The Following Takes Place Between 8:00 pm and 9:00 pm

08:00:00 to 08:10:23

The Drone Op's as dead as Britney's career.
Jack's pissed for the excessive corpses, 'round here
Martouf finds the module, that proves AF was no mole
He sells it to Ricky, in exchange for his soul

Chiggy tells Jack about the Veep's plan
To pass out Atomic Kool-Aid to Durkadurkastan
"Doesn't he know that that will start World War III?"
And Chiggy asks, "Jack, when do you pee?"

Whistler is pissed because his drone didn't blow.
With three bombs down and two more to go.
Nagonaworkhere's fed up, tells Whistler to Farg It
But Whistler says "Only I can give you the target."

Whistler calls Charlie Babbit, for his services, begs
Raymond will do it when he's done with his eggs.
But his desperate call was intercepted by Chloe.
Awana Fuqya is arrested as an enemy combatant, Oy!

08:14:35 to 08:24:08

Cynthia McKinney keeps vigil, by the president's bed, in a stupor,
And in the midst of distress, she's bugged by Frau Blucher
"Jim Belushi must awaken, we have enemies to appease"
Cyn' smacks her with a cell phone. But then she agrees.

Back at the Batcave, the Vickery takes position
To launch a nuke payload at Jim Jones's volition
The bomb has a yield of 300 kilotons
That will burn durkastanis into char-broiled skeletons

Jim Jones asks how many stiffs they'll be making,
Then Ann Coulter walks in, there's a call that needs taking.
"Belushi's faggot doctor is bringing him out of the coma.
He'll FUBAR your plans to droppa the bomba."

Jim Jones calls the doctor. "If you don't stop right now,
I'll make you stop, though I'm not sure quite how."
The doctor says "it's not up to you, it's Cynthia's choice,"
Then, whacks him with a cell phone, with text and with voice.

Back in L.A., Jack and his crew, on the move
Into Rain Man's house, and they start to groove
Charlie Babbitt takes bullets right through the pants
And confesses the target is a nuke power plant.

08:28:22 to 08:34:45

Jack goes easy on Raymond, for mercy's good sake
Jack tells Raymond his brother has made some mistakes,
Raymonds says: "Hey, I make mistakes, too
Like that time I used my own turds to make stew."

Jack decides to go forward and set up a sting...
To nail the terrorists, it's the onliest thing
Charlie calls Whistler, says don't be a fool
And then sets up Rain Man, to act as his mule.

Martouf goes to Milo, back at CTU
And tells him about the module, intending Ricky to screw
Milo thought he nailed Ricky, but Al Bundy appeared
Said, "He gave me the module, Awana Fuqya is cleared."

Ricky pins Martouf, it's his favorite pasttime
And says, "You've screwed with the wrong guy for the last time.
You thought I hated her, just because she was Moslem?"
It's sad when two faggots have personal problems.

08:38:54 to 08:49:52

RPF says to Kemper, back at the CTU
"When Awana gets back, it will suck to be you."
Kemper and Fuqya make out like hell.
Like they were the new Tony A and Michelle.

While Kemper and Fuqya kiss and make up
Cyndi and Blucher just want Jim to wake up.
The doc is concerned, if his condition's not managed
The result could be irreversible Dain Bramage.

Jack takes an earpiece, to fix up Raymond all proper
But Raymond just wants to stay home and watch Wapner.
Whistler pulls up and mutters in Russian foreboding
"You can waste this little retard, when I'm done downloading."

Jack's shooter is blocked by Raymond's fat head
But Rain Man gets down, and he snipes the red
When Whistler wakes up, he refuses to squeal
Minus the usual deluxe immunity deal.

08:53:54 to 08:59:59

Jim Jones wants Vickery to be unloading
Weasel Cage argues "Why not just stop any more nukes from 'sploding.
Why go ahead, with this dangerous thumping."
Jim Jones bellows, "'Cos I gotta nuke something!"

Belushi arises, to Blucher's relief
And resumes his duties as Commander-in-Chief.
"Oh, and you were so good at that," Jim Jones, the veep, sneers.
He demands the AG, or as Ann calls him, "that queer."

Tick Tock.


yankz said...

Like that time I used my own turds to make stew."

Hilarious, but ouchhhh.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm pretty much for sure going to Hell for that.

Bob Engler said...

This is SO MUCH BETTER than the actual show!


I think now I can stop watching.

Jack Bauer said...

volition. Nice job VtheK....

As U2 once said..."it's even better than the real thing"

adeibiza said...

superb.. thats all that needs to be said

Anonymous said...

Poetry - pure poetry!

SusanT said...

The doctor says "it's not up to you, it's Cynthia's choice,"
Then, whacks him with a cell phone, with text and with voice.

this whole thing was pure literary genius but that was my favorite line.

Johnny Park said...

Best among live blogs and Tivo blogs alike.

steveegg said...

Brilliance. Sheer unadulterated brillance!

Anonymous said...

v the k's a poet and I didn't even know it!

ha! that was a great installment. unexpected, but enjoyable and clever.

long live blogs4bauer!