Carnival of Bauer

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

Point: I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent

Point: I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent
by President Bush

Heh Heh. Over the past few seasons Jack Bauer has done a heckuva job. But starting next season, Agent Bauer doesn't have to worry about pesky moles anymore. That's because a true patriot is expected to join CTU. A man of impeccable credentials and unflaking faith, me! Jack Bauer and I have made the decision to defeat the terrorists in LA so we don't have to face them here at home.

John McCain thought he was cool because his little role last season - like he was up for an Oscar or something. I kept reminding him they gave a NASCAR driver speaking lines and a bigger role! Johnnie's time on screen could have been better spent than just a hand-off of a plain CTU folder. I thought his 6 years as a POW would get him to make the most out of his modest screen time, giving a Hawaiian Good Luck Sign or blinking "Kim Bauer is hot" in Morse Code.

As Agent "Eddie Burke", my statergry will involve taking out many terrorists with no compassion in a 24 hour period. I hope they give me shot at taking down a sitting president who lied to the American public in order to get us in a war in Central Asia over oil.

This is historic times and Bauer and Bush are historic people who are going to put an end to this terror shit. Just don't tell Laura.

Counterpoint: If I Were At CTU, None Of These Attacks Would Have Happened.
by John F. Kerry

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - Bauer, You're Out!by Jimmy "Da Hammer" Lopez
Counterpoint - Without Jack Bauer, the only cup you'd be drinking from is between your legs!- by Peter Gammons

Point- "We do not need Rack Bauer" by Chinese General Tso
Counterpoint - Jack's Coming To Thin Out Your Herd by President Logan

Point - It's time to give credit where credit is due. by Jack Bauer's manpurse
Counterpoint - That man-purse makes you look like a sissy. by Mr. Blackwell

Point - Jack Bauer's Threats Will Not Stop Iran's Nuclear Plans. by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Counterpoint - Keep It Up And We'll Give You Nuclear Weapons ASAP - Courtesy Of The B-2 Bomber. by Donald Rumsfeld

Point - Dude, I Wouldn't Hit That, Again. by Spenser Wolff
Counterpoint - A Guy Who Is Hung Like A Chinese Church-mouse Shouldn't Run His Pie-hole So Much. by Chloe O'Brian

Point - Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead. by Ted Kennedy
Counterpoint - Anything Is Possible. by Mary Jo Kopechne

Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!


The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I just hope he and Jack can defuse the amnesty bomb that has been ticking...

Dionne said...

LOL--I love this!!!!!!

MJ06 said...

Thats some good stuff.