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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Return of THE JACK SACK!!!

After 17 hours of waiting, Jack Bauer has been reunited with his trusty manpurse- The Jack Sack. Below is 'ol Sacky in his own words, rejoicing in the moment:


Gen. Douglas A. MacArthur said "I shall return" and that is what I've done tonight! After 2 years of a Chinese prison, after 17 hours of tracking down Abu Fayed and his rag-tag bunch of bumbling nuke-carting jackbirds, Jack Bauer has been reunited with me, his loyal protector and all-purpose fashionable utility bag- The Jack Sack!

This has been a very difficult day for us all, myself included. I remember watching my friend, The Black Sack, die earlier this day. And I recall seeing Jack pop in and out of CTU, walking right past me, oblivious to my very existence. I have to say, I felt dejected. And then I saw Jack talking with that floozy, Marilyn. I was about to pack myself up and move to West Virginia, when I heard the news: Audrey is dead. That settled it, I wasn't going anywhere... I decided to stand with the best friend I've ever known.

As Jack made his final push to kill the terrorists, I organized a fresh supply of C4 and ammo clips. The other sacks were rolling their straps at me-- "Where do you think you're going, fella?" they asked me. They believed the crisis was over once the nukes were secured. But I knew better. And when the call came in-- that the Chinese were back in play and Audrey was alive-- that's when I took the first chopper over to Jack's position in the field. I introduced myself to that "sackless" punk Mike Doyle and he brought me to Jack. When my canvas strap was slung over Jack's shoulder, it was like all that unpleasantness of the past 17 hours just... dissolved in a murky memory of nothingness.

And now, Jack and I have gone rogue. That means that we will stop at nothing to finish the job. Due Process, habeas corpus, the Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights- these are of no concern to us. What we seek is sweet, bloody justice. And we shall have our revenge.

Don't even think of getting in our way. Copy that?


yankz said...

Hilarious. "Sackless"- money.

Anonymous said...

For Audrey's sake, i hope his Treo 650 is in the Jack Sack.

Anonymous said...

I told you! I told you Jack would not forget his trusted friend! His hangtown guy! His little bag of surprises! I actually shouted "the JACK SACK IS BACK!"

TheJackSack said...

glockspeak, I love you brother.

Anonymous said...

*blushing* well, adam, thank you but I am a lady. (background someone shouting "you ain't no lady!") Ok, well, I may be no lady but I am a woman!

TheJackSack said...

glockspeak, I love you, lady!!! A lot!!!