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Thursday, April 06, 2006

B4B Fight Club: Veep versus Veep
Hal Gardner: '24'
Age: fiftyish
Occupation: VPOTUS
Current Season Death Count: 0 if he's not involved in the terror, 141 if he is.
Strengths: Decisive, willing to make tough decisions, and a master of deception.
Weaknesses: He is part of the ticket with Logan, and Logan is the Machiavellian mastermind? That's not a good sign.
Curious Detail: None that I can think of. Actually, mildew probably has more personality quirks than Hal Gardner.

Caroline "Hillary" Reynolds: 'Prison Break'
Age: fiftyish
Occupation: VPOTUS
Current Season Death Count: 5 (the witness, LJ's mom and stepdad, the secret service agent who looked like Andy Richter, and the manager of Veronica's building)
Strengths: Handy with a vegetable slicer. Also, completely devoid of anything resembling a conscience.
Weaknesses: Not really hands on. Tends to let her goons do the work. Vulnerable to daylight, crosses, garlic.
Curious Detail:Probably the worthless, Roger-Clinton-like presidential brother whose death she had to fake to preserve her political viability.

My $.02
After slapping Reynolds hard in the face with a big red herring, Gardner would open with a hard smack to the back of her head and follow through with a dirty blow to the ovaries, yelling "Feel my pimp hand!" Reynolds would start crying, "How can you do that to me? I'm a woman." Gardner would feel guilty and offer to help her up, and she would answer with a hard kick to the nads. She would follow with several high kicks to the face, like a rockette, before jumping on his shoulders and attempting to squeeze the life out of him between her giant thighs. Gardner would reel backwards and try to knock her off by pounding her against the wall. The fight would end when Dick Cheney intervenes and blasts both of them in the face with a shotgun.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I would pay $14 just to see Logan's facial expressions as he watches this match.

I call it constipanticipation