Carnival of Bauer

Blog Archive

Add to Google

24 Fanatic


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Point: Jack Bauer Puts the "Special" in Special Agent

Point: Jack Bauer Puts the "Special" in Special Agent
by Agent David Breckinridge

I'm agent David Breckinridge, and I just had the longest hour and thirty-five minutes of my life.

Working the security detail in Washington DC can be a dangerous job. It takes a real man to defend the President of the United States and look good doing so. That's why Agent Jack Bauer came to DC and ended up crawling back to LA? Jack Bauer just couldn't hack it in 'the district'.

Did you know that in 141 years of the Secret Service, there has never been a mole, until now? As it turns out my mentor happened to be the mole. I had a limited time frame to get to the bottom of the mole business and save the President's life. I live for this kind of stuff.

Yet, I hear that in only 5 days at CTU, there's been something like 18 moles. It seems to me Jack Bauer runs a sloppy shop out in "el-lay". Imagine if the president's life were in his hands? Someone could get hurt and that's just not going to happen on my watch.

What I did in 1 hour and 37 minutes would probably take "special" agent Jack Bauer 24 hours. We just don't have time for Jack Bauer.

Counterpoint: Breckinridge, You Couldn't Hold Jack Bauer's Jock.
by Chloe O'Brian

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!

No comments: