Carnival of Bauer

Add to Google

24 Fanatic


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Point: I Know That You Want to Come Back to Me

Point: I Know That You Want to Come Back to Me
by Heroin

Hey Jack Bauer, remember me? I'm sure you do, we spent a lot of time together. I know you don't have much time so I'll get to the point. Jack, I know you want to come back to me, come on and chase the dragon just once more.

Jack, we had some fun in Mexico - yes we did, denial is the first sign of a real problem that can only be cured by some sweet chiva. Remember that time you were on a 2 day bender and ran nude through that village outside Culiacán? How about when you spent an hour interrogating a goat on the whereabouts of The Three Amigos? He almost broke, maybe next time buddy. How about now?

You're under a great deal of stress, that's why you should let a little black tar take the edge off. It couldn't hurt your current situation - in the hull of a ship headed to China.

What are you waiting for, we don't have much time? The dragon won't chase itself.

Counterpoint: Jack doesn't need you anymore, heroin. He has me.
By Adrenaline

Previous Point-Counterpoint Posts
Point - New York and Connecticut Need Their Own Senators. by CBS Anchor Katie Couric
Counterpoint - Katie Couric Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole. by Chloe O'Brian

Point- I would make a kick-ass CTU Agent! by President Bush
Counterpoint- If I Were At CTU, None Of These Attacks Would Have Happened. by John F. Kerry

Point - Bauer, You're Out! by Jimmy "Da Hammer" Lopez
Counterpoint - Without Jack Bauer, the only cup you'd be drinking from is between your legs!- by Peter Gammons

Point- "We do not need Rack Bauer" by Chinese General Tso
Counterpoint - Jack's Coming To Thin Out Your Herd by President Logan

Point - It's time to give credit where credit is due. by Jack Bauer's manpurse
Counterpoint - That man-purse makes you look like a sissy. by Mr. Blackwell

Point - Jack Bauer's Threats Will Not Stop Iran's Nuclear Plans. by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Counterpoint - Keep It Up And We'll Give You Nuclear Weapons ASAP - Courtesy Of The B-2 Bomber. by Donald Rumsfeld

Point - Dude, I Wouldn't Hit That, Again. by Spenser Wolff
Counterpoint - A Guy Who Is Hung Like A Chinese Church-mouse Shouldn't Run His Pie-hole So Much. by Chloe O'Brian

Point - Don't Hold Your Breath; Heller's Dead. by Ted Kennedy
Counterpoint - Anything Is Possible. by Mary Jo Kopechne

Point - I'm Going to Kill Jack Bauer! by Christopher Henderson
Counterpoint - Henderson, You're As Good As Dead! by The Grim Reaper

Point- Jack Bauer Cannot Help Recover Your Money, Mr. Rakotozafy (I can) - by Nina Myers
Counterpoint- Everything Nina Myers says is bullsh*t. - by Jack Bauer

Point- Audrey Raines: Kick The Jack Habit Today! - by Dr. Phil (on loan from - Audrey, stand by your man! - by Mary Jo Buttafuoco

Point - Thin Mints are an addictive narcotic - by Jack Bauer
Counterpoint - Thin Mints Are Only The Beginning - by Vladimir Bierko

Point - I'm going to make it! by Random Guard
Counterpoint - Nah, you're not. - by Death

Point - CTU needs better training for their security guards before something bad happens
Counterpoint - My teenage daughter could have stopped every incursion into CTU!

Point- 24:The Game Will Lead to More Violence
Counterpoint - Violence Makes The World Go 'Round

Point - Jack Bauer could not have shot down one of our AS 350 Ecureuil Helicopters with a handgun
Counterpoint - A redneck with a squirt gun could shoot down your euro-trash.

Point - It's Time To Turn Jack Bauer Over To The Chinese
Counterpoint - Confucius Say, "Man With Wandering Groin Accomplishes Little"

Point - Impeach Weasel, Dennis Kucinich For President
Counterpoint - Fox should fight off impeachment like Shelley Winters fought off diet cola

Point - They are already illegally wiretapping Jack Bauer's cell phone, whose next?
Counterpoint - The U.S. government does not violate our civil rights enough!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dude, since Jack planted the bug, the Prez was already handcuffed and led away to his fate. You're months behind, and the sad thing is you've probably been planning this for a long time. Jack took care of it in less than a day!
Yet another reason you should vote for Jack as your senator.