Carnival of Bauer

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What better way to reign in the White House Press Corps than to install Jack Bauer as Press Secretary? Let's see if David Gregory has the guts to ask Jack Bauer about "sloppy seconds".

Top 10 Changes Jack Bauer Would Bring to the White House Press Corps
10. Positive stories about Bush increase 145% in his first hour alone.
9. Five moles weeded out of press corps by Bauer.
8. Ask a stupid question; get hooked up to the sensory deprivation device.
7. Podium replaced with bullet-proof barrier with gun ports.
6. All press conferences last an hour, with all tough questions coming at 45 minutes past the hour.
5. By the end of a press conference, a minimum of 34 people would have been killed.
4. "No comment" replaced by "We don't have time for that question".
Gary Bauer mistakenly showed up to a press conference, once.
2. All comments will be yelled.
Blogs4Bauer starts to live-blogs press conferences.

Do you have more ideas on what Bauer could bring to the White House Press Corps? Post them in the comments below.

(More at some other site)


NDwalters said...

Jack Bauer as Press Secretary, Jeezus, that would rock.

He sees a lib reporter that looks like Nina Myers and just shoots a whole clip into her. Then says- "That was my ex-partner. Killed my wife..." All nod in agreement, sweating bullets.

Anonymous said...

That could lead a Henderson-type to nerve gas the whole DC Press Corp. Of course, Jack would survive. The nation would be indebted to the terrorists.

sonicfrog said...

He would have the job for at least three more years:-)

Dionne said...

We can only dream!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

A hacksaw would be added to the seal on the front of the podium.

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