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Sunday, January 07, 2007

Counterpoint: Snake Plissken is a whiny little bitch

Counterpoint: Snake Plissken is a whiny little bitch.
By Lieutenant John McClane

Jesus Christ, I am sick and tired of hearing about Snake Plissken, “The Hero of Leningrad,” “The Savior of the President,” and “The Messiah of Los Angeles.” If Plissken spent half as much time honing his, admittedly, impressive skills, the world wouldn’t need me, John McClane, “The Blue Collar Cop Who Quietly Does His Job.”

Some people refer to me as “The Hero of Nakatomi Plaza.” I think this description is crap. I’m a cop, and what I did in Los Angeles that Christmas Eve was all part of the job. However, let me remind Mr. Plissken that I single-handedly took out over a dozen armed terrorists, saved about one hundred people, and I did it all without my shoes on. Oh, and I did all of these things in less than twelve hours! I didn’t need twenty-two like some prima donnas.

As for Jack Bauer, I have had the pleasure of working with him in Los Angeles. He is the most thorough investigator I have ever seen. If it takes him a full day to save the country – again – then so be it. At least we know the job will be done right. With you, who knows?

I know Jack Bauer. I have worked alongside Jack Bauer. Mr. Plissken, you are no Jack Bauer.

Point: I wasn't invited to Jack Bauer's whine and cheese party.
-Snake Plissken

(Wyatt created this counterpoint, but it was posted by me, because Wyatt doesn't have NewBlogger yet)

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