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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Fracking With the Designing Women Angle

OK, so, President Charles Logan (Gregory Itzin), who if he were any more of a weasel would do every scene with a bloody chicken carcass in his mouth, is apparently married to the unstable Jean Smart, formerly Charlene, one of the Designing Dingbats. This got me to thinking. I wonder if we could marry off the other Designing Women to their 24 counterparts.

Now, I wasn't a big Designing Women fan, but I think I saw a couple of episodes on Lifetime while at my kid's grandma's, and I read the IMDB "Memorable Quotes" feature to give me some of the flavor, so here's how I think it would go.

First of all, Dixie Carter, abrasive, opinionated, loud-mouthed, control freak harridan; the kind of woman who is like honey to pathetic girly-men utterly lacking in self-esteem --- especially if they have an eating disorder, sex addiction, and presidential ambitions. I wouldn't wish her on any living man, so she can have George Mason (Xander Berkely), because he is dead and less likely to be annoyed by her incessant nagging.

Delta Burke, comparatively, was a piece-of-cake. There was really only one logical choice for her on "24". I think she and her pot-bellied pig could fight Edgar Stiles (Louis Lombardi) for the last chicken wing, and enjoy ample downloaded-p0rn in Edgar's two bedroom apartment above a Del Taco in Culver City.

Wow, Edgar looks a helluva lot like Shatner in that picture. Hmmmm...

Which brings us to Annie Potts. I really don't remember anything about her character, so, what the hell, I'll hook her up with Wayne Palmer (DB Woodside), 'cos he looks like he needs to be hittin' it.

Finally, there was a fifth Designing Woman, or, technically, a Designing Gelding, a man so thoroughly emasculated that he happily peed sitting down like a German. Of course, I mean Meshach Taylor, and since he was happiest when strong women denied him any expression of his manhood, he would be very happy as the kept man of Erin Driscoll (Alberta Watson).


Dionne said...

Alls I can say is either you're psycho or very creative :-). I actually liked Designing Women although I heard the people who created the show were Clinton buddies.

Alphie said...

"All I can say is either you're psycho or very creative"


That should be and : )