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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Updated Jack Bauer Kill Counter

Last night may have seemed like Jack could go through an hour without killing someone. But, who are we kidding? An hour without killing (to Jack) is like an hour without air.

In the first five hours, Jack has killed 10 bad guys (2 are kills credited to his cell phone). On average that is 2 per hour, if he keeps up this pace we will have 48 kills by the end of the day.

Two main characters made a comeback last night, one being a drugged out Tony. The other being the famous torture room from Season 4. For fans new to 24, last season CTU tortured the Secretary of Defense's son, Behrooz and his mother, a fellow CTU agent, and Jack tortured a bad guy as well. I think we can all agree that one highlight of last season was watching Curtis have his way with Heller's son using the sensory deprivation devise.

For a complete list of 24-related deaths, click here.

How should Jack "extract" information out of Chloe's boy toy?

Nothing, he'll crack under the pressure of Jack Bauer's voice.
Curtis and his Sensory Deprivation Device
Blindfold and cover him in Twinkie filling. Then let Edgar in the room.
Let Chloe have her way with him, again.
Jack Bauer's patented 5-finger pullback.
Hook his nipples up to a CTU Ford Explorer's battery.
Make him watch Season 3 of 24 on DVD.
Leave him alone with a TV tuned into C-Span's coverage of the Senate
debate on Judge Alito.
Other (list in comments section)


David Golden said...

You know it's bad when my wife & I scream "TORTURE HIM!" at the TV at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Jack must be mellowing as the seasons go by...he didn't bust into the interrogation room, flip the table over, and shove boy-toy against the wall, all while shooting a terrorist from 12 miles away.

They can do 2 things with boy-toy
1.) get the democrats from the judiciary committee to question him.
2.)dress him up like Monica at let Bill into the room with a box of Cohibas.

lawhawk said...

He should push him full of drugs and make his heart flutter like a pinata at a party of MLB baseball players. Then pull back.

And rinse and repeat as necessary. Five to 10 times sounds sufficient - not enough to cause any permanent damage, but enough to make him wish he was dead.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

Have him watch a repeating video of Bill Clinton explain the word "is". He'll crack inside of 5 minutes.

RFTR said...

All of the above! ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!

The Conservative UAW Guy said...



Buckaroo Banzai said...

Screw that. Make him watch an X-rated home video of Bea Arthur and Ernest Borgnine. He'll tell you who kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

Dionne said...

I like Greg's--LOL.

Tyler said...

What we need is an HTML jack kill counter. That the man or whoever can update from B4Bauer and the counter will change on our blogs.