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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Next, on 24.
[Note: the contents of this post do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Blogs4Bauer, nor those of individual contributors other than The Conservative UAW Guy. Although considering the political blogs that each of us operates separately it probably does, all hate-mail should be sent directly to the author. -RFTR]

Jack discovers the mole has been exchanging information with known traitors and terrorist-coddling, leftist tree-huggers.

Using a fundraiser raising money for out-of-work terrorist, Jack rounds up Moore, Kennedy, Murtha, Reid, Pelosi, and several others.
Once at the fundraiser, he lures them to a warehouse with a hippy whistle.

A hippy whistle is like a deer whistle or duck call, but it makes a sound like

"Help, I'm being oppressed by evil conservatives, and I need a late term abortion and some more welfare!!!"

"Aaaagghhh! Someone's driving an SUV and they're not rich actors or politicians!"

Jack then subsequently tortures them by saying a prayer to Jesus and shoving Ronald Reagan pictures in their faces ("THIS IS A REAL PRESIDENT, YOU F***ING TRAITOROUS COMMIES!!! YOU PROBABLY LIKE SINKING LOGIC CONTROLS, TOO!!!).

Of course, the spineless leftists immediately spill their guts (and not a small amount of urine, either) and tell Jack everything.

Once Jack has the information, he lets them go summarily executes them for crimes against the state.
He is aquitted one week later by a jury of his peers real Americans.

But wait! Where's Al Gore?!?!?

Beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop...


CGrim said...

Heh. jimmyb is a sick puppy

Anonymous said...

Now that I've seen it:

# Jean Smart rocks.

# I might like Chloe if she didn't have that look on her face all the time, and

# I really didn't need the image of Chloe having sex with somebody in my head, thanks all the same.

# Do we really have to have a liberal President every season?

# When Palmer was killed, I did a little jig.

# Do we really have to have a mole every season?

# Enough of the CTU vs. Bauer nonsense. They've had enough time to figure out they should listen to him and do what he says.

# Did we really need a hobbit CTU bureaucrat? What's next, Jack vs. Shelob?

Anonymous said...

Did we really need a hobbit CTU bureaucrat? What's next, Jack vs. Shelob?

No...but given the track record of various past plotlines on the show, Kim vs. Shelob is a real possiblilty...unless they pit her against the frickin' hobbit instead. Even money which one would win that showdown...

...Speaking of Kim, according to the current issue of Entertainment Weekly, Elisha Cuthbert will be back about midway through the season for several episodes...accompanied by C. Thomas Howell (of Red Dawn fame). According to the magazine, Howell will be playing Kim's control-freak psychiatrist.

Hmmm. On the one hand, it's about time they got Kim some professional help. On the other hand...I can't decide whether that sounds like an interesting plotline...or whether we should instead just hold out for Kim vs. Shelob.

--LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

Dionne said...

UAW guy: I loooooooooved this post. Sounds great to me, too bad it couldn't happen in real life.

CGrim said...

Red Dawn... what a great movie... (assuming you throw out any semblance of realism, of coure).

"Who is on our side?"

"600 million screaming Chinamen."

"Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen."

"Yeah, there were..."

Anonymous said...

OMG! I'm still laughing (thumbs up)

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