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Monday, May 15, 2006

Liveblogging 4am-5am RFTR

Liveblogging: 4 AM to 5 AM
8:52 (local time): If you're showing up at 9:00 EST expecting to see the liveblogging and 24 craziness beginning, get out of my country. Only illegal immigrants wouldn't know that the President was speaking tonight on immigration/border control/guest working issues, and everything on Fox is delayed by 20 minutes.

So come back at 9:20, watch 24, read both of our liveblogs, and then hop the border back to your homeland.

I'll be back in half an hour.

9:19 (local time): Here we go, folks.

4:00 (Bauer time)— Does anyone else still say "on the day of the California Presidential Primary" when he says "the following takes place between 4 AM and 5 AM"?

4:01—Chloe blew it. Miles is the mole.

4:02—So the Homeland Security red-shirts wear white? Doesn't seem to stop Jack from sucker-punching them, though. Or choking rats.

4:05—So, seriously, did the writers not know we'd all be screaming "Jack! Play the damn recording into your voicemail!" Honestly, that's just piss-poor writing.

4:06—RELEASE BARRABAS! Um, I mean BAUER! Then send him to go take out el presidente weasel-o. (I'm practicing my Spanish for when La Raza succeeds. I'm getting pretty good at it. I thought I made up the word "aeropuerta" and then my girlfriend informed me that that's the right word for airport.)

4:08—Why would they transfer Bierko so quickly? There was no real urgency for it, and if the idiots at CTU had simply read Jack's file they would have known that Bierko was going to escape and find another cannister of nerve gas.

This show is so frustrating sometimes. Sigh.

Ads—Taco Bell ad. Didn't Taco Bell's motto used to be "Head for the border"? Or "Run for the Border"? Or something like that? I wonder how that line would play today.

4:13—First Lady Weasel just considered and then rejected suicide by marriage to weasel. And then walked out into a hallway with the ugliest big puffy white spikey lamps I've ever seen in my life.

4:15—Ooooh. Pierce gonna kick some Presidential butt. Check out that look on his face. NICE. Even with all that rage, he calls him "Mr. President." That's class.

4:17—Is it really the Secret Service's duty to bring the President to justice for traitorous behavior? I have a feeling that technically they're supposed to protect him no matter what he does.

And he pulls out the first name like a ton of bricks.

His loyalty is to David Palmer? No, his loyalty is to the country whereas the President's is to his own pride.

4:21—So now we're back to getting the nerve gas and getting information out of Henderson. And Jack Bauer has lost faith in the ability of torture to get information out of people? What's going on?? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

4:22—I say they wake Tony up and let him torture Henderson.

Why do I get the feeling Jack isn't offering Henderson a deal? And that he's going to kill Henderson instead? I'm probably wrong, but I don't think Jack wants to let Henderson go at any cost.

4:24—Let Henderson have full immunity and then shoot his wife in the kneecap. Perfect compromise.

4:25—Good point "You can't believe that Charles Logan masterminded this all himself." "Charles Logan" and "mastermind" definitely don't come together naturally.

So Jack and Henderson are going out together? If we had Bacardi and Cola before, what is this? Bacardi and really really old scotch?

Ads—Uneventful. Lame. This is the problem with liveblogging, and I hope you people appreciate the sacrifice I'm making: 24 is much better when watched 20 minutes late through a DVR filter. I'm suffering here!

4:31—I'm just so glad Comrade HATO is back. Does that make me a bad person? What if I'm glad he's back because I want to see Jack and Henderson go medieval on his rear-end? Preferably with a hacksaw.

4:32—Buchanan: "We can get through it." Chloe (pinch your nose): "Not a Phoenix shield. It's a poison pill, glavin."

4:34—If Red Foreman hadn't been tortured so long, he would have won that fight. Oh wait, he did anyway, thanks to a little hellp from First Lady Annie Oakley.

That was awesome.

Ads—Um. That chick who used to be on Ed that just did the sunless tanning ad? Maybe it was just the hue on my TV, but she looked pretty orange when she said "no fake orange color." Do women really fall for that crap?

4:40—Bacardi, really really old scotch AND cola, all together! Man, that would taste AWFUL. Especially if you're a terrorist.

4:41—Oh crap. Another perimeter. We're in serious trouble now.

4:43—Jack's climbing like a monkey with a man-purse. Henderson's being scanned by the TSA before entering the arms dealer's apartment. Is it just me, or does this guy seem remarkably fresh and with it for 4:45 in the morning.

4:45—So this guy has state-of-the art security systems of all kinds. But his front door is sheet metal. His second door is freaking glass. And Jack can get in through the ceiling vents?

And now Cola is bleeding. Stupid really really old scotch. Why didn't you just TELL them that was your plan?

4:46—Chloe says it's going to take her a while to decrypt the files. BS. All she's got to do is type really fast and grimmace at the screen. I've seen enough of this show to know that.

Ads—Local Fox news "see who's selling booze to kids and who's getting rich." I'm going to guess the people getting rich are the ones selling booze to kids. $10. Anyone take me up on it?

4:52—Is it just me, or is Martha seriously crossing the Agent/Proctectee line? I swore she was going to start licking the blood off his face any second. Not in a vampire way—just a sexual way.

4:54—Wait a minute. Did they just say they were getting the benefit of a technology-share from the treaty that was signed 12 hours ago? Are we really to believe that Russian and U.S. forces can link up that quickly when CTU can't figure out that a guy with Samwise Gamgee's ID badge isn't Samwise Gamgee?

4:56—Why didn't that dumbass naval officer just seal the freaking hatch? Jackass.

4:59—Okay, anyone know how many sailors on a Russian sub of that class? I don't even want to think about figuring out the kill count for this episode.

So. Comments? I thought that was a pretty lackluster episode. The writers are starting to get lazy. Time to torture them into some action.

Your thoughts in the comments. V the K's liveblog tomorrow. And more goodies all week!


Anonymous said...

Tyler es el topo

Anonymous said...

RFTR - I think we were talking about dualing live-blogs on the season finale.

Anonymous said...

"Does anyone else still say "on the day of the California Presidential Primary" when he says "the following takes place between 4 AM and 5 AM"?"

YES.... Thank god I'm not the only reason

Anonymous said...

How many CTU employees are left to kill off?

I am estimating 12 CTU agents killed by the IED/Ambush.

Anonymous said...

Ahh we have missing nervegas, CTU is going after Bierko, and Bauer is hitting people.

It almost reminds me of a few hours ago.

Anonymous said...

So, basically, nothing's happened yet in the last 20 hours. The plot remains, get the nerve gas.


Anonymous said...

"I thought we rolled CTU into Homeland security to avoid this kind of screw up."

I thought it was precisely to CREATE such a screw up.

Anonymous said...

I just turned the television on, to FOX... It had been on earlier, but I had turned it off, partly because I didn't know of any good programs that were on. I actually forgot that today was the day for 24!!

It is on commercial break now... The clock said 04:09...

But it is currently 8:31 PM, so that seems odd. But perhaps that's how they always do it.

I guess this is what happens when you have been living on campus, without a television in your room (and without a roommate who will keep one in the living room), and are just now living at home again.

But I was excited (and perhaps a bit surprised), just the other day, to find that FOX shows, including this one, have now been added to iTunes. I am glad that this has finally been done. Too bad it didn't happen sooner. (Then again, it's saved me some money... As is probably true with others, considering the nature of this program, and it's viewers.)

Anonymous said...

My wife: "what's the big deal with giving immunity, they've offered it to about 5 people this season, and all of them end up dead."

Anonymous said...

I am going to jump the couch.

---Spoiler Alert---

Bierko is going after the Presidential compound. Jack Bauer is going to be forced to save Logan.


Anonymous said...

13 - Secret Service Agent - Martha
14 - Agent Pierce - Bad Guys

I'll go ahead and say it:
"Martha finally found a way to quit Pierce"

Anonymous said...

Bacardi ... and cola.

All that shooting and only Cola gets hit? Damn that sucks.

Anonymous said...

All that shooting and only Cola gets hit? Damn that sucks.

I forgot about the other guy. We need a nickname. He looks like Monk (aka the taxi driver from Wings).

Anonymous said...

Anyone beleive a guy obsessed with security was going to back up the files on a freaking flash drive?

I don't. And why did he have no motion detectors on the roof, and why did no alarms go off when CTU crashed the joint?

Anonymous said...

I thought he looks like monk too, the man.

Anonymous said...

kdeweb, I'm skeptical. I think this show is doomed to proove that Jack is a load of hype. What a sissy. This show sucks.

Anonymous said...

Aaron is not dead.

14 - The Skipper - Bad Guys

as for the dead russian sub crew....I saw 4 go down, but there has to be hundreds of guys on that ship. But, they were at port. My head hurts. Good night.

Natsthename said...

I'm so happy to see...
Martha Logan, Kickass First Lady!

Anonymous said...

the writers of 24 only did that with the submarine to have you guys thinking for a week about how many got killed. i bet jacks gonna be like "bierko you killed 26 us navy sailors and now you will pay" next week

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. How many did die on the Russian sub? At a wild guess, I'd say the crew complement of a Russian "Delta IV" SSBN would be about 120-130 men. (It was described as a Delta on the show, right?)

I don't have any reference books discussing the Deltas, but according to the book "Hostile Waters," by Peter Huchthausen, Igor Kurdin and R. Alan White, the crew of the predecessor Navaga class SSBNs - designated "Yankee" by NATO - was about 120. The Deltas were a larger design than the older Navaga/Yankees, but a much more modern one, so perhaps the crew would be the same size or just a little larger. If the publishers of "Jane's Fighting Ships" are online, they'd be able to tell you for sure.

On the other hand...maybe some of the comrades had shore leave. So the kill counter may still be up in the air...

("Hostile Waters" is the story of the last patrol of one such Navaga/Yankee boat, the K-219, which sank off Bermuda in 1986. K-219 had a complement of 119 sailors at the time of the accident.

It's a great read, if you like sea stories.)

--LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

Anonymous said...

What the heck happened to the other 'liveblog' entry here?

(I saw that my blog received a hit from that entry's page, due to a comment that I also left there - after leaving one here - but when I clicked that referral link, the page has gone the way of that Logan sound recording.)

(That entry seems to have disappeared from the front page of this site as well.)

Anonymous said...

The submarine in question was actually the USS Topeka

Until I hear otherwise, we will assume the ship is an Oscar II Class with 107 men aboard.

107 - Russian sailors - Bad Guys

MJ06 said...

Yeah last night was not very good. How ever every time I see that ad and this is totally off topic but since you talked about commercials every time I see that as for the movie whene a stranger calls I think thats the perfect roll for Elisha Culthbert.

NDwalters said...

24 Summary
At CTU Miles, Frau Blucher (neighs), Chigster, Jack, and a couple of unknowns are getting the Jerky Boys recording ready for Attorney General Ashcroft to hear. When Chloe plays it, it has more dead air than Ashlee Simpson trying to make an original song to a live audience. Jack yells at Chloe, and Chloe goes into Napoleon Dynamite mode- "It wasn't my flippin fault, GOSH! Idiot! It was that decroded piece of crap, Miles! He used his decoder ring to kill the recording!"

Jack instinctively goes over to Miles, who is packing his bags, not just fudge. DHS Dick is worried, as he sees the Ass Beatin that's walking his way. So, a no-name White Shirt, says halt and Jack gives him the thumb to the chest, felling him like a sock monkey. Jack then yells- "Do you know how many people died getting this recording?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE? Wanna guess how far I shove that guard's baton up your ass?" DHS Dick, still kicking Truffle Shuffle's fly covered corpse, retorts, "Ooo, how far? Wait, I don't care! I'm working as the new White House Intern at Brokedick Mountain so there!" Frau Blucher comes over and slaps DHS Dick, like the bitch that he is. He cries and shuffles off.

Frau Blucher and Chiggy get a call from Limpdick Nixon, who says, hand me my sacrificial lamb, I mean let Jack Bauer go. Blucher (neigh) thinks it's a trap and Jack is still wondering about the recording. So, he instinctively remembers, Roboslug and goes to beat a confession out of him. However, Frau Blucher gets a second phone call that Ivan The Terrible has escaped, again. One nameless agent, shot in the shoulder, calls it in and says, "Listen, I'm very badly hurt, some please send me an ambul...." as he's disconnected.

At the Fuhrerbunker, Mary Todd is about to take her whole bottle of meds with a large bottle of Stoli, then remembers if she dies President Limpdick will get more sympathy. She tosses the pills, cranks up Free Bird and yells, "FORREST!!!!!" We hear an echo, "Jenny!" So Mary Todd gives Red's cell phone to an agent to get it back to him. Agent No-name nods and gots to a back room, where Red is tied up. Limpdick comes in, to talk to him, and Red spits on his tie. Limp now has agent Jackoff get a car, shovel, and quicklime. Red is now marked for death, because Agent Tattletail says Red is more loyal to Palmer than the good Ole USA. 'No one ever calls me Charles, and gets away with it!' Limpdick thinks. He gets a call from Dr. Evil and Mini Me who ask on an update. Limpdick then says he's got Red taken care of. Or so he thinks.....

Jack Bauer is back at CTU, and is told to give Roboslug a deal. Torture didn't work, ask Tony and agent No-name and his sodium pentathol. Jack gives slug a deal and tells him to disappear, only after Logan is sent to Oz. However, Slug brings up a good point that Charles Logan is no mastermind, how did he think this up? He claimed to invent the internet, the freak. He couldn't spell Internet. Jack agrees with an Oooooo, low blow. Slug says, it's a Mastermind, cue to Dr Evil and Mini Me and their matching cats, laughing maniacally.

Jack, Token and Slug go to talk to an Arms Dealer, Born in East LA. So they act like they're sending Slug to help Cheech with an arms deal. Before going Audrey protests, "they hurt my daddy! He made me bleed! You're NOT gonna let him go!" 'Yes I will, I have to.' "Fine, then you can never see these again," as Audrey points to her chest. Jack gives him the angry look for risking of nookie loss, and kicks Slug into a CTU van. They go to Cheech's and Cheech offers Slug a roach and he declines.

Now, Ivan The Terrible is driving to an area, with a final jug of the Texmex Gas. He bought it from Cheech and is ready for one last hurrah of terrorism.

Back at CTU Chigster and Frau Blucher (neighs), and Chloe are working to get into Cheech's files, but Chloe finds a fantastic firewall from hell, and says it must be let down, by Cheech himself, otherwise it's a worm that will get THEIR computers, not Cheech's. Chigs and Frau just nod in confusion and tell Jack the news.

Jack is ontop a roof, with his Man Purse, and lots of ammo.

Back at Brokedick Mountain, Agent Tattletail pulls a Lincoln to a door, and precedes to haul Red out, kicking him in the back of his knees. Before he can cap Red, he notices Mary Todd taking a puff. He's about to shoot her, when Red sees Tattle about to shoot his woman. Red goes off and beats him, but is pistolwhipped. Just before Tattle can clip Red, Mary Todd goes Annie Oakley on his ass, shooting him ala Sonny Corleone.

Back at Cheech's East LA area, Slug starts telling Cheech to delete stuff, gives up CTU and then Jack, Token and the other Redshirts run in, shooting. They wound Cheech, and kick his joint away which is worse than death. Token's been shot, but he's not crying or hurt, he's just pissed. Jack preceeds to tear Slug a new one, when Slug says, firewall is down, hack now or lose it forever!

CTU gets info, and they find out The Red October is docked in LA Harbor. Not at a naval yard, but at the Plothole Port Authority Area. Ivan knows this and preceeds to use the last Texmex gas can and take over the sub, kicking tons of dead bodies out. The sub has non-nuclear missiles, but they are powerful enough to take out Downtown LA with one missile, not to mention other areas. Why is that sub here, again? Oh yeah, Limpdick made the treaty with Boris Badanov.

What happens next week?

Lots of dead bodies,
big blasts,
Jack shooting Logan or slapping him on TV,
Audrey confessing her feelings for Jack.
DHS Dick rooming with Adebisi.

Anonymous said...

"Does anyone else still say "on the day of the California Presidential Primary" when he says "the following takes place between 4 AM and 5 AM"?"

No, but I do say "in real time." Do you remember that bit of it?!

Great to see Martha help Pierce, poor dude looked like he had a root canal done on him. I can't WAIT to see Jack kick Logan's arse next week.

Anonymous said...

Hey FIAR, you suck ass.