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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Bauer Walks Out of CTU

Bauer Walks Out of CTU
Yesterday (May 1st), many thousands of protestors marched in cities across the United States for Immigration Reform. Some protestors left their jobs, kids walked out of school, and Jack Bauer refused to kill anyone.

The refusal to work for a day or having a few kids out of class will not have lasting effects on American society. However, Jack Bauer's refusal to kill anyone could spell disaster. Not only is it dangerous and unpatriotic, it makes for really boring TV.

Jack Bauer does a job that Americans don't want. Therefore his walkout resulted in zero people being added to the Jack Bauer Kill Counter. Let's all pray that Jack Bauer returns to work, Martha keeps drinking, and Chloe has a full charge on her taser.


tuffbeingright said...

Not having JB kill anyone for a whole hour is like giving up cigarettes, liquor and coffee all in one week. It just shouldn't happen.

Maybe protesting illegal aliens will keep DHS and Secret Service away from the airport long enough so JB makes his escape.

I for one support the "rights" of immigrants - well, Selma Hayek anyway. The rest of them? Hasta luego!

Anonymous said...

I knew it. Jack Bauer es Raza!

Stop illegal inmigration the good way, not by making them criminals

tuffbeingright said...

Illegal immigrants, by definition, ARE CRIMINALS! If they carry falsified documentation (ie. ss cards) they are FELONS!

MJ06 said...

I love the picture that you have.

RFTR said...

Hey, "tuffbeingright," shut up.

I'm as against illegal immigration as the next guy, but this isn't a forum for debating illegal immigration. This is a satirical site inspired by the television show 24.

If you want to pick a fight over immigration, may I recommend DailyKos?

NDwalters said...

Jorge Bauer es Mexicano? No way, man?

Would you say, Bauer has a plethora of firearms?
Si, he has a plethora.
Jefe, do you know what a plethora is?

NDwalters said...

And FYI- when you enter the US illegally, breaking our laws, you are a f-ckin criminal. Til you prove you can contribute to the US and not leech off this land, you're suspect. That's how it was back at Ellis Island.

There, end of frickin immigration discussion. Back to Bauer satire, please.

Tyler said...

I like how you picked the guy with a manpurse.

Anonymous said...

Jack in spanish ain't Jorge, yet it sounds funny XD

Jorge Bauer, Jack's half-mexican brother who works for the Unidad Contra-Terrorista of Mexico. He's just like Jack, only his skin is darker, his hair is black and wears a hat instead of the hoodie.

Jorge Bauer is as badass as Jack, except he eats more chile (and never goes to the toilet, just like Jack). Since he works for Mexico he doesn't have a Chloe O'Brien to assist him through a PDA. Instead he has a dog named Torito which helps him track terrorists all trgogh the border.

He interrogates the people who help the Mexican peasants to cross the border without papers to know who they work for (which is usually a drug cartel). Instead of sayin' "Dammit!", he says "Carajo".

Jorge Bauer resolves his cases in less than 24 hours. The key to his success is carryng a lot of bribe cash. Money gets you quicker to your goals in Mexico.